Barrens Chat

Barrens Chat is the best chat in Kongregate history.
Welcome to Barrens Chat: Home of the exalted trolls. Mature conversations (read: immature conversations about mature subjects) and epic trolling abound. Children and failtrolls need not apply. Barrens Chat is named, of course, after the World of Warcraft. Don't come in asking if anyone here plays WoW. It shows that you are a newfag, something you don't want to be. We are home to a variety of people, the trolls, lurkers, a few nice ones, and some we all love to hate.

Barrens has a history, but out with the old and in with the new. Look lower down if you want to nostalgia.

Regs
CommanderSanta: Barrens one and only accepted Mod. Known for his epic tinychats.

Suiseiseki: The original name was b&, but lives on through alts. He is, what every troll strives to be.

Stalcloud: MILF who fluctuates between saccharine sweet and spectacularly shitty.

Mindhacker: Don't bother running, you'll only die tired.

Kehbzy: .ll. *Siamese penis*

Chuck_N: Likes him some scene chicks.

XxJuDaSxX: We can get raped more than any of you. *Cheers*

Franzen: A brilliant man with quick wit and an even temper.

11_toes: Really has 11 toes...one of the good guys...most of the time.

KristieMJM: Sweet Canadian girl who is always friendly to everyone.

iamtheholyone: Proficianado of the Rubik's Cube. Also, The Game.

Sparky_Baker: His clever repartee and witty retorts will leave you un-known to the fact you just got pwned.

Boometh: Rupees. I'm level 24 because I don't try.

LazyDevil: Trust issues + Internet = The complete and total opposite of gullible.

XCrackinupX: LazyDevils awesome girlfriend. This girl will put you in your place in a heartbeat.

Barrywise: Stays busy with his highschools swimming and baseball teams. No stalkers please.

animaniacz: Self-admitted attention whore who doesn't show tits.

xFreakx: Bodybuilder and part time troll.

MnMz4L1F3: Doesn't give a fu*k.

Gwenhwyfar: Know more about metal than any of you, so don't bother arguing with her.

live4love: live4love: Not your everyday Barrener. Kind and gentle. Just don't make her angry.

vucadby: EPIC lurker.

RaptorJawsus:

Tycholarfero:

Outbreak911: John the Bassist.

Jujitsu788: Will kick your ass.

Ayrus: Ayrus is Ayrus and nothing more.

Dabestman: Make it sexy.

Yoshifuzz:

bobbert4ever:

Jarjojo408:

RurouniGoldeye:

chewmungadunga: Barrens rapist :D

Jezuz:

WildWolfofDark:

Ex Barreners and old regs
KingKyd

Aven13

evilpixie

Bassium

UBERxL33T

Wahoowarrior

Fox2

Joboman

Crump12

supyo11

Sheensghost

maladon

DTKSilhouette

HGunner_70

CodehIsBeast

Azated

Pallyman

ktrout42

ilytrisha

Karfolian

bert1432

The_Last_Gamer

The_Game_Screen

FirstBlood610

Ryanglavin

CJCommando

Exodus
On the First day, Greg said "Let there be Kongregate. And avast, there was Kong.

On the Second day, Greg said "Let there be games, that users might play to gain points and fame." And there were games.

On the Third day, Greg said "Let there be chatrooms, so users might converse and Kongregate together." And there were chatrooms.

On the Fourth day, Greg said, "Let there be forums, so users might post their art or thoughts to the community at large" And there was forums.

On the Fifth day, Greg said, "Let there be Moderators, to keep the sinners in line" And there was moderators.

On the Sixth day, Greg said, "Let there be Barrens Chat, the greatest of all realms, and here i will create my* people" And there was chat.

On the Seventh day, Greg slept in. But since the idea was incomplete, decided to invent jewgold kreds, a way of bleeding Kongregans of all they had, and in return, giving them a children's card game that isn't about Egypt.

The Beginning
It all started one day on....uhh, I forgot. But uhm, after Greg invented Barrens Chat, people came to it. A few people stayed by, but others saw of it as nothing special. Maybe because all that anyone talked about was the mine glitch.

Some people became Barrens regulars. Mostly: KingKyd, Aven13, Nicklol, and Locomikey666. I observed most of the Barrensgoing. Actually really, I kinda just played "Nuclear Eagle" or something. Later in September, I made an account. I hung there. Somehow I became prince or something. Speaking of which,

Some other person who stayed a guest in Barrens forever made an account. Her name was "Queenoflands". So if I was a prince, doesn't that make me their "product"? I don't know. I really doubt it.

