The Time Machine

To quote some person I never knew, "It's pretty much the best chat ever." Alas, it appears he/she/it/other doesn't know the half of it.

Brief insight to the barely known historical events of questionable importance
Once, a lowly fellow stumbled into the world. He brought a blue police box and a little, glowing, whirry stick. After some obscure dueling involving fourteen cyborgs, some french toast, a glass of white wine vinegar and a twenty-eight foot mushroom, the afore-mentioned fellow upgraded his blue box for a slightly better red one. Thus, The Time Machine was born! (Due to some crazy time-related paradox, this hasn't happened yet. Apologies for any incorrect information, this is all based on heresay and what the rumour-mill spouts out. Any reference to actual person or events are either coincidental or accidental)

Judging by graffiti in various taverns across the world, some years after this mysterious past (or years before [or, quite frankly, simultaneously with]) the Time Machine finally ran low on gas. It was parked outside a station and remains there to this day, awaiting its precious "Premium" to become affordable. Many carjackers have forced their way in and out over the years (leaving after the slow realization that a red wooden box that doesn't look like a car, but in fact looks like a red wooden box, isn't a shiny blue sports-car after all) and with them went the original owner.

Today, (this day, not the present, which isn't now but in the future, because the past is the present and thus the future, making them synonyms and yesterday tomorrow and thus allowing us to have refueled several times over already) the box has been putting along through space, picking up hitchhikers with shiny thumbs and sketchy travel guides, and using wavelength manipulation to make people believe the aforementioned is all true.

Despite all preceding paragraph transition words such as "today", even more recently (though possibly not yet but more likely old news) the Time Machine was (is being or will soon be) stolen by a masked hooligan that knew how to drive box's that defy reality without melting their own brain. This unknown person is still (perhaps was or will) at the helm with a nine mosaics on the wall signifying the number ten in about two thousand nine codes put together. With the aid of this mystical number brainwashing the local fairies and mushrooms into servitude, the Time Machine went on to star in a key role of "Pirates of the Caribbean" under the disguise of a plank of wood within a ship's hull. For convenience, however, the Time Machine's passengers may instantaneously find, lose, depart, or arrive simply by quoting the ultimate question to life the universe and everything in Latin converted to binary.

Rules


It is often said that he with little knowledge of rules willn't get far in places with them. However, it's not as if this is the whole truth. The willn't can be replaced by willnae, will nay, will not, won't... etc. He could be a she, an alien, a cyborg or other being of undefinable gender, this line still holds for them. Either way:


 * While spelling, grammar, punctuation, context, etc. are helpful, they aren't necessary. That being said, at least try to show some effort in this respect, else we won't understand you... and we'll make that clear as day. Or they'll be our hired pedants correcting all your mistakes. So, after a long think, forgetting that I is a capital i is the only leeway you'll have ^_^
 * As awesome as "all-caps" might be, turn Caps Lock off. Anything fully capitalised will be ignored. Basically, Caps Lock is not cruise control for cool.
 * When you win a badge or card, do not copy the text alert saying you've won into the chat. We know that you are tremendously proud that you won 5 points for pressing the start button, but it's still spam.
 * No links to sites such as MyBrute or MyMiniCity that tell you to actively spam such links.
 * Plus, no flaming. No one likes having people argue with countless swearwords popping up each second when trying to play a game.
 * Lastly, if you're bored, play a game. That's what the site is about. Gaming, talking, fun.

Troll Population
Trolls, as in most places, pop up from time to time in the Time Machine. How they get past the doors reinforced to resist black holes is a mystery but they get here none the less. The local troll population has reached a low point these last couple centuries and its members come into contact with civilization infrequently. An average troll will usually play out in one of three ways, the first of which is a rapid-fire muting causing them to leave with their capability to spot potential victims greatly maimed. The second possibility is them getting overwhelmed by how well trained the residents of the Time Machine are in the skill of publicly humiliating trolls. While the previously described method is considered less favorable than the others, it frequently achieves its goal of ushering trolls out of inhabited areas. The final situation is the involvement of professional troll exterminators, burning away any persistent nuisance.

Such control measures over these beasts leaves it no mystery that the troll population is far lower than that of many other rooms.

