The River

The River, owned by Frogmanex, is a room like no other. The people possess more talent than any single river could possibly contain. Craftsmen, singers, poets, and warriors thrive along The River's banks. Even in earlier days, when there was no official leader, Riverians defended their home and even ventured out to make peace, share their skills, and welcome all those who wish to become a member of this skillful tribe to live harmoniously among them.


 * The behaviour guidelines of Kongregate apply just as much, if not more so, here in this article.

Frogmanex
Frogmanex is the current owner and queen of The River. A story of his rise to power will be included later in the article. Also, in his spare time, he has started to develop games like Luke O Cyte. The queen runs a pretty tight ship (if he does say so himself), but anyone with good intentions is more than welcome to join The River. =)

Deeauty
Deeauty is second to none. However, there can only be one queen. So instead, she is the Princess of The River. =) She trains the raptors for the GoTR, and, using that same whip, keeps all of The River trolls in check. Frog couldn't ask for a better partner.

banned843
banned843

FunkayyMunkayy
FunkayyMunkayy Probably the tenth coolest person you will ever meet in the river. i reside in the super monkey tower on bloons tower defence coding my first and worst ever game. when i am out of the tower i am playing the xbox or talking in THE RIVER!

thejoshmolooony
thejoshmolooony is the crazy hedgehog-using, people-lobing (loving), super-sexy, pie-eating kid.

His name is Cameron or Thomas, depending on when you cross his path. "I enjoy computers (they're sexy), and I like to read, write, and draw. for some reason my kong account wont update so :( ill make a list of all the peeps i love Dee, Iamjeebus, pink, haute, AC, banned, TheSnitzchelMan, lordlyhour, vamp, guypersonman, my mum, my dad, your mum, your dad, your sister and frogmanex.

josh also has an undying love for heavy metal music and 1964 chevrolet impalas (THERE THE MOST SEXYST OF THEM ALL) XD lmao @ my awesomeness

"due to my internet being homosexual, it wont let me talk DX"

Nutter666
Nutter666 makes games (such as Webby ), animations and graphics... all very badly. By day a mild mannