Greed


 * Persians: "The thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you! Our arrows will blot out the sun!"


 * Greed: "Then we will troll you."

Amongst the Kongregate Chatrooms, Greed stands out as a mixed bag. Some regular members are calm sensitive types: artists, musicians, philosophers, and other fully punctuated adult voices. Others are cold, hard, unmentionable bastards. All have a place in Greed. The spammer is generally to exercise the role of the mute button, and the bashing troll helps regulars learn to defend themselves without calling for a moderator. Greed is not a place to be entered without caution. Going in and saying whatever comes to mind will likely to get you shot down by trolling Anti-Aircraft cannon like you were a Zeppelin made of fail. They follow not the rules of konduct established by Kongregate, but their own. The number of rules is unknown, suspected to be around 30.

As such, Greed has become known as the Modless zone, which is rather untrue. Occasionally we are visited by more rational mods. Exquisite is a moderator who happens to be on every morning once in a while! She's fairly reasonable with her decisions, and will generally act in favor of the people, rather than seeing everything as black and white. Hexed will have babies with her some day. Even if he has to get her eyeballs pregnant, he will do it.

Regular Mods
Exquisite
 * Ex was a long time Greed regular before leaving for The Hive and getting promoted to a mod there, and coming back to Greed as if she owned the place. In fact, she did for a while, as she was the Room Owner until she lost her internet access and awarded the title to ringkichard.

Cartrodus
 * A mod from Germany, who for some time was a common sight in Greed. He is relatively relaxed, and has an adequate sense of humor to get along with the Greed regulars. He also shits in raids made of lulz and awesome. He is not to be trusted with anything lulzy.

ringkichard


 * ringkichard is a moralfag in disguise as an intellectual tough guy. He is the most lenient mod out there, which is good. But he still is a mod. Watch him closely, he is wise beyond his years and lurks with Rick_also. He used to be one of the best defenses against abusive mods, using logical argument and reason. He's still a pretty cool guy, however, and has recently been awarded the honor of Room Owner of Greed.


 * "Greed has standards. We may be bully bastards with hearts of malice and claws of ice, but at least we're not ****ing Nazis."


 * "I miss Kilroy. If only he was here, to hold me in his big strong arms."

Amberlei
 * Amberlei was picked to be a mod at the same as ringkichard, but has since dissapeared. She claimed she was going to Texas, so apparently computers don't exist there. She is even more of a moral-centered user than ringkichard, but is pretty mature about it and has an adequate, if just barely sufficient, sense of humor.

Greedlings
If you think you should be in the regular list, speak to a regular and we will look into it.

1337Theory
 * A.K.A "The Shield" When Greed is facing the threat of an onslaught, he will always speak up and deliver a kick to the genitals of authority. Known as the God of Sex by almost everyone in Greed, he makes sure no one forgets. For what reason we don't know.
 * "There is no arguments with War. Only you being trolled."

Aestin
 * A very quiet guy but when he decides to speak up, he's quite funny. He's always worth talking to. Be wary, he may crush your head with his thighs... OF STEEEEL

Amberlei
 * If you have to ask, she's not your type. She's not inflatable.

Andr0o
 * Lurks like a motherfucker. Comes out of nowhere to strike, and vanishes just as fast.

xBlahx
 * Youngest of the Greed regulars, but shouldn't be underestimated because of this. Despite his age, he can still hold his own in an intelligent conversation.

Cyberkinetic
 * 6th dimensional being who recently took a 4 dimensional form to interact with our people. Can divide by 0. Twice.

DeadLucky
 * A veteran Greed late-night regular, now back from an extended bout of inactivity. Drunken inactivity. The type of guy who you would find hunched over a drink in the corner of a bar, shouting obscenities and giving unneeded advice. DeadLucky makes better comments and flames while drunk than most people can make sober. He claims he isn't an alcoholic as he doesn't "go to meetings."

DeviouSecreT
 * O.G.

GreatSquiggy
 * He will tell you he's been on Greed since before Al Gore invented the internet, but that doesn't seem all that plausible. He's been known to flame even himself at the expense of a good laugh, and can be heard saying, "Really? When did that happen?" when something happens in Greed. It's probably the Alzheimer's.