Anyway, that aside, Queeroflands eventually left Barrens. Something like that. After that, Aven13 decided he'd suicide. He will always be missed. Somehow that made Barrens get more people. I don't think it's because he died, though. But well, more people coming, that included trolls.

At the time, Barrens never knew that people actually ran on trolls. So we got pretty annoyed by them. With trolls, there were stronger trolls. The pwners.

The pwners were like, without a better way to put it, the enemy kingdom of Barrens Chat. It was ran by KingKyd's mortal nemesis, MindHacker. MindHacker never actually did smash into people's heads using an axe, but well, he kinda just..yeah. Now in 2010, he barely shows up here, but he's not a troll, so it's all good.

MindHacker kinda teared down the Kingdom though. Eventually, he managed to make the kingdom retarded. So retarded, they kicked KingKyd off the throne he was never on. Well really, KingKyd was self proclaimed. I mean, no one else wanted to rule The Land of The Mine Glitch. The community of Barrens, being stupid now, recruited dinner, an egg, for a leader. I guess the Barrens throne is what all true warriors strive for.

Eventually, we fried the egg. Kyd got back on the throne. I decided to find a better use for my time, and went around Kongregate in search for a tutor for the art of Spaghetti Sorcery, that of which I've benefited from.

~Boometh

The Dying
I had just arrived as the golden age died. (See above chapter) What I remember? Barrens was a desolate place, only those faithful in the god Greg and goddess Alison stayed as the Barrens withered and died. The room was continously bombarded with chatnukes to the point of multiple modcalls. Also, people would spam filter evasion and reply chatnukes with counter-chatnukes. Then, eventually chemotherapy of the chat. The trolls died out and the Barrens inhabitants began to repopulate chat.

The Villain
Around 2009, Barrens Chat still had trolls, and it always will. Now, we know that Barrens benefits from trolls, but at the time, we didn't know that. It was horrible. No, really, it was. The trolls died down, but that was only to grow and become harder, better, faster, stronger trolls.

Trolls started pouring in by some weird formations. I guess they really cared about the way they looked, and thus, our scouts told us they seemed to line up like this:

 ▲

 ▲▓

 Trolls can't triforce

It just wouldn't end. Barrens has a relatively small defense team at the time (What was KingKyd thinking?!). We couldn't do much, but we did the best we could to push back the force that was the troll army.

Eventually, we came faced with the commander of the trolls himself, Marbles_312. He was too 1337 to be a troll, he was just a n00b. Barrens almost never got n00bs, we figured trolls couldn't get good enough training, and that n00bs were extinct. But no.

Well, he found a way to get around the army, under the cunning disguise that is Marbles_313. (Oh dear, that's so clever, how would anyone have such a gifted mind like that? I could never come up with that!) Well then we (Fox2, Karfolian, and I) decapitated the n00b, and put it out of our minds.

Eventually, The King came up with a realization he really should have gotten before, that he didn't know his neighbors.

Well, and then nothing happened. Peace was restored to Barrens, so I kinda just tried to advance the army of Barrens. Kyd wasn't here most of the time, so we tried to recruit an army for Barrens. We obtained a small army of anti-trolls.

And with that, Barrens stayed the way it was. Barrens stayed the way it was for way too long. We came to the conclusion that Kyd stopped showing up, but well, at that moment he started coming back.

Marbles tried to hang out in Barrens, but everyone refused to talk to him. He'd always only say "hi boometh" because he thought that he could blame his brother for the villianous deeds of Marbles_312. Obviously not. No one would talk to him, he says, probably because everyone has him muted, I say?

Well, one eventful night, I had a vision. Barrens started to speak to me. He told me something, he said something along the lines of "U MAH RIYT HAND LOL". I wasn't sure if I should tell Barrens, so I said "Barrens, I have something to say." Everyone stopped talking about music, and looked at me. I said, "Uhm...thegamelol" Barrens told me to tell them, so then I instantly told them. Then he told me to relay his words to the chat. He then said,

"Boometh is to be my right hand of the chat, my voice to Barrens Chat, the piece of me that goes to the generic Barrens civilian. I believe Boometh would be very good at that, seeing as he is known in the Barrens Chat community."

"I also think there is to be a Wise Sage of Barrens Chat, someone who is all-knowing and very intelligent. I think it should be LazyDevil."

"There should be master that stands out in the army, a "hero" if you will. But if I will, it is to be an eradicator of n00bs. His name is MnMz4L1F3."

