Barrens Chat

(Barrens doesn't actually look like this, but the artist (LazyDevil) is still really proud of it. ==Barrens Chat is the best chat in Kongregate. Don't debate it, we'll have your head on a silver spike toaster. == Barrens Chat is named, of course, after WoW. Don't come in asking if anyone here plays WoW. It shows that you are a newfag, something you don't want to be, or prepare to be trolled. The room used to be better back a few years ago when all the regulars were still around. A few have stayed with us, it will never be the same though. Slowly a new crop of regulars are joining and staying. Of those you will find a variety of people, the trolls, lurkers, a few nice ones, and some we all love to hate.

==Barrens Creation ==

On the first day, Greg said let there be Kong. And lo, there was Kong.

On the Second day, Greg said "Let there be games, that users might play to gain points and fame." And there were games.

On the Third day, Greg said "Let there be chatrooms, so users might converse and Kongregate together." And there were chatrooms.

On the Forth day, Greg said, "Let there be forums, so users might post their art or thoughts to the community at large" and there was forums.

On the Fifth day, Greg said, "Let there be Moderators, to keep the sinners in line" And there was moderators.

On the Sixth day, Greg said, "Let there be Barrens Chat, the greatest of all realms, and here i will create my people" And there was chat.

On the Seventh day, Greg slept in. But since the idea was incomplete, decided to invent jewgold kreds.

So what did Alison do?

The story that if Barrens
It all started one day on....uhh, I forgot. But uhm, after Greg invented Barrens Chat, people came to it. A few people stayed by, but others saw of it as nothing special. Maybe because all that anyone talked about was the mine glitch.

Some people became Barrens regulars. Mostly: I observed most of the Barrensgoing. Actually really, I kinda just played "Nuclear Eagle" or something. Later in September, I made an account. I hung there. Somehow I became prince or something. Speaking of which,
 * KingKyd
 * Aven13
 * Nicklol
 * Locomikey666

Some other person who stayed a guest in Barrens forever made an account. Her name was "Queenoflands". So if I was a prince, doesn't that make me their "product"? I don't know. I really doubt it.

Anyway, that aside, Queeroflands eventually left Barrens. Something like that. After that, Aven13 decided he'd suicide. He will always be missed. Somehow that made Barrens get more people. I don't think it's because he died, though. But well, more people coming, that included trolls.

At the time, Barrens never knew that people actually ran on trolls. So we got pretty annoyed by them. With trolls, there were stronger trolls. The pwners.

The pwners were like, without a better way to put it, the enemy kingdom of Barrens Chat. It was ran by KingKyd's mortal nemesis, MindHacker. MindHacker never actually did smash into people's heads using an axe, but well, he kinda just..yeah. Now in 2010, he barely shows up here, but he's not a troll, so it's all good.

MindHacker kinda teared down the Kingdom though. Eventually, he managed to make the kingdom retarded. So retarded, they kicked KingKyd off the throne he was never on. Well really, KingKyd was self proclaimed. I mean, no one else wanted to rule The Land of The Mine Glitch. The community of Barrens, being stupid now, recruited dinner, an egg, for a leader. I guess the Barrens throne is what all true warriors strive for.

Eventually, we fried the egg. Kyd got back on the throne. I decided to find a better use for my time, and went around Kongregate in search for a tutor for the art of Spaghetti Sorcery, that of which I've benefited from.

~Boometh

The Dying
I had just arrived as the golden age died. (See above chapter) What I remember? Barrens was a desolate place, only those faithful in the god Greg and goddess Alison stayed as the Barrens withered and died. The room was continously bombarded with chatnukes to the point of multiple modcalls. Also, people would spam filter evasion and reply chatnukes with counter-chatnukes.

Then, eventually chemotherapy of the chat. The trolls died out and the Barrens inhabitants began to repopulate the chat.

~Jujitsu788

The Villian
Around 2009, I started coming back to Kongregate, now with enough knowledge of Spaghetti Sorcery to be called, "A Pastamancer". Not that I even remember what I did to achieve that.

Barrens Chat still had trolls. Now, we know that Barrens benefits from trolls, but at the time, we didn't know that. The civilians greeted me as if I was a war hero. No, but I was still Prince. (Insert Fresh Prince joke here) They told me what I had missed. It was horrible. No, really, it was. The trolls died down, but that was only to grow and become harder, better, faster, stronger trolls.

