Road Scholars

Road Scholars is a chatroom/ill-advised social experiment moderated by McKain and QueenTakesRook.

History
The origins of Road Scholars are shrouded in the mists of time and obscurity. In its current incarnation, the room is run by McKain, a refugee/exile from League of Gamers, who assumed power in a (debateably) bloodless coup in the summer of 2008. Since then, numerous sources agree that things have only gotten worse. Lawlessness, terror and rampant gay innuendo stalk the landscape, as aid agencies refuse to risk sending in personnel. This suits the room's regulars perfectly, as their caustic and misanthropic nature puts them largely at odds with the outside world, any incursion from which will likely be met with a combination of threats of violence, rapier wit and common-or-garden mockery.

Technology
Attempts have occasionally been made to drag Road Scholars kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. Most notable have been the forays into robotics by McKain and burnme, creating McAble (latterly iPal) and BurnBot. BurnBot has since been removed by its creator following a dispute over the inclusion in its vocabulary of a reference to a type of Chinese sailing vessel. iPal, now having a monopoly, offers a calculator, reports when it has last seen a given user, and simulates the throws of dice. Some critics point out that the tea and coffee making facilities leave a lot to be desired, however.

Law Enforcement
Of questionable efficacy. In the event of spamming or trolling, the promptest response is typically offered by Road Scholar regulars turning out with pitchforks and lit torches to remove the miscreant, or at least damage his self-esteem to the point that he begins to question the meaning of life itself. This typically results in a swift (or at least entertaining) resolution, without the need to involve Kongregate mods (pictured to the right).

Room Culture
Road Scholars are typically sarcastic, irreverent, disdainful of anything not directly beneficial to their own lives, and sex-obsessed. Asking for game help will typically be met with the same response as politely enquiring of a vicar whether you might violently sodomise his wife and daughter and then clean yourself off on his curtains afterwards. Despite this attitude (or perhaps because of it), Scholars are typically welcoming to newcomers, providing they have an IQ greater than that of a glass of water. The conversation, inasmuch as it deserves the term, is driven by the twin influences of the Dada movement and mescaline, akin to a highly-intellectual professor of art, specialising in the works of the lesser-known pre-Raphaelites, after having had his drink spiked with cheap vodka. It may be the only room on Kongregate where the lesser works of Moliere have been mentioned in the same breath as duct-taping unruly children to walls and dropping sailing boats onto Americans from a cargo plane. Most notable are the ritualistic tangents that the conversations often go on. They start out with a simple comment, building and building until you have a conversations so abstract that to try and find where it began would drive one utterly insane.

Notable Scholars
Given that most regulars will never amount to anything, it is highly suspect as to whether there is such a thing as a truly notable Road Scholar. Nonetheless, we offer the following examples (in no particular order), intended solely as cautionary tales:

McKain
The room owner, and Acting Ban Dispenser, 2nd Class. Also known as McAFKain as he is often AFK. May be easily exploited via his deep-seated (and bordering on the pathological) love of upcoming game, Borderlands. He has also successfully converted ChaoticCrusade into a raving worshipper of Reese Roper.

QueenTakesRook
Fairly recently modded, as of going to press. Universally loved, except by trolls. Newly sham-hitched to PurpleAlex.

JeniFire/Fuego_Caliente
Thus far, the only regular demonstrably capable of acting like a responsible adult, by virtue of having successfully made babies in her tummy. Missus of burnme.

Ghostduckie
Simultaneously the best and worst features of Road Scholars. He enjoys long walks on the beach, and eating bread crumbs.

PurpleAlex
Born in the United Kingdom in 1991, PurpleAlex strives to describe chatrooms in the manner of a Jane Austen character asking Jeeves for his daughter's hand in marriage. Plans to get by in life by using witty pop-culture references and harming the mental integrity of young children and feeble-minded adults. He enjoys tearing people down until they have nothing to live for and then finishing them off by inviting them to a classy restaurant to share an expensive brunch. Of course, PurpleAlex does not play. Newly sham-hitched to QueenTakesRook.

