Atlas Park

Welcome to Atlas Park
Here at Atlas Park, we begrudgingly welcome everyone, mainly because we have no choice. If you want to become an Atlas Park regular, simply make yourself known and stay that way. If you want to become an Atlas Park Moderator, it's not very hard. They just hand those jobs out (Just kidding, we love you JeniseS, please don't silence us). If you actually manage to merit one of these titles, don't be offended when we roast you in your description. So, welcome to the Park, a pants-free adventuring environment.

NOTE: This page is meant to poke harmless, playful fun at our very much loved and appreciated members of the Park. None of the statements here are meant to offend or hurt anyone, but merely find a caricature-esque way of exaggerating the good and bad in everyone. If you see something about yourself or others that you think is crossing a line or inappropriate, please contact an editor and request removal.

Rules

 * 1) Get naked.
 * 2) Hate Ant Hill and all they stand for.
 * 3) Keep your opinions to yourself unless you're fully prepared to be ferociously argued with.
 * 4) Limit virtual rape to PMs, no one needs to see all that.
 * 5) Have a set of balls, and some chest on your hair.

News

 * Almost one whole day without flame-war! Wait, make that zero.
 * Don't try to room-hop on us, readers! We can smell Ant Hill on your breath.
 * Summer is ending, and the room goes quiet
 * The official series of Atlas Park, Atlas Park: The War is on its [10th] issue.
 * A tear is shed daily for the Kongregate Chat App we never had.
 * No, we will not add you to the regs list because you are "always on, but just gaming."

Moderators
On Kongregate, Moderators are a lot like cops; very powerful, but not very competent. Some of them are chain-smoking homicide detectives, cynical from years on the job, seeing what people have the capacity to do, what people have the capacity to troll. Some are dirty badges, fat and lazy like spoiled cats, ready to take any size bribe to silence that guy you don't like and not lift a finger otherwise. Here at Atlas Park, it is more of an honorary title for elderly homebodies so they can feel productive.

JeniseS - Always absent when needed and needed when absent, Jenise is wise, down-to-Earth, logical, and elderly all at the same time. Her hobbies include her pistol, tasteful swinging, and AdVenture Capitalist! If there is any such thing as a cool teacher, it is Jenise. Even with unlimited power over the whole of Atlas Park, her prime concern is always making people happy, which can be a bit counterproductive when it comes to trolls, but... what the hell. All hail Jenise!

Allen42 - All hail Allen!... Well, we tried. Allen is old, but without the cool-grandma charm that radiates off of Jen. His response time to injustices in the cold, unsafe room of Atlas is a mere amount of seconds, while to our other mod it requires a few minutes, as well as a younger relative to help her out. While his quickness and efficiency might make you consider him a good mod, his lack of existence in the room at any given time heavily outweighs that. When on, he mostly lurks, but if you keep an eye out and rub him the right way, you'll be able to get some discussion out of him. However, with his large ego and last-generation belief systems, he has his questionable moments. It is even rumored that Allen, while still old, is maybe young enough to still relate to the rest of the room in the more youngster-ish subjects discussed throughout the day... But you didn't hear it from me!

Ayrus - Omniscient and genderless, Ayrus is a biochemist for an unknown company, in an unknown location, working for unknown wages. No one really knows if Ayrus is weaponizing ebola or curing cancer, but then again, no one cares. Very busy and very stressed always, they can act particularly draconian if their day isn't going smoothly. Ayrus is probably the most active of our moderators, but only because they will promptly silence anyone who even mentions hentai or rape and will make sure to ban anyone they suspect of being under-aged.

Regulars
Regulars are people who have donated little pieces of their souls and large chunks of their lives to a particular chat room. In the end, they have absolutely no reward to show for their devotion, other than a little credit. You should respect your regulars and tolerate their mindless bullshit, because you never know when they just might become a Mod and ban your ass.

blebbeh - If you frequent Atlas Park, you know blebbeh. Shrouded in mystery, she is the self-appointed chronicler of the happenings and personages of the room. Being as narcissistic as she is, paired with how little she cares about anyone or anything else, it is very fair to label her the sociopath to rule them all. The only tangible thing close to a moral that can be taken from her behavior is her desperate flailing to remain #1 Motherfucker, even going so far as putting "Queen of Atlas Park" in her kongregate bio. Emotionless, uncaring and yet strangely captivating, blebbeh may inspire various conflicting feelings. This will make you want to lash out, a desire you should most definitely act on, for the entertainment of the room. In her desperate attempts to keep "her park" neat and tidy, you will usually find her quoting and linking the conduct page, and making reports, or "citizen's arrests" to those who think themselves exempt from punishment.

iDaire - Another of the more present and bold personalities in the Park, iDaire lurks through the room, grumbling under his breath about his precious ~animyuuzx~ and loudly announcing his offence that the rest of the room is allowing him to be as bored as he is. His interests include educating the room on the culture and lifestyle of Japan, while knowing very close to zero of anything about it (ask blebbeh, she can go on for hours. And will! So don't ask her). He primarily enjoys starting or being included in philosophical, psychological, or political discussions, although his opinions vary, considering he is actively trying to be both a cynic and a realist simultaneously. Can you blame him, though? The man has a passion for unhappiness!

KingDaedalus - How Dae became a king is unknown. He didn't earn the title, he wasn't born to it, and in no discernible way does he deserve it. He is king simply because the name "Daedalus" was taken before he could get to it (or so he says). He always has plenty of intellectual conversation and witty humor to offer the park, despite being riddled with psychological disorders, and enjoys referring to himself as a gazelle and wearing fedoras to every occasion. His uncaring for your opinion of him is what makes him immune to criticism entirely and where his power stems. He is author of the official Atlas Park ongoing series, Atlas Park: The War and a prime specimen for experimentation and breeding. He is a difficult person to befriend, but when you do, [draw card].

ranushy- There are a few people who do enjoy ran's (or nushy's) presence in the room, and she isn't completely insufferable, nor does she insult anyone and everyone she comes across. She is a Middle Eastern-American 14 year old girl who is very faithfully Muslim. She is very nice to be around and seems completely harmless, but watch your back. There is a magical little innocence to her, and she very rarely uses curse words. Even if she did, it would be difficult to find through the flood of smiley-face emotions. However, as it is with many children of her age, get on her bad side and she will do everything in her power to make your day slightly annoying. EVERYTHING. :)

SLASH13 - An all-around cool guy, SLASH13 has been around for a while. He doesn't troll, argue, or spam, but like everybody else, will denounce the concept of regulars until included. Most people in the Park have a moderate respect for him and he is usually reliable when it comes to keeping conversations going and generally keeping the chat alive. When in his natural habitat, you can find Slash lurking about in the depths of the park, bubbling up to the surface only to wave hello to anyone he recognizes, and then slowly sinking back down into the sludge that birthed us all to incubate.

TshadS - When TshadS (also known as Grandpa Shad, T-Money, and Shadway Express) is on, you can usually expect him to be the optimistic note in the otherwise pessimistic sonnet that is Atlas Park. He will keep the chat rolling on but prevent it from derailing. Recently, he was permabanned from Kong for taking swings at the mods out of boredom, and now lives on as GrampsTs. He is still shad in our hearts though... our cold, dark, sadistic hearts...

ValeyardKnight- Ah, Vale! It's a real breath of fresh air to have someone in this room who isn't either trying to get into your no-no zone, or telling you that nobody loves you. He's a real, respectable gentleman, and not a phony fedora-tier gentleman, either (uh, ignore the fedora and *gentle roleplay bows*. Those are irrelevant and totally coincidental). He's not on often, and when he is it is usually for a short period of time, but we're all sure that this is because he's a very busy and productive citizen of the Earth, unlike the other hundred-something of us. He's friends with the mods, and it's a little bit of a challenge to get close to him, but it's a real treat to have him around when you do. He mostly communicates through whispers, but I would be wary that your small talk doesn't devolve into tiny talk. I'd love to put something snarky and playful-insulting here about Vale, as tradition of the regulars section, but I can't... ValeyardKnight is void of all criticisms!

whitetiger1234 - It might seem not seem fitting for an Atlas Park regular to be kind and generous if their name is anything but JeniseS, but that is precisely what whitetiger1234 is. She is one of the newer initiates in the army but is welcome by just about everybody, since there isn't a single person we could consider her nemesis. Strange, since most of us have at least three. Really, none of us would be too surprised to learn that she is the true daughter of our superior overlord, Jenise. Arms-open and comforting to those new to the room and anxious about the other, much more aggressive and scary members of the park, she appeals most to the newbies and lurkers who are only there for a nice, drama-free conversation while they play their game. Most of us like to forget that this is a gaming site, after all, and not some MMO omegle platform. Watch out, though, she has absolutely no interest in having an intellectual conversation with you, or really anything that involves complex thought processes. If she is secretly a genius, she's not interested in showing us the bright light of her wisdom any time soon.