The Regulars
In a place where physics is a mere rumour, where you can fit thousands of people in a few cubic feet's worth of space, there are people. Some of these people pop in and out often, some stay for in excess of three minutes. The latter part enjoy the joys of a joyful reference. How joyous they must be now!

Unknown_Mystery Owner.gif [[File:Moderator_icon.gif]] (Room Owner)
Often nicknamed "Unknown", "UM", or "OMG, a mod!!!", he/she/it is a mysterious moderator here with an unknown purpose. (Assuming it's not the way too obvious one of being a moderator on Kongregate.) He/She/It is of unknown gender, species, mindset, birth date, opinion on donuts, chess skill level, dance ability, hair color, hair amount, existence, breed, intention, pet ownership status, mysteriousness, real name, real avatar, favourite crayon techniques, pencil number, aliases, future iTunes library total songs number (presumably over 9000), view on memes, StarCraft skil l level, 'Dance, Dance, Revolution' high score, income level, bounty level, shoe size, shirt size, pants size, hat size, socks size, undergarment preferences, preferred glove texture, intelligence (presumably high), popularity, time traveling savviness, life expectancy, other pants size, location, number of earned intarwebz, pizza topping preference, shoe style, anti-virus software, operating system, taco count, credit card number, work place, telephone number, fax number, additional other pants size, political correctness, ability to spew on demand, secret intentions, sanitation, awesomeness (speculated to be higher than we know [so far: 3]), favorite number, progress in the quest for the holy grail, political preference, favored font, alt status, international travel means, paranoia, extra additional other pants size, favorite position, preferred brand of macaroni and cheese, view on macaroni and cheese, allergies, wiki site, and pants size. The only known thing about him/her/it (and even this is debated) is that he/she/it is/will be/was the Time Machine's room/square/vacant space owner/land lord/tyrant/butler.

NOTE: I did not write any part of this description. Unknown :)

sirferret2 Developer icon.gif
Rumour says he's a ferret in human form trying to take over the pet shop industry, one shop at a time. Some say it's two shops at a time. I, for one, am a firm believer of the lesser known tale. He's a ferret dressed as a fox in horse form. This horse is quite adept at transformation and thus has turned into a ninja. The ninja was picked up by a nobleman and paid to be a jester. Once sirferret2 had enough money to legally change his name, he changed it to fert and hides in the sewers below The Time Machine. He pops his head up on a near-daily basis for a round of cookies and milk and avoids speaking of his past unless drunk.

Totodile3
By far, the most awesome gal ever to have entered the vague walls of this box. Known to like pokemon and being awesome, she can be summed up in four words: A We So and Me, in that order. She, like fert, was once a lowly creature who suffered a series of (mis)fortunate events. Not so extreme to have a series of books written about, but pretty darn close! She was a young crocodile in the deep dark recesses of Pennsylvania but made the mistake of winning a Round-the-World trip from an un-aired episode of Catchphrase, which lead her to be abandonned on Japan. Whilst here, she (it has been told in half-whispers, nothing more) tinkered with thermite, serious poisons and radioactive atoms. Due to these strange interests, and a strangely large amount of money, she was awarded a Colpey Medal in 2003 for her discoveries on the immune systems of rats, cats, dogs and trucks. But, much to her dismay, this was revoked after some rumours involving some of her subjects. Stolen by John Gurdon. After 14.153 suicide attempts (where only 4.69 were successful), Toto became mutated and thenceforth was saved by some wierd guy from the Nintendo conspiracy. From hereon out she has been a huge part of Pokémon, and due to some strange paradoxical time-slump this latest meeting happened 4 years before she even visited Japan. After news of this anomaly was leaked to the media, Totodile was left by Ash with Professor Oak so Ash could cheat on her with other monstrous beings and from there ran to this paradox machine. Of course, that's only what she tells us, so this might all be a convoluted lie (Fert's got all the information he needs, he's just stuck trying to add 2 and 2 together. He keeps saying he gets three, but I think he is missing something obvious)

Person: so i heer u liek mudkipz?

Toto: NO I LIEK TOTODILEZ!!!!!

slipknotsystem2
As many a noobling'll tell you "Stop calling me a noobling!". If you listen to them long enough, they'll also mention this guy. Everyone looks up to him, in that way they must. He's really really tall. Size aside, he's a big part of this corner of t'internet (think of the internet as some very spiky ball, we're in one of those spikes). And, if it helps, he's your man if you want an overly complicated ASCII face made (maybe as complicated as :) or =D, who knows how far he'll go O.o')NOBODY KNOWS &gt;:{D
 * ...except about eight people. --Sirferret2 14:50, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

moorsy
A sarcastic, pedantic, kind, considerate, clever, modest, pessimistic person who'd consider at least one of the previously stated attributes to be correct. One of the best-loved characters in the weird red box. Hates no one, will listen to anyone, will help wherever possible. Basically, avoid him like the plague, unless you want tea, he's the official beverage-maker of the room. His secret ingredient--cyanide.
 * "OMG! ITS A GIANT MUTANT PEANUT! RUN FOR UR LIFE!" ---toto

rurin
Rurin has, and does know a lot. When she's on, she has little time for gaming but will speak to her heart's content. Ask her, she'll tell you.

sd198
Person of undisclosed gender of undisclosed nature.

shortstuffs117
Lives in the nether regions of the Netherworld, speaks of speeches that are currently being spoken. Little else is known of this lad.

stinkystilton
Pretty much is what it says on the tin.

Tibbles
Fert and Toto aren't the only animals that frequent this hell-hole (that's a hole in hell where the weird benign people hide, we got lost... ok?). Tibbles is a runaway cat who sook refuge in the only place he could physically hide: outside of physics. He has been known to steal fert's milk and eats small fish which are caught by our avid fishermen. Just make sure never to feed him after midnight, unless it's 8am (GMT)

Miatog
Miatog is far older then anyone in the Time Machine. He's lived for over 2024 years and has recently (by who's time frame? I mean this is a time machine) founded a religion based on smacking down noobs and cheaters who use walkthroughs. Miatog is not someone you should be messing with, unless you're a stupid lunatic like fert. Especially when he's trying to get a badge that's rather annoying. The Miatogi are known to be as, if not more, secretive than the Illuminati, but lacks the conspiracy, secrecy and government controlling. The Miatogi intend to use the governments of the world in their own ways to conspire against Christianity and purge the Earth...ernet of cheapskate gamers!

FatallyToo
A wild card. He's either spamming, ranting on about one unfunny thing(which is awesome and everybody loves it; come on - admit it), or being the most awesome guy ever. He enjoys having pony parties and hunting ferrets (run, ferrets, run!). He's a sexy stripper named Teren, married to a female supermodel. He's a drag racer that makes things more interesting by driving only with his left hand. And I mean ONLY. He can speak French, in Russian. While in Germany without getting shot. He is the most interesting man in the world... Has recently gotten into the habit of vandalizing this page.
 * If he drives with only his left hand, what's he doing with his right? --moorsy 17:41, 01/08/09

faddyabc
A cool guy and all, but recently became famous for not knowing how to edit his own description in the wiki. Let's see. I play guitar, I'm seriously like Green Day but better, I run cross country, I'm one skinny ass-noob (Despite my name which may have lead you to beleive I was obese), and am a serious game addict. I just love going pew pew with my gun and killing those monsters that just new to die. PEW PEW Lol I just killed you :D.

e1323
Proof that the old adage "You are what you eat" still holds true in this day and age, e1323 ate tons of jelly, icecream and tasty E number tablets (like vitamin tablets, but taste like every fruit you can think of at the same time (and about as useless)) in a 4.3 year test in his 70s. I'm not entirely sure on the reasons behind the obscure transformations he underwent; some say it was an allergic reaction to oxygen, others lean towards the idea of one of the jellies being alive at the time of ingestion... but to cut a long story short, improvise on the now-missing majority, cut it again, translate it terribly back to english via at least four other languages and tell it: e1323 was actually a Cybernetic, Altruistic Motor Prompt or C.A.M.P. called Epsilon-372906160441327... (a 574 digit number) used for testing, since animals no longer suffice. However, due to the large consumation of sugary goodness, e1323 noticed that the 574 digit number was equal to e^1323 (unsurprising, in hindsight) so changed his name to ε-e^1323, and consequently to e1323. This last transition was partly due to the large numbers of E numbers he had devoted his previous 4 and a bit years to (thus showing a degree of insanity) and because he had become just that lazy. His designer noticed this once it was too late, and exiled his fructose-filled friend to the past. Noticing this alteration to space-time, we decided to ignore it... that was, until e1323 knocked on our door with cookies. We had to let him in then.

