Atlas Park

Welcome to Atlas Park
Here at Atlas Park, we begrudgingly welcome everyone, mainly because we have no choice. If you want to become an Atlas Park regular, reconsider. If you want to become an Atlas Park Moderator, it's not very hard. They really do just hand those jobs out (just kidding, we love you JeniseS, please don't silence us). If you actually manage to merit one of these titles, don't be offended when we roast you in your description. So, welcome to the Park, a pants-free adventuring environment.

Rules

 * 1) Get naked.
 * 2) Hate other rooms and all they stand for. FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO LEGS BAD!
 * 3) Keep your opinions to yourself unless you're fully prepared to be ferociously argued with.
 * 4) Limit virtual rape to PMs, no one needs to see all that.
 * 5) Have a set of balls, and some chest on your hair.

News

 * Don't try to room-hop on us, readers! We can smell Ant Hill on your breath.
 * Almost one whole day without flame war! Wait, make that zero.
 * Is it truly happening? Is the room actually growing? And at the start of school no less?
 * A tear is shed daily for the Kongregate Chat App we never had.
 * No, we will not add you to the regs list because you are "always on, but just gaming."

Moderators
On Kongregate, Moderators are a lot like cops; very powerful, but not very competent. Some of them are chain-smoking homicide detectives, cynical from years on the job, seeing what people have the capacity to do, what people have the capacity to troll. Some are dirty badges, fat and lazy like spoiled cats, ready to take any size bribe to silence that guy you don't like and not lift a finger otherwise. Here at Atlas Park, it is more of an honorary title for elderly homebodies so they can feel more productive. Our lovely little room does not have a room owner. Many have tried and many have failed. This only contributes to the untamed majesty that is Atlas Park.

JeniseS

"i tell you son, you're not the best. you rappin' dont even past the test. your lyrics really arent that great. you got 15 minutes, now you have to wait" -JeniseS

Always absent when needed and needed when absent, Jenise is wise, down-to-Earth, logical, and elderly all at the same time. Her hobbies include her pistol, tasteful swinging, and AdVenture Capitalist! If there is any such thing as a cool teacher, it is Jenise. Even with unlimited power over the whole of Atlas Park, her prime concern is always making people happy, which can be a bit counterproductive when it comes to trolls, but... what the hell. All hail Jenise!

Ayrus

''"Quit yer bitchin'." -Ayrus''

Omniscient and genderless, Ayrus is a biochemist for an unknown company, in an unknown location, working for unknown wages. No one really knows if Ayrus is weaponizing ebola or curing cancer, but then again, no one cares. Very busy and very stressed always, Ayrus likes to pretend he doesn't have any power, only to wield it like the wrath of God a minute later. Ayrus is probably the most active of our moderators, but only because he will promptly silence anyone who even mentions hentai or rape and will make sure to ban anyone he suspects of being under-aged.

Regulars
Regulars are people who have donated little pieces of their souls and large chunks of their lives to a particular chat room. In the end, they have absolutely no reward to show for their devotion, other than a little credit. You should respect your regulars and tolerate their mindless bullshit, because you never know when they just might become a Mod and ban your ass.

blebbeh

"i wish i could get roofied daily" -blebbeh

If you frequent Atlas Park, you know blebbeh. Shrouded in mystery, she is the self-appointed chronicler of the happenings and personages of the room. Being as narcissistic as she is, paired with how little she cares about anyone or anything else, it is very fair to label her the sociopath to rule them all. The only tangible thing close to a moral that can be taken from her behavior is her desperate flailing to remain #1 Motherfucker, even going so far as putting "Queen of Atlas Park" in her kongregate bio. Emotionless, uncaring and yet strangely captivating, blebbeh may inspire various conflicting feelings. This will make you want to lash out, a desire you should most definitely act on, for the entertainment of the room. In her desperate attempts to keep "her park" neat and tidy, you will usually find her quoting and linking the conduct page, and making reports, or "citizen's arrests" to those who think themselves exempt from punishment.

booty__pirate

"all that's for sure is my seed wants to spread. and i can provide the resources to nurture it. nawmsayin" -booty__pirate