WRAIT94 - One of the most genuinely popular personalities in the entirety of Atlas Park, Wrait appeals to nearly every nook and cranny of our wonderful citizens. Whether you're "ooooh"-ing one of his sick, MLG 360 burns, in a heated argument over how libertarians are essentially Satan, or kissing his boot, chances are you've connected deeply with Wrait in some way. He has no time for being held down, and does exactly what he wants when he wants. That is probably the reason that, nowadays, you'll commonly find him at the throat of one of the moderators arguing why the chat censor needs to die in fire. To the ladies, I pray that you try your best not to fall under the spell of his charm and testicular musk. It is... musky. We know this because every time he logs on, just about every girl present falls to their knees (no pun intended). With little success to gain his love, though. Maybe because of how publicly in a "thing" with blebbeh he is, but most likely because, unfortunately, they happen to be far too 15, and his heart (among other parts) has a "YOU MUST BE LEGAL TO RIDE" sign posted up front.

Oldies
Oldies are former regulars, usurped from power by the new generation. Most have either moved to a new room or vanished from Kongregate completely. Looking back on it, there are a lot of old regs that made their mark on Atlas Park. Unfortunately, there are just too many to list that came and went over the last eight years, so we will have to name as many we can with our memory as our only source.

Blanc_Noir - Noir, what can we even begin to say about you? I'm even almost hesitant to say anything at all, in fear that if I cross a line with my words, Noir will come to me in my sleep and do unspeakable and inappropriate things to me. While this is definitely a risk, it is one of the more rare punishments that Noir deals out daily. The most common: Absolute and total verbal annihilation in the Atlas Park chat room. It is fair to say that deciding to get into an argument with Ashleigh is like skipping to the final boss level in a game you've never played before. While her usual prey include trolls, spammers (this should be motivation enough to not be an asshole in chat), and people with any shred of self-esteem at all, she could snap at just about anyone for just about anything... Her friendship is incredibly difficult to earn but is pretty rewarding when you do. Who wouldn't like the T-Rex to be on their side? She has more accounts than you have tangled wires so we can never be sure that this description is up to date.

crazykiller282 - Stupidly genius, or cleverly moronic? crazykiller282 was an acquired taste to be sure. If you didn't know him, he would often come off as a troll due to his hotheaded no-shit attitude, but was a necessary ingredient in the cultural melting pot that is Atlas Park. He takes the liking of one tree_fiddy, especially in his belief systems and utter lack of filter in expressing such beliefs. He used to use it to gain love in the old Atlas Park, as being ridiculously prejudiced and aggressive used to be a sort of trend. However, when the new, hypersensitive, tumblr-cultured batch of Parkians rushed in, craz was pushed out. He will forever live on in our hearts.

ElDonuto - ElDonuto was a game developer who frequented Atlas Park in the olden days. No one has seen him in a long while, at least not in Atlas Park, and it is widely believed that he melded minds with a wild binary dragon and disappeared into the matrix. So, if you happen to run across a flying dinosaur with a severe case of multiple personality disorder, please tell ElDonuto to come home. The infinitesimal percentage of us who actually remember him kind of miss him and his generally apathetic attitude (But seriously, no one knows who he is).

tree_fiddy - tree_fiddy was a legendary troll in the olden days; racist, spiteful, and annoying as hell. Perma-banned after rampaging through the park on several occasions, we will generously label him an oldie. After all, most of the regulars had simply grown used to his presence and some even slightly attached to him. No one knows what he did with his life after being erased from Kong, but we assume he sat up from his rusted folding chair, his sticky keyboard, and his eternally glowing monitor, heavy with dust, and walked outside for the first time in a century. At this instant, his being, soul and body, blew away in the wind as dust. This was the end of tree_fiddy, this will be the end of all trolls. We hope.

=== Always under construction, if you would like this page changed in any way or wish to contribute, simply contact blebbeh or KingDaedalus. ===