AgentLampshade
As the Wise Man certainly never said: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". Hailing from 2026, AgentLampshade recently accepted a mission to spread the message "000100101101010110" (and before you ask, no, it's not binary...but far worse and I'd expload if i told you). Usually maintains a less-than-serious attitude when chatting, but be prepared, insult him and he'll out-logic you and leave you humiliated (i.e. He feeds trolls until they overload, get confused, and shut up. Similar tactics may be viewed in many other members of chat, e.g. sirferret2) - You have been warned. He believes he is the Greek God Zeus. His mortal enemy is Pingu58 (He eats people...I swear it). If you need any useless information, this is the guy to come to - He's The Time Machines official encyclopedia of useless information. Now, because I cannot be bothered with thinking other witty and/or half-baked things to say, I will end this description with one final word - Blargh!

Pingu58
The Time Machines 4th animal based freak of nature (not counting Slipknotsystem2). He was part of the penguin revolution in the year 2246 but was captured by the goverment and genetically altered as part of a science experiment. He brought down the organisation by 2253 but was caught in the time rip he caused to destroy the organisation and something something, I wasn't really listening...An enemy of AgentLampshade, due to the fact that Lampshade is one of the last Agents of Time. He is regularly afk getting fresh fish and seems to believe he is Kongregate's official Pleb Translator. (sidenote: He also feeds trolls...And is proudly Scottish)

SunsetDown
Forged in the fires of chaos, a malevolent and powerful being emerged. That was not him. SunsetDown enjoys chatting to everyone in the room, even if they are ignoring him. He also enjoys long walks on beaches and eating pudding. If you poke and prod him enough, he may give in enough to show you the true ultimate secret of life that solves any and all problems: Fire. Never question his methods. Or do. He doesn't care.

TIMEtoDIE785
An alien from Deimos, one of the moons of Mars, TIMEtoDIE785 (oft shorten to "Time") is the founder of the great city/empire of Spartaaaaa, OHIO. He has a secret moon base armed with every weapon known to man(and several known to dolphins), and uses them to solve every problem to ever encounter his wrath. Although he has all these fancy wapons, his weapon of choice is his stun knife and immunity to jet lag. Anger him and this knife will more than likely decapitate you. He loves the game/movie/game DOOM and will often play it on his iPod while chatting. Time is always correct, even when he is wrong. Some say that Time is not actually a solid form. His ability to travel through time and space without any help gives the impression that he is from the Twilight Zone. He references MGS3 very often. His favorite saying is "Snake? Is something wrong? Answer me PLEASE!!! Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAKE!!!" He generally only says this when the chat dies or will PM it to someone who is not responding to the chat. Just remember that he has the big guns upstairs and WILL use them if you piss him off. Don't piss him off. Please... he fights to the grizzly end and we just don't have time or space for all that blood in here. (What do you mean 'we have infinite time and space here'!? I know we do, I just don't think we should be using it for blood! The last time the cops put the heat on, we nearly lost slipknotsystem2!!! ...yes, that was intended to be interpreted as a bad thing!)

elofish
A fish with a dark obsession for grapes and lepers. Lately she was released from rehab for the leper issue but it was deemed the grape obsession is incurable. She can gallop about on her trusty steed kangaroo just as well as swim, so escape is a difficult prospect if you somehow find yourself on her bad side. You gotta really deserve it though if you find yourself there, so I may as not warn you of any more of her secret tactical methods. She has the night time janitorial shift on kongregate due to the fact that this was written from the perspective of some American showing little consideration for Australians. Her proficiency with a mop is so much beyond legendary that none of you have ever heard of it and this sentence doesn't exist. What were you just reading? I don't know... Why are you here? What? Oh! Elofish... Well, elo is a fish with great prociciency in the art of graping. She's a trained professional grapist, sneaking into little kids rooms in the middle of the night and graping them in the mouth. And that's just the begining of what she's capable of. For more information, please schedule a meeting with her secretary. White chocolate cookies and a basket of grapes are required for every visit.