Hexed1
 * Hexed is the man that you would expect to see wearing his underpants on his head in the park one day, screaming at the birds; sitting in a Borders sipping smuggled Kahlua and coffee while holding forth on Faust the next day; yet on a third day seducing your wife in a Ferarri Enzo that he probably stole from a valet parking lot. Has the newest model of customizable Jesus.

insomniacdreamer
 * Not cool enough for an elaborate description, by her own standards. She tends to space out and jump into conversations randomly.

jkukla
 * Back from inactivity. Has been known to start impromptu raves with Shakes.
 * "Hurgablargh!"
 * "I think kuk is a pretty cool guy, eh talk to mod and doesn't afraid of anything" -DsT

JoeSixPack
 * Logic buster! Seriously, this guy sits and waits quietly. You won't know when he's around, then suddenly he'll drop a logic bomb on you like the Americans dropped on the Japanese back in Dubya Dubya Two! This hobo is way depressing. Watch out for his freeze-ray or run the risk of becoming emo. The only known cure for this is finding a pit, filling it with dead kittens, lighting it on fire, and dying in it. Note that holes filled with flaming kittens are more common than you'd expect in Greed.

Kilroy8675309
 * Secretary of Awesome. He sports a wide range of awesome and a razor sharp wit. He is one of the strongest weapons Greed has against "Bad Mods."


 * "If you weren't so black, I wouldn't be so racist."

PaperMache
 * Fap-happy Pappy. He loves you, whether you want him to or not. Try to fight it all you want, but it will happen. He will find you, and he will love you.
 * "I like hairy babies"

pinkNERD
 * Canadian Airhead! Previously known as Pinkskittle. Music is her hot hot sex.

SirShakes
 * Complete douche. The original Sir, as well as the general. As such, leads the Knights of Greed to konquest absolutely nothing and give everybody a headache. Try to touch pinkNERD and he'll reign down upon you with the thunderous fury of a hundred thousand keystrokes with such scathing intensity that you will feel your very soul burn.

SirSharks
 * The Brigadier, and second in command, of the Knights of Greed(A.K.A. Brotherhood of Sirs). Enjoys pointing out that he is a shark, and as such has twice the genitalia any man could hope to have, known as "claspers".


 * "I'M A SHARK!
 * I'M A SHAAARK!
 * SUCK MY DIIIIIICK!
 * I'M A SHAAAAAAAAARK!"

SirShucks
 * An odd one to be sure, one of the several Sirs. Unlike the others, with a personality co-inciding with their given sur/sirnames, he would prefer to seduce one of his brothers to shucking corn.[[Image:Shrugs.jpg|thumb|Shrugs at work.]]

SirShacks
 * One of the less energetic Knights, he generally sits back and watches until something bad happens. There have been speculations that he doesn't actually exist as a three dimensional being.

SirSnacks
 * Enjoys snacking and evading the word filter, much to the dismay of his brothers. Still one of the better Knights. Has been MIA for some time now.

SirShaves
 * Yet another member of the Sirs. Grows lengthy facial/pubic hair every ten minutes resulting in him having to shave constantly. He enjoys Shaving himself and others also being shaved by others.

SirShrugs
 * One of the newest Knights, but also one of the most promising. Has already taken the rank of Colonel. Astounds people with his sharp wit and lack of enthusiasm.

SirSlaves
 * I swear it's not racist. Colonel of the Knights of Greed alongside SirShrugs. Quite clever and quick-witted, though it might not always show through his accent and stereotypical tendancies.
 * All right, I lied, it's a little racist.

SirSpooks
 * hides face* He's a ghost, nobody is really sure how he died, apparently not even himself. Reports range from treason to getting eaten by a SirSharks. He is a Major of the Knights of Greed.

SirSteaks
 * Lieutenant Colonel of the Knights of Greed. One of the few that doesn't take every opportunity to force a pun about his name.

SirSTEEEL
 * STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!

SirSweets
 * Watermelon that wants to be a watermelon flavored hard candy, and Major of the Knights of Greed. Enjoys making puns involving the word sweet.

SweetnLow
 * Not Splenda.

Wargazm
 * Awesome person with a strange sense of humor. Beware, he can troll up with the best of them while maintaining a less than serious look. He also happens to be a chronic sociopath, and a permanent fixture of ASSHOLE on Greed. Simply put, he is a dick.
 * Wargazm: "You ever found a brown marshmallow in your cereal?"
 * SirShakes: "..."
 * SirShakes: "No"
 * Sirshakes: "Did you wash your hands after you pooped?"
 * Wargazm: "...well what else could it b- OH GOD!"
 * Sirshakes: "Did you wash your hands after you pooped?"
 * Wargazm: "...well what else could it b- OH GOD!"