Danbuckley5
The other other British one. Apparently not very interesting, since that's literally all I could think of when it came to describing him. But I just checked his profile; holy shit, level 36?! A man with too much time on his hands.

CaraAdele
Lives in France, where she spends most of her time trying to stop PurpleAlex from stealing her boyfriend.

Terrenae
Awesome bookish history-nerd. Not, in fact, the same person as Cara.

ChaoticCrusade
The local evil genius bent on world domination, commonly called "CC" for short. Your typical self-entitled, self-absorbed, nerdy Scholar. Is known for ranting about D&D, Star Wars, Soul Calibur, and City of Villains. An all-around stand-up guy, albeit a gibbering Mac-fiend. As a side-note, he is often found cursing merlinseras for causing his newfound love-sickness. He is also an aspiring musician that enjoys making Heavy Metal versions of beloved dance classics, something that PurpleAlex wishes to murder him for.

Knux
Also known as Knuckles, Knux is a regular whose chief interests are grooming his oversized mane and evangelising for Rise Against. With his quick wit and sharp mind, he's a very dangerous opponent at chess. Knux often worries about those close to him, but complains when people worry about him. Due to complications of real world proportions, Knux disappeared from a prior life in which he knew Zeneeba and Chazusama, which he constantly refers to, and only recently appeared in Road Scholars, swaggering like he had been in the wilderness for two years. He is often found calling people by nicknames that are not usually used by others, making him very memorable. Also abuses the 'Mute' button.

Silviar
Awesomeness personified. Talented at appearing in the room, seemingly from out of thin air. May be a ninja or mythical beast. Also known for drawing awesome pictures for all the Road Scholars, it is believed she may actually steal a part of her subject's soul in order to better draw them. She is also the mortal enemy of tweezers everywhere, as 50% of her injuries are tweezer-related. The other 50% is from CC. I swears.

Boredom_Man
An excellent regular, but sub-par superhero. Has also succeeded in doing the horizontal monster mash and making a kid. Kudos.

Dionysus128
The greek god of Honey, Revelry, Wine, and random triple-digits. Enjoys torturing the regulars with disturbing mental imagery, particularly ChaoticCrusade. But what he really wants to do is direct.

f15hfac3
Resident Australian, a reptile of the order Testudines, aquatic species having the trunk enclosed in a shell consisting of a dorsal carapace and a ventral plastron.

merlinseras
The jury is still out on his emo status. May or may not be a wizard or mage. Part falcon, part hot anime chick, and also a self acclaimed love-sick-semi-stalker. ChaoticCrusade blames him for his recent love-sickness.

DrEed
By his own admission, a lover of wombats (wombatophile? check this - ed.). Is on some manner of police database because of this.

madpraxis
I don't know how to describe him, and his profile is blank. So... well, he's definitely a regular. Yes, he shows up sometimes. Which is nice. Update: just found out he enjoys long evenings watching lemmings jumping over cliffs.

ElMicha
17, lost in the forest of the Scandinavian mountains. Checks into channel most days when he's not busy, or just not caring about his school lessons as he's too stupid to absorb the knowledge. Oh, his birthday is the 25th of January.

Also the channel's very own gentleman.

AoiScarlet
~Aoi-chan is 17 years old! ~A random random person, tends to start all the sentences with ~. ~Why? ~Force of Habit. ~Why? ~It was used to annoy an old friend of Aoi's.

Nekkuma
Does not wear pants. Draws comics for a living. Good ones mind you. Enjoys trolling spammers.

Baconbandit
Just your average American whose passion is to steal bacon. Keep your bacon safe or you will never see it again.

Kyler_Skye
Born in the wonderfulness of Canada, Kyler_Skye has attained the status of Most loveable and Craziest person to enter the room. No one knows how Kyler did it, and it will remain a mystery until the opposite is revealed. Often Mistaken for a male, Kyler is known for being overly excited when people enter the room - Shown by Numerous pounces on Everybody! Kyler enjoys talking in third person and dying randomly. Kyler_Skye also enjoys Blood and guts and the combination of Black and Lime Green. Secretly Married to Knux - he seems to forget though...