"Lastly, there is to be a villian, someone to be against the community of Barrens. Most people dislike this person, and I can see why, desu most people have him muted. He seems to be just the kind of guy who would revolt against Barrens, and he's pretty revolting himself. I think it should be Suiseyseku, er, Suweesosuki, erm, something. I don't know his name better than you do, okay?"

After this strange vision, Barrens Chat actually started speaking to the whole chat. I kinda went AFK at the time but he said something about a demon coming to Barrens. We can only wait for the day to smite him. Or her. Something tells me it's gonna be a her, a lot of the female Barrenners dislike me.

And then, everyone got a Red Bull he left. The chat shut up for awhile. Nothing really happened.

The Sign
Barrens continued on as it has in the past, and it was just a typical day in the land. KingKyd visited Barrens and told everyone off for not saying hello to him. Everyone proceeded to carry on with their conversations, but there was a dark force afoot. Pwnyourface, enemy of KingKyd, arrived in Barrens and insulted Kyd for apparently being young and other sexual things.

As usual, everyone took sides, and proceeded to flame the other side with various idiotic comments about their sexuality. KingKyd, however, stood above the chaos and commented that Pwnyourface was the demon that was coming to Barrens. Boometh and I thought otherwise, as Pwnyourface did not appear to be civilized and sophisicated enough to be able to have the power to destroy Barrens. He did however, cause a bit of a ruckus in Barrens, so we all have to give credit to the troll.

After cleaning up Pwn's mess, I began to wonder what exactly is coming to Barrens after all. Using my notes and overall research on Trolls, I discovered that there is a high possibility of a Troll King coming to Barrens. Naturally, I asked my fellow colleague Boometh, as he has also dealt with trolls before.

We agreed that a Troll King is indeed coming and we thought of how to vanquish this threat. Obviously, we needed stronger Knights, which Boometh is currently working on. I am devising a plan to defend Barrens, as it will likely be a long assault on the chat.

The Betrayal
Barrens had lost it's cool, and broken under the pressure of /G/amestop. More advertisements appeared to warp one's mind about Kreds. The Knights of Barrens were giving up hope on Kongregate. Many people were down about Kongregate's recent decision, but none more than Boometh, and after his colleague's choice of aspiring to become Barrens' best mod, Boometh is broken. LazyDevil wants to change Barrens for the better.

What do you get if you cross Stalcloud and Boometh? Crystal Meth.

What do you get if you cross a group of whores and a helicopter? A BROFLCOPTER! SOISOISOISOISOISOI

What did David Draiman say as his shower got unexpectedly hot? Oh WAHAHAHA

What do you get if you cross an infection, a helicopter, and a woman? A BLUE WAFLCOPTER! ~LazyDevil

The Excrutiatingly Painful Boredom
Why does the whole kingdom of Barrens share one journal? I don't know. It lacks privacy. I mean that's what a journal is for, right? Oh, well, at least it eliminates the problem of wanting to read someone else's diary-alike, since we kinda have to. Remember the golden age? Oh, man, that stuff was frickin' awesome. No noobs, no retards, no 16 year old girls, no emos, no sparkly vampires, no cuddlefests. Sure, the only thing anyone talked about was Platform Racing 1, but man, that was great. So why do I miss it so much!?

I guess the problem is now, there's nothing to look forward to. I doubt a troll king is coming. I doubt anything is coming! It's been months. I powerleveled the Knights (NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAND), and nothing has happened yet. Someone has to feel me, here. I was over-buffed for Barrens' last stand, right? The final battle with the troll army, one fight to change everything for the better or worse.

And then nothing.

Like I said though, Barrens has died. All the Knights are giving up hope on Barrens. Kongregate had began withering, for all that mattered to them now was Kreds, and their strange children's card game. Gamestop has ravaged the mansion of Kongregate (Yes, Kongregate is a mansion, think about some of the room names) and turned everyone into a currency-driven freak. Although, sure, it wouldn't be a mansion without money, Jewgold matters to the staff more than ever! Back in 2007, Kongregate could pay for itself. To make matters worse, Greg doesn't come here any more. He's practically forgotten about us, probably. Where's our Greg? What has happened?! This sucks.

The End
Okay, it's official. Barrens is dead. Nothing of importance is happening. The "Monarchy" of Kyd and Stal has ended. Dude... Think Barrens as The Capital Wasteland, or the Mojave Wasteland. It really has gone to shit. No one important goes on or contributes. It's just... troll-ridden. At the very least, Gamestop has eased off a bit.