Barrens Chat

(Barrens doesn't actually look like this, but the artist (LazyDevil) is still really proud of it.)

Barrens Chat is the best chat in Kongregate history. Don't debate it, don't deny it, or we'll have your head on a silver platter.
Barrens Chat is named, of course, after the World of Borecraft. Don't come in asking if anyone here plays WoW. It shows that you are a newfag, something you don't want to be, or prepare to be trolled. The room used to be better back a few years ago when all the regulars were still around. A few have stayed with us, it will never be the same though. Slowly a new crop of regulars are joining and staying. Of those you will find a variety of people, the trolls, lurkers, a few nice ones, and some we all love to hate.

Also, Barrens is NOT for people who refuse to say anything that makes sense. If you're going to come here, at least TRY to have a generic conversation. Here in Barrens, we burn people who claim their selves as " random ". Barrens also isn't for the generic 16 year old girl. Y'know, the poser that everyone loves for some reason. The poser who sticks excessive vowels everywherereeeeeeeee. We burn those, too.

On top of that, please do not go into Barrens with your G.I.R.L (Guy in real life) just so you can spam your *cuddle* and "poke" roleplay.. We don't appreciate people who just stride into Barrens to make love. It's not cute, and Kyd will kill you if you do.

'''We are the Barreners and we will report you... Well, not really, but watch out anyway, or Kyd will report you.'''

In short, no furries, emos, diamond vampires, 4channers, "cute" people, "sexy" people, or illiterate people.

TristanKeyFinder's idea of Barrens... "This room is like submitting an application to be emotionally raped..."

Barrens Creation
On the First day, Greg said "Let there be Kongregate. And avast, there was Kong.

On the Second day, Greg said "Let there be games, that users might play to gain points and fame." And there were games.

On the Third day, Greg said "Let there be chatrooms, so users might converse and Kongregate together." And there were chatrooms.

On the Fourth day, Greg said, "Let there be forums, so users might post their art or thoughts to the community at large" And there was forums.

On the Fifth day, Greg said, "Let there be Moderators, to keep the sinners in line" And there was moderators.

On the Sixth day, Greg said, "Let there be Barrens Chat, the greatest of all realms, and here i will create my people" And there was chat.

On the Seventh day, Greg slept in. But since the idea was incomplete, decided to invent jewgold kreds, a way of bleeding Kongregans of all they had.

So what did Alison do?

Greg never stops by here anymore anyways.

The Beginning
It all started one day on....uhh, I forgot. But uhm, after Greg invented Barrens Chat, people came to it. A few people stayed by, but others saw of it as nothing special. Maybe because all that anyone talked about was the mine glitch.

Some people became Barrens regulars. Mostly: I observed most of the Barrensgoing. Actually really, I kinda just played "Nuclear Eagle" or something. Later in September, I made an account. I hung there. Somehow I became prince or something. Speaking of which,
 * KingKyd
 * Aven13
 * Nicklol
 * Locomikey666

Some other person who stayed a guest in Barrens forever made an account. Her name was "Queenoflands". So if I was a prince, doesn't that make me their "product"? I don't know. I really doubt it.

Anyway, that aside, Queeroflands eventually left Barrens. Something like that. After that, Aven13 decided he'd suicide. He will always be missed. Somehow that made Barrens get more people. I don't think it's because he died, though. But well, more people coming, that included trolls.

At the time, Barrens never knew that people actually ran on trolls. So we got pretty annoyed by them. With trolls, there were stronger trolls. The pwners.

The pwners were like, without a better way to put it, the enemy kingdom of Barrens Chat. It was ran by KingKyd's mortal nemesis, MindHacker. MindHacker never actually did smash into people's heads using an axe, but well, he kinda just..yeah. Now in 2010, he barely shows up here, but he's not a troll, so it's all good.

MindHacker kinda teared down the Kingdom though. Eventually, he managed to make the kingdom retarded. So retarded, they kicked KingKyd off the throne he was never on. Well really, KingKyd was self proclaimed. I mean, no one else wanted to rule The Land of The Mine Glitch. The community of Barrens, being stupid now, recruited dinner, an egg, for a leader. I guess the Barrens throne is what all true warriors strive for.