Trolls started pouring in by some weird formations. I guess they really cared about the way they looked, and thus, our scouts told us they seemed to lign up like this:

▲

▲▓

 Trolls can't triforce

It just wouldn't end. Barrens has a relatively small defense team at the time. (What was KingKyd thinking?!) We couldn't do much, but I did the best I could to push back the force that was the troll army. I burnt them with my Fettucini Flames and then muted them

Eventually, we came faced with the commander of the trolls himself, Marbles_312. He was too 1337 to be a troll, he was just a n00b. Barrens almost never got n00bs, we figured trolls couldn't get good enough training, and that n00bs were extinct. But no.

Well, he found a way to get around the army, under the cunning disguise that is Marbles_313. (Oh dear, that's so clever, how would anyone have such a gifted mind like that? I could never come up with that!) Well then we (Fox2, Karfolian, and I) decapacitated the n00b, and put it out of our minds.

Eventually, The King came up with a realization he really should have gotten before, that he didn't know his neighbors.

Well, and then nothing happened. Peace was restored to Barrens, so I kinda just tried to advance the army of Barrens. Kyd wasn't here most of the time, so I tried to recruit an army for Barrens. I obtained a small army of anti-trolls. I guess since some of them looked up to me, they also learned various styles of food fighting.

And with that, Barrens stayed the way it is.

~Boometh

A Vision
Barrens stayed the way it was for way too long. We came to the conclusion that Kyd stopped showing up, but well, at that moment he started coming back.

Marbles tried to hang out in Barrens, but everyone refused to talk to him. He'd always only say "hi boometh" because he thought that he could blame his brother for the villianous deeds of Marbles_312. Obviously not. No one would talk to him, he says, probably because everyone has him muted, I say?

Well, one eventful night, I had a vision. Barrens started to speak to me. He told me something, he said something along the lines of "U MAH RIYT HAND LOL". I wasn't sure if I should tell Barrens, so I said "Barrens, I have something to say." Everyone stopped talking about music, and looked at me. I said, "Uhm...thegamelol" Barrens told me to tell them, so then I instantly told them. Then he told me to relay his words to the chat. He then said,

"Boometh is to be my right hand of the chat, my voice to Barrens Chat, the piece of me that goes to the generic Barrens civilian. I believe Boometh would be very good at that, seeing as he is known in the Barrens Chat community."

"I also think there is to be a Wise Sage of Barrens Chat, someone who is all-knowing and very intelligent. I think it should be LazyDevil."

"There should be master that stands out in the army, a "hero" if you will. But if I will, it is to be an eradicator of n00bs. His name is MnMz4L1F3."

"Lastly, there is to be a villian, someone to be against the community of Barrens. Most people dislike this person, and I can see why, desu most people have him muted. He seems to be just the kind of guy who would revolt against Barrens, and he's pretty revolting himself. I think it should be Suiseyseku, er, Suweesosuki, erm, something. I don't know his name better than you do, okay?"

After this strange vision, Barrens Chat actually started speaking to the whole chat. I kinda went AFK at the time but he said something about a demon coming to Barrens. We can only wait for the day to smite him. Or her. Something tells me it's gonna be a her, a lot of the female Barrenners dislike me.

And then, he left.

~Boometh

Standard Knights of Barrens
Although Barrens Chat feeds off of trolls, trolls are very powerful and so their confidence as a troll must be weakened before they are forever eaten. Here are the Standard Knights of Barrens Chat, a council for those who guard Barrens Chat from its food trolls until they are ready to be eaten. Like the above, most of this has been lost over time so here's the Knights as of Friday, July 23rd, 2010.