Zapatista626
 * Greed's Mexican. Tries far too hard to be liked by the other regulars, but manages to get some recognition.

In The Beginning
First, there was empty internet. Then, came the coming of Greer, who rose up and said, "Hey, a flash game site with chat would be pretty sweet." On the first day, he coded and hired people to code, and lo, there was Kongregate. On the second day, they set upon making chat rooms, for discerning tastes.

In the ages since, people from far and wide have joined and spent their days enjoying games, but mainly just trying to gather a massive amount of h4x 1337 points. But with them came the Trolls, and the Nukers, the Spammers, and the Pr0n links and the greedlings. Seeing this, Greer was saddened and angered. Thus, lo, on the fourth day Greer created Mod to watch over his people. But not all Mods were Good Mods, as they also contained free will. Hence, he created a system to ensure they too followed the rules of his land.

The Creation of Ivory Tower and The First Era of Modlessness
On the fifth day came Ivory Tower, and it was good. It was a haven of awesome people. The rooms named for Sin were however, heavy with Trolls, but soon were reduced to RP rooms and cleanly places of noobery. Ivory Tower, however, distinguished itself by its intellectual regulars and general high quality of conversation and was known throughout the land as the home of a different, if not superior breed, of denizen.

In these early days, all was right and just in Ivory Tower, as Mod had little issue with the kindly citizens of Ivory Tower and made scarse their visits. An occasional unwitting Mod did foolhardedly venture into Ivory Tower from time to time, but mostly left the Room to its own devices, possibly due to the known tenacity and ferocity of it's trolls when roused to action.

Obvious Gap in History
... and then AIDS. AIDS always happens.

The First Coming of Mod and The Golden Era of Modlessness
Then came one penis-swinging Mod, and his wrath was mighty and terrible. He struck down the Trollking, and his subjects, in a battle that shook all of Ivory Tower and left it barren and desolate for like, an hour.

Then reigned peace, and in that time, the Trollking left, and his subjects fought a bitter war for the title. Then they just stopped caring and left Ivory Tower for places unknown. In this time of peace came a great many regulars; And lo, there was a commune of common interest, and Greed became an anarchy. The title of Trollking was lost to time, until another claimed it and no one cared then either.

The Trolls fought no longer, and the Mods disappeared from Greed. And so rose several regulars who were trolls, who defended Ivory Tower from marauding Nukers, Spammers, and other beasts. This was a golden era of Ivory Tower.

Modern Peace
The Golden Era ended with the Second coming of Mod, and chaos reigned supreme for a while. But then came new regulars, and they restored to Ivory tower vigor and vision. Then came the Third coming of Mod, and he struck down many a regular with almighty silences, some up to 24 hours! Following this dark day, the brave and noble Kool16 thus created the knightly order of Sirs, protectors of Greed. Led by Shakes, and his officers; Endowed Sharks, contemplative Shrugs, KFC-loving Slaves, and delicious Steaks. The other Sirs are also indeed noble knights, but there do lurk pretenders to the Sir name. Mostly anyone without an S in front, or out of sync with the length of names.

Then lo, a regular of divine beauty, grace and elegance, the exquisite Crysanna, became Mod, and she reigned over Ivory Tower with a gentle hand, and prosperity abounded. The dynasty of Crysanna lasted for thousands of hours, but all too soon came to an end when she lost her internet and couldn't come online so much anymore.

After the end of the Crysanna dynasty, another Coming of Mod occured, but this one, verily named PopUpKing, was different. Wise. Charming. German. He earned the respect of Ivory Tower, and Ivory Tower thought he was better than most Mods.

The Modish Inquisition
The unexpected Modish Inquisition happened at the end of May, and marked an era of suffering for the just and righteous Ivory Towerians. One pursued a vagrant troll, a Sir of unknown name, after many an hour, to Ivory Tower, and found Kool16, leader of the knightly order. Assuming that it was Kool, he proceeded to wage war upon Greed, calling for backup. Two Wonderful Mods worked in tandem, using their powers of ban hammer for selfless purpose in bad Mod Cartrodus' absence.