Eventually, we fried the egg. Kyd got back on the throne. I decided to find a better use for my time, and went around Kongregate in search for a tutor for the art of Spaghetti Sorcery, that of which I've benefited from.

~Boometh

The Dying
I had just arrived as the golden age died. (See above chapter) What I remember? Barrens was a desolate place, only those faithful in the god Greg and goddess Alison stayed as the Barrens withered and died. The room was continously bombarded with chatnukes to the point of multiple modcalls. Also, people would spam filter evasion and reply chatnukes with counter-chatnukes.

Then, eventually chemotherapy of the chat. The trolls died out and the Barrens inhabitants began to repopulate the chat.

~Jujitsu788

The Villain
Around 2009, Barrens Chat still had trolls, and it always will. Now, we know that Barrens benefits from trolls, but at the time, we didn't know that. It was horrible. No, really, it was. The trolls died down, but that was only to grow and become harder, better, faster, stronger trolls.

Trolls started pouring in by some weird formations. I guess they really cared about the way they looked, and thus, our scouts told us they seemed to line up like this:

 ▲

 ▲▓

 Trolls can't triforce

It just wouldn't end. Barrens has a relatively small defense team at the time (What was KingKyd thinking?!). We couldn't do much, but we did the best we could to push back the force that was the troll army. We burnt them with Boom's Fettucini Flames and then muted them.

Eventually, we came faced with the commander of the trolls himself, Marbles_312. He was too 1337 to be a troll, he was just a n00b. Barrens almost never got n00bs, we figured trolls couldn't get good enough training, and that n00bs were extinct. But no.

Well, he found a way to get around the army, under the cunning disguise that is Marbles_313. (Oh dear, that's so clever, how would anyone have such a gifted mind like that? I could never come up with that!) Well then we (Fox2, Karfolian, and I) decapitated the n00b, and put it out of our minds.

Eventually, The King came up with a realization he really should have gotten before, that he didn't know his neighbors.

Well, and then nothing happened. Peace was restored to Barrens, so I kinda just tried to advance the army of Barrens. Kyd wasn't here most of the time, so we tried to recruit an army for Barrens. We obtained a small army of anti-trolls.

And with that, Barrens stayed the way it is.

~Boometh

A Vision
Barrens stayed the way it was for way too long. We came to the conclusion that Kyd stopped showing up, but well, at that moment he started coming back.

Marbles tried to hang out in Barrens, but everyone refused to talk to him. He'd always only say "hi boometh" because he thought that he could blame his brother for the villianous deeds of Marbles_312. Obviously not. No one would talk to him, he says, probably because everyone has him muted, I say?

Well, one eventful night, I had a vision. Barrens started to speak to me. He told me something, he said something along the lines of "U MAH RIYT HAND LOL". I wasn't sure if I should tell Barrens, so I said "Barrens, I have something to say." Everyone stopped talking about music, and looked at me. I said, "Uhm...thegamelol" Barrens told me to tell them, so then I instantly told them. Then he told me to relay his words to the chat. He then said,

"Boometh is to be my right hand of the chat, my voice to Barrens Chat, the piece of me that goes to the generic Barrens civilian. I believe Boometh would be very good at that, seeing as he is known in the Barrens Chat community."

"I also think there is to be a Wise Sage of Barrens Chat, someone who is all-knowing and very intelligent. I think it should be LazyDevil."

"There should be master that stands out in the army, a "hero" if you will. But if I will, it is to be an eradicator of n00bs. His name is MnMz4L1F3."

"Lastly, there is to be a villian, someone to be against the community of Barrens. Most people dislike this person, and I can see why, desu most people have him muted. He seems to be just the kind of guy who would revolt against Barrens, and he's pretty revolting himself. I think it should be Suiseyseku, er, Suweesosuki, erm, something. I don't know his name better than you do, okay?"

After this strange vision, Barrens Chat actually started speaking to the whole chat. I kinda went AFK at the time but he said something about a demon coming to Barrens. We can only wait for the day to smite him. Or her. Something tells me it's gonna be a her, a lot of the female Barrenners dislike me.