Shalom, goyim! Booty, an I.T. Crowd-Lumberjack hybrid with the brain of an endearingly passive-aggressive Jewish uncle, fills the entirety of Atlas Park with his presence, simultaneously having zero completely distinct personality traits, and having them all. Booty is one of the more talkative regulars in the area, although entertaining his ramblings and hubbub will definitely send you on some kind of journey, the content of which can never be predicted. He might gift you some useful, very detailed advice on how to become the best prostitute possible, tell you that all of your opinions are worthless, or just tell you to go fuck yourself and go smoke a bowl. A man of luxury and good taste, he isn't one to entertain the lower class, so if you have nothing to provide him, scurry away. Think that this bio isn't entirely accurate? You'll know better when you're older.

BugsRucker

"my penis is small but i have huge fists" -BugsRucker

BugsRucker serves as the world's best example of why old people shouldn't go on the internet. We've had our fair share of lovable seniors in the Park, from the Woodstock-esque maternal elegance of JeniseS to ValeyardKnight's (R.I.P.) creepy sophistication, but none of them have filled the drunk uncle-shaped hole in our hearts until Bugs came around. Somehow both clever and sloppy, he spends his time in Atlas Park flailing around in attempts to make witty remarks about all of the happenings, although his apparent constant intoxication makes it a losing battle. In the olden days of the room, Bugs was seen to be a poor, drunk bastard. Nowadays, however, he can afford to be a drunk bastard.

crazykiller282

"if the 8 yr old said yes it would be consensual" -crazykiller282

Stupidly genius, or cleverly moronic? crazykiller282 is an acquired taste to be sure, like Jack White. And like Jack White, he is also an extremely controversial subject. His hot-headed attitude and hate for nearly everything that isn't himself or KingDaedalus makes him an intimidating person, but a fun one to get to know. He is almost a troll, but hates tree_fiddy too much to be considered one. If you come across him, which you almost certainly will if you frequent the Park during moonlight hours, hold your dignity and self-respect tightly, because he will destroy it otherwise.

Cuxinhund

"The fact that cux is on the wiki and i am not makes me want to kill myself" -Procrastinator_

Cux has a special place in the heart of Atlas Park. Specifically, our clogged arteries. Many would say that if we could get Cux surgically removed, we would. However, the tumor of his existence has spread to all of our brains, and now it seems impossible to live without him around. Cux spends most of his time idly chatting with anyone, from the regs to the lurkers and spammers. He is an activist against all mediated discussion or emotional breakthrough in the room, feeding off of the anger and frustration he drills into the minds of the newbies, and just about anyone who hasn't become immune to his half-thought out disses and blatant insults. No matter when you're on, or what you do, Cux will always be the tapeworm we don't want to poop out.

Gramps_

''"Shad is Trump. Shad is a much much much much much poorer Trump." -Ayrus''

When TshadS (also known as Grandpa Shad, T-Money, and Shadway Express) is on, you can usually expect him to be the optimistic note in the otherwise pessimistic sonnet that is Atlas Park. He will keep the chat rolling on but prevent it from derailing. Recently, he was permabanned from Kong for taking swings at the mods out of boredom, and now lives on as Gramps_. He is still shad in our hearts though... our cold, dark, sadistic hearts...

KingDaedalus 

''"Ever reflect on when you were a child and just think 'this guy's an asshole?" -KingDaedalus''

No one really knows how Dae became a king. He wasn't born to the title, he didn't earn it, and in no discernible way does he deserve it. He comes on nearly every day and is a devoted regular to the Park, making him a painted target for trolls. Unfortunately for them, if he isn't shrugging off their pitiful insults like dead leaves, he is reducing them to ash through his burning retorts. All in all, he is a pretty nice guy and interesting person to converse with, not to mention a loyal editor of the wiki you are currently treading on. If you are worthy enough to merit his friendship, then you are probably already on this list.