Boometh: Pasta Pegasus

Stalcloud: Ramen Rider

Ayrus: Jam Jester

KingKyd: King Kyd

supyo11: Turkey Treasurer

oblivion484: Banana Bard

xFreakx:Leek Launcher

Skellator: Candy Cannoneer

CommanderSaNtA: Tuna Thief (Even if he is a locust)

tyuiopa: Brocoli Bomber

HGunner_70: Pear Paladin

Karfolian: Spaghetti Spearman

CodehIsBeast: Jello Jouster

Chuck_N: Beef Berserker

WildWolfofDark: Filling filler

SamTheBaconator: Ham Halberdier

Knifeefiddla: (Chips?) Strawberry Soldier

maladon: Eggplant Executioner

Outbreak911/The Rage: Durian Destroyer

LazyDevil: Canneloni Cleric

Elfnow: Pretzel Priestess Retired Rice

MnMz4L1F3: Mango Magician

Fox2: Sushi Sage

KanonKross: Fudge Freezer

XCrackinUpX: Caramal Conjurer

Bassium: Watermelon Warlock

pyro404: Bagel Burner

XxJuDaSxX: Carrot Commander

Jarjojo408: Pineapple Possesor

ktrout42: Cod Captain

Cheesemanoflife: Dairy Digger

Vucadby: Chilli Champion

Jujitsu788: Salt Shogun

Sheensghost: Wasabi Wizard

Gods
Greg: A spirit who creates these strange wonderful forces called "Badges". No one is sure what they do, but some collect them anyway.

Alison:

Mods
chip256: Some guy who paints churches. There's obviously no churches in Barrens chat, though. Barrens has some Christians, but the chat itself is an Atheist.

CommanderSanta: He overdoses on Hard Lemonade then goes on tinychat to sing to us. Also the only Locust we don't mind in Barrens, he'd let us get away with murder (hopefully)

Legends
KingKyd: Dispute d Galaxy

Boometh: Hates, mods, hated by females, loved by female mods. And his Princesses.

Sheensghost: Some ghost

Ketchupyoshi: Ex-Barrenner, is now a ducky.

LazyDevil: Just flat-out awesome with a flat-out awesome girlfriend.

XxJuDaSxX: Cthulu

Outbreak911:

Jujitsu788: Will kick your ass.

Wahoowarrior/Fayt2: A guy with a hard life, is constantly stalked by Queenoflands (Kyd's Ex-Wife) and comes to Barrens to "visit".

MnMz4L1F3: The eradicator of n00bs. (N00bs are trolls that have became 1337 elite)

redead1816: Alt of MnMz when he gets banned. Btw, he hates mudkips.

HGunner_70: Filipino and leader of the BCSET.

Bassium: He hunts badges day and night. Mostly night though, if by night you mean nighttime in the U.S.

Aven13: A Barrenner who is now dead.

vucadby: Talks about .2% of the time he's actually here

Villains
Suiseiseki: Weeaboo, desu.

Barrens_Saint: Banhammer'd.

Gwenhwyfar: Loves Suiseiseki a little too much, desu

Queenoflands: Tried to be a succubus, but isn't hot. Somehow, she ended up getting Kyd though.

MindHacker: Hacks into people's minds using an axe and hammer

RaptorJawsus: Showed his Raptor Dick on Tinychat once

marbles_312: boom i am not a villian ok i get on just to play games and chat my other accounts my lil bro would get on and get me banned cause well he's a dick like that

ktrout42: Hated

Users
maladon: Malady?

Chuck_N: Captain Falcon's friend

Fox2: Furry Fox news

Joboman Doesn't afraid of anything.

Dabestman: Left

Crump12:

XCrackinupX: Flat-out awesome

Stalcloud: Is a kind and lovely person <3

CodehIsBeast:

DTKSilhouette Hates Kongregate and plans to lamp oil, rope, and bomb the headquarters, when he's a little, mmmm, richer.

THGirl: no spek ingle la?!

bobbert4ever: A lady.

Jarjojo408: Suckup to Bobbert. He also gets candy. But it's not Crunch.

Badge_hunter: Cramping Bass' style

ilytrisha: Showed her tits but didn't gtfo.

CJCommando: Has been very literally ear-raped. And liked it.

Musketgamer: Doesn't come here anymore and was a pretty cool guy when he did.

xFreakx: Bisexual "bodybuilder".

Karfolian: no comment.

Chewmungadunga: chews on shit???

WildwolfofDark: We know The Game and we're gonna lose it ♫ And then something about Tekken 3.

Azated: Coinsmith

Pallyman: His name means "Balls" in Italian

Jezuz: Lost to a Jew with a nailgun.

Ayrus is a dude