And then, everyone got a Red Bull he left. The chat shut up for awhile. Nothing really happened.

~Boometh

A Sign
Barrens continued on as it has in the past, and it was just a typical day in the land. KingKyd visited Barrens and told everyone off for not saying hello to him. Everyone proceeded to carry on with their conversations, but there was a dark force afoot. Pwnyourface, enemy of KingKyd, arrived in Barrens and insulted Kyd for apparently being young and other sexual things.

As usual, everyone took sides, and proceeded to flame the other side with various idiotic comments about their sexuality. KingKyd, however, stood above the chaos and commented that Pwnyourface was the demon that was coming to Barrens. Boometh and I thought otherwise, as Pwnyourface did not appear to be civilized and sophisicated enough to be able to have the power to destroy Barrens. He did however, cause a bit of a ruckus in Barrens, so we all have to give credit to the troll.

After cleaning up Pwn's mess, I began to wonder what exactly is coming to Barrens after all. Using my notes and overall research on Trolls, I discovered that there is a high possibility of a Troll King coming to Barrens. Naturally, I asked my fellow colleague Boometh, as he has also dealt with trolls before.

We agreed that a Troll King is indeed coming and we thought of how to vanquish this threat. Obviously, we needed stronger Knights, which Boometh is currently working on. I am devising a plan to defend Barrens, as it will likely be a long assault on the chat.

After that, we just talked about last night's televised events and the Gamestop conspiracy.

~Sheensghost

Kong sold out. lololol

~Boometh

The Betrayal
Barrens had lost it's cool, and broken under the pressure of /G/amestop. More advertisements appeared to warp one's mind about Kreds. The Knights of Barrens were giving up hope on Kongregate. Many people were down about Kongregate's recent decision, but none more than Boometh, and after his colleague's choice of aspiring to become Barrens' best mod, Boometh is broken. LazyDevil wants to change Barrens for the better.

What do you get if you cross Stalcloud and Boometh? Crystal Meth.

What did David Draiman say as his shower got unexpectedly hot? Oh WAHAHAHA

 ~LazyDevil

The Excrutiatingly Painful Boredom
Why does the whole kingdom of Barrens share one journal? I don't know. It lacks privacy. I mean that's what a journal is for, right? Oh, well, at least it eliminates the problem of wanting to read someone else's diary-alike, since we kinda have to.

Barrens has died. Completely. Remember the golden age? Oh, man, that stuff was frickin' awesome. No noobs, no retards, no 16 year old girls, no emos, no sparkly vampires, no cuddlefests. Sure, the only thing anyone talked about was Platform Racing 1, but man, that was great. So why do I miss it so much!?

I guess the problem is now, there's nothing to look forward to. I doubt a troll king is coming. I doubt anything is coming! It's been months. I powerleveled the Knights, and nothing has happened yet. Someone has to feel me, here. I was over-buffed for Barrens' last stand, right? The final battle with the troll army, one fight to change everything for the better. Nothing mattered but now.

And then nothing.

Like I said though, Barrens has died. All the Knights are giving up hope on Barrens. Kongregate had began withering, for all that mattered to them now was Kreds. Goddamnit. Gamestop has ravaged the mansion of Kongregate (Yes, Kongregate is a mansion, think about some of the room names) and turned everyone into a money-driven freak. Although, sure, it wouldn't be a mansion without money, Jewgold matters to the staff more than ever! To make matters worse, Greg doesn't come here any more. He's practically forgotten about us, probably. Where's our Greg? What has happened?! This sucks.

~Boometh

Standard Knights of Barrens
Although Barrens Chat feeds off of trolls, trolls are very powerful and so their strength as a troll must be weakened before they are forever nom'd. Here are the Standard Knights of Barrens Chat, a council for those who guard Barrens Chat from trolls until they are ready to be eaten. These are the Knights as of August 17th, 2010.

KingKyd: The Kydian King of Barrens.