Fighting together to liberate themselves of the dark curse of Shit Mods that had befallen the land, the Trolls of Greed took up arms and arguments in a revolt against the Ivory Towerians. Many a troll and Sir was aflicted with a curse of sudden silence that dark night, though the stinging attacks against the Wonderful Mods continued to the point where it became apparent that Mods were immortal, and the Two reigned supreme.

Upon discovering what his fallen brethren had done, bad Mod Cartrodus vowed in furious rage and glorious vengeance to protect the Greedlings from the wonderful power of the ivory towerians and to "leave a message about this in his live journal." With a sigh of relief, the trolls and other Greedians were able to return to their lives and games in steadfast war and suffering. Fortunately, Cartrodus soon returned to his German-speaking homelands for the majority of the time, only taking short vacations in Greed.

New Age of Greed Imperialism
With Crysanna and Cartrodus absent, Greed's protection fell to its Trolls and losers and it was percieved as weak by raiding parties from nearby Ivory Tower. Meanwhile, two Greed citizens were elevated from lowly serfs to Mods: ringkichard and Amberlei. Not happy about the unfolding war amongst the lands of Kongregate, the royal couple attempted, and failed, to halt hostilitiesbetween the two kingdoms. In a short period of inter-kingdom war, Greed was pronouced the loser and the inferior room.

Shortly after a tentative peace was forged, the Greedlings began hatching a plan to scout neighboring kingdoms for the best room-defending "trolls, " in order to capitalize on its repuation as a sanctuary for this sort of user. A number of Greedlings began working together to educate the new recruits on their ways of the word warrior, much to the dismay of ringkichard.

Rules!
Here are some general, common knowledge, rules of Greed.

1) Trying to get around the chat filters by putting commas/periods between your letters (ie. f,u,c,k) is lame and subject to ridicule.

2) Do not lay claim to title or rank. If you're a reg, people will know, and award you riches in a spontaneous display of emotion.

3) The trolls hate new people. If you are new, you should expect a minor harassing. It's not uncommon.

4) If you have no backbone, gtfo. This is not the place for you. (See rule 3).

5) It could always use more desu. Disre­gard this, I am a douche.

6) Be fully punctuated with your posts as much as possible. We really dislike inbred retards who can't spell the word "you" properly.

7) If you make a big deal of your gender, expect that an even bigger deal will be made of it. This is not likely to be pleasant.

8) Anyone with "Naruto," "666" or "Cool" (Including "Kewl") in their name is marked for humiliation. You don't want to be treated like a child? Don't act like a child.

9) Using "your" rather than "you're" as a contraction of "you are" (And vice versa) will subject you to massive unending scorn. Learn some grammar.

11) We don't want you here.

12) Deal with it.

13) Pics or it didn't happen.



How To Avoid the Banhammer
Getting silenced is unpleasant and avoidable. Getting banned is doubly so. While ideally, Kongregate's overall principle of "Don't be a jerk" would be the final word on the matter, as you can see from the above sections, things in Greed don't always go that way. Too many people act up, act out, or otherwise act the fool (what, did you turn "urban," Rick?) act with the intent to troll. With that in mind, do consider the following:
 * Don't feed the trolls. While responding to the bullies and the angry children isn't going to get you silenced on its own, they'll do their best to drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. This usually makes people angry, which weakens their judgment, which causes them to do stupid things, which gets them punished. Cut the cycle off at the head: just mute them. argue with them until you can prove that you are more intelligent and witty.
 * Trust should be earned. The people whispering you suggestions on how to act out are not your friends, they're trying to get you banned teach you secrets about Kongregate. The people telling you how to cheat at games are not your friends, they're trying to get you banned only trying to help. The people who tell you about the cool uses of ctrl+w and alt+f4 are not your friends, they're trying to trick you. Don't be so credulous.
 * Don't post naughty links. It'll just get you banned without warning, unless you are DeadLucky, who has managed to argue his way out of it a number of times now. It's true, Rick's weak and effeminate.
 * Listen to the warnings you get. Mods give *lots* of warnings. Too many warnings. Greed Mods are trying to be lenient, trying to be nice, and for almost every sort of evil behavior you might exhibit, there's likely to be a warning. If you heed the warning, you'll avoid the hammer. being respected by the majority of Greed's regular users trolls. Wait, whose side are you on?