Loki_LOTPR1

"I tried to run this jewry out of here and jenise shows up and stops me =(" -Loki_LOTPR1

Loki came a long way to be on the Atlas Park Wikia page. He started off as a meager troll, and throughout his time on Kongregate, he evolved into something more powerful than any of us could comprehend. He became one of the main trolls on one of the most busy rooms in the entire site, and earned himself a reputation in the Park. Everyone considers him a sort of wasp; When he's around, all you can do is be still and hope to your deity of choice that he doesn't put you on his list of shit to destroy. Cunning and almost supernaturally motivated, Loki has been known to make dozens or more of alts in order to ambush users he is bent on trolling or harassing. We know this because of his aggressive angry begging to be added to the wiki. Still, saying that trolls can't be part of the Reg community in Atlas Park would be to compromise nearly everyone.

ranushy

"do i look like a joker to you? :)" -ranushy

There are a few people who do enjoy ran's (or nushy's) presence in the room, and she isn't completely insufferable, nor does she insult anyone and everyone she comes across. She is a Middle Eastern-American fifteen-year-old girl who is very faithfully Muslim. She is very nice to be around and seems completely harmless, but watch your back. There is a magical little innocence to her, and she very rarely uses curse words. Even if she did, it would be difficult to find through the flood of smiley-face emotions. However, as it is with many children of her age, get on her bad side and she will do everything in her power to make your day slightly annoying. EVERYTHING. :)

Oldies
Oldies are former regulars, usurped from power by the new generation. Most have either moved to a new room or vanished from Kongregate completely. Looking back on it, there are a lot of old regs that made their mark on Atlas Park. Unfortunately, there are just too many to list that came and went over the last eight years, so we will have to name as many we can with our memory as our only source.

Blanc_Noir - Noir, what can we even begin to say about you? I'm even almost hesitant to say anything at all, in fear that if I cross a line with my words, Noir will come to me in my sleep and do unspeakable and inappropriate things to me. While this is definitely a risk, it is one of the more rare punishments that Noir deals out daily. The most common: Absolute and total verbal annihilation in the Atlas Park chat room. It is fair to say that deciding to get into an argument with Ashleigh is like skipping to the final boss level in a game you've never played before. While her usual prey includes trolls, spammers (this should be motivation enough to not be an asshole in chat), and people with any shred of self-esteem at all, she could snap at just about anyone for just about anything... Her friendship is incredibly difficult to earn but is pretty rewarding when you do. Who wouldn't like the T-Rex to be on their side? She has more accounts than you have tangled wires so we can never be sure that this description is up to date.

ElDonuto - ElDonuto was a game developer who frequented Atlas Park in the olden days. No one has seen him in a long while, at least not in Atlas Park, and it is widely believed that he melded minds with a wild binary dragon and disappeared into the matrix. So, if you happen to run across a flying dinosaur with a severe case of multiple personality disorder, please tell ElDonuto to come home. The infinitesimal percentage of us who actually remember him kind of miss him and his generally apathetic attitude (But seriously, no one knows who he is).

tree_fiddy - tree_fiddy was a legendary troll in the olden days; racist, spiteful, and annoying as hell. Perma-banned after rampaging through the park on several occasions, we will generously label him an oldie. After all, most of the regulars had simply grown used to his presence and some even slightly attached to him. No one knows what he did with his life after being erased from Kong, but we assume he sat up from his rusted folding chair, his sticky keyboard, and his eternally glowing monitor, heavy with dust, and walked outside for the first time in a century. At this instant, his being, soul and body, blew away in the wind as dust. This was the end of tree_fiddy, this will be the end of all trolls. We hope.

Credits
Contrary to popular opinion, this page was not ushered into being through powerful sorcery or diabolical science. In fact, the little magic that was instituted in its creation was feeble and inexperienced. You have a lot of people to thank (or blacklist, depending on your personal opinions) for how far Atlas Park's wiki page has come since it was a stub.

Editors
blebbeh - Thanks to bleb, who, despite all of the hate and discredit directed towards her work on the wiki, has and continues to make it great. Most of the profile descriptions and neat little tidbits you see present are her own work.

KingDaedalus - Dae, the only other editor here, who also exists, is responsible for the majority of the introductions to the sections and a whole bunch of other inconsequential little things you don't care about.