Stalcloud: The Queen B of Barrens

Boometh: Ultimate Holy Failure

Ayrus: Jam Jester

supyo11: Ham Hoarder

oblivion484: Spaghetti Singer

xFreakx: Eggplant Exploder

Skellator: Chocolate Cannoneer

tyuiopa: Broccoli Bomber

Rohtua: Strawberry Sniper

WildWolfofDark: Gravy Gunner

Pacsmaniac: Shake Shooter

CommanderSaNtA: Banana Bandit

CodehIsBeast: Jalapeno Hitman

Yokopoo: Alfredo Assassin

Dragonlarfer: Apple Agent

HGunner_70: Pear Paladin

Karfolian: Grape Guardian

Chuck_N: Beef Berserker

SamTheBaconator: Ham Halberdier

Knifefiddla: Turkey Trooper

maladon: Eggplant Executioner

Outbreak911: Salami Swordsman

jerlin35: Panzeroti Pikemaster

LazyDevill: Carbonara Cleric

MnMz4L1F3: Cookie Caster

Fox2: Sodium Sage

KanonKross: Fudge Freezer

XCrackinUpX: Caramal Conjurer

Bassium: Watermelon Warlock

pyro4040: Bagel Burners

Sheensghost: Angus Archmage

Riakai: Curry Caller

coji12023: Sammich Strengthener

CodyOfUK: Proteinmancer

XxJuDaSxX: Carrot Commander

Jarjojo408: Pineapple Possesor

ktrout42: Cod Captain

Kennimiester: Sugar Summoner

cheesemanoflife: Dairy Digger

vucadby: Chilli Champion

Jujitsu788: Salt Shogun

Section of Loathing
Barrens chat loves Kingdom of Loathing. We do. One day, supyo11 decided that Barrens needed a clan, so Boometh made one. We have over 10 people (wow, really..) but the more people we have, the faster we grow. So join. We're not m34t v4c(_)(_)m5.

Features: Tiny Radio

How to join:

Reach level 3.

Town > Clan Hall

Search "FromKongregate"

Click "FromKongregate"

Scroll to the bottom, tick "confirm" and click "Apply".

Gods
Greg: A spirit who creates these strange wonderful forces called "Badges". No one is sure what they do, but some collect them anyway. Although he really doesn't even come here anymore.

Alison: Goddess of.... kitchens something.. What does a God do, anyway?

Locusts
'''LazyDevil for Moderator! ~LazyDevil'''

chip256: Some guy who paints churches. There's obviously no churches in Barrens chat, though. Barrens has some Christians, but the chat itself is an Atheist.

CommanderSanta: He overdoses on Hard Lemonade then goes on tinychat to sing to us. Also the only Locust we don't mind in Barrens, he'd let us get away with murder (hopefully)

Pingster: A generic locust.

Legends
KingKyd: Disputed Galaxy and King of Barrens

Stalcloud: The kind and lovely Queen ♥

Boometh: The Barrens failure

supyo11: Turtle Tamer and Treasurer of Barrens

Sheensghost: Some ghost that founded BCSET and is awesome.

LazyDevil: Just flat-out awesome with a flat-out awesome girlfriend.

XxJuDaSxX: Cthulu's voice to Barrens Chat

Outbreak911: (Insert disease or 9-11 message here)

Jujitsu788: Will kick your ass.

Wahoowarrior/Fayt2: A guy with a hard life, is constantly stalked by Queenoflands (Kyd's Ex-Wife) and comes to Barrens to "visit".

MnMz4L1F3: The eradicator of n00bs. (N00bs are trolls that have became 31337 elite)

redead1816: Alt of MnMz when he gets banned. Btw, he hates mudkips.

HGunner_70: Filipino and leader of the BCSET.

Bassium: He hunts badges day and night. Mostly night though.

vucadby: Lurker... EPIC lurker

Villains
Suiseiseki: Weeaboo, desu.

Barrens_Saint: Banhammer'd alt of Suiseiseki.

Gwenhwyfar: Loves Suiseiseki, desu.

Queenoflands: Tried to be a succubus, but isn't hot. Somehow, she ended up getting Kyd though.

MindHacker: Hacks into people's heads with an axe and hammer.

RaptorJawsus: Showed his Raptor Dick on Tinychat once.

marbles_312: "boom i am not a villian ok i get on just to play games and chat my other accounts my lil bro would get on and get me banned cause well he's a dick like that."

ktrout42: Hated

???: The Demon foreseen in the history, possibly Pwnyourface (WaterFungus).

Alama16: Guy who followed Boometh into Barrens because Boometh is an Everybody Edits failure. Likes failing levels.

redviper978: "stop asking me questions queen god what r u a stocker?"

UBERxL33T: Needs his wahoos tied to the ceiling. A 4channer and Barrens prick.

Users
maladon: Malady?

dill123: Tickle Pickle

Chuck_N: Captain Falcon's friend

Fox2: Furry Fox news

Joboman Doesn't afraid of anything.

Dabestman: Left

Crump12:

cute22: Is she actually cute? Probably not.

420Fairy

KingofBritains: Not the British Prime Minister, so don't get any id---THE GAME

XCrackinupX: Flat-out awesome

CodehIsBeast:

11_toes: Isn't willing to brown-nose anyone to get here.

DTKSilhouette Hates Kongregate and plans to lamp oil, rope, and bomb the headquarters, when he's a little, mmmm, richer.

THGirl: no spek ingle la?!

Yokopoo: Hot semi-troll.

bobbert4ever: A lady.

KristieMJM: Says "hi."

Jarjojo408: Suckup to Bobbert. He also gets candy. But it's not Crunch.

Badge_hunter: Cramping Bass' style

ilytrisha: Loves meth.

FirstBlood610: Self proclaimed ninja.

Ryanglavin: Resident Alchoholic

CJCommando: Has been very literally ear-raped. And liked it.

Musketgamer: Doesn't come here anymore and was a pretty cool guy when he did.

xFreakx: Bodybuilder and part time troll when he feels like it.

Karfolian: no comment.

Chewmungadunga: chews on shit??

WildwolfofDark: We know The Game and we're gonna lose it ♫ And then something about Tekken 3.

Azated: Coinsmith

Pallyman: Nothing about Italia here.

Jezuz: Lost to a Jew with a nailgun.

Ayrus: Is Ayrus.

Ex-Barrenners
Ketchupyoshi: Legendary Hero's mount. But is now a ducky.

Bert1432: Shunned for hitting on a generic 16-year-old girl and also shunned for trolling the wiki. Was a mockingbird but recent news tells us he is shunned from there, too.

The Mute Mafia: People who take a Barrener's name and stick "Mute" before it.

Aven13: Died. And didn't respawn.

evilpixie: See above.

Sheensghost's fanfic
 Chapter One: Introductions 

''There was once a user who dubbed himself as Sheensghost. He was formally known as Sheen by his friends and colleagues. He came about a few years ago. He spawned in Barrens Chat, the land of Greg. Being a new player, he found it hard to communicate with the other members. KingKyd was friendly to him, and thus a new friendship was born. Sheen eventually became friends with the regulars and went on to become a regular himself. Some of the more prominent friends in those early days was Boometh, KingKyd, Nicklol, and SevenofSpades, though he prizes all his friends equally. Barrens Chat in those days was destructive, though there was a certain sense of order and law as well. KingKyd and Queenoflands ruled over this kingdom, with Boometh as the prince. There were several princesses, however, and Boometh found himself in an awkward position. Indeed, it was a joyful time in Barrens, even though there were several trolls that passed by and attacked. No matter, there were a few moderators dedicated to guarding the chat. All was well in these days. However, peace could only last for so long.''

 Chapter Two: MindHacker 

''MindHacker came to Barrens and was involved in a battle with the fair King of Barrens. As a dedicated member of Barrens, Sheen immediately rose with his allies and fought the deadly forces of MindHacker and his trolls. It was in this fight that Sheen learned how to utilize the power of roleplaying, which proved to be effective in the future. He magically pulled a sword to his hand, blocking a strike from a troll quickly and countering. Magic is a useful tool, but it has dire consequences when used without concentration. Sheen felt himself falling, but lightly, very lightly. He began to see darkness, as if he was sleeping. After drawing his reserved power in his veins, he revitalized himself and awoke. He found himself on the floor of the inn. He walked around and asked for news of the king. Everyone said, "The King and Queen have fallen."''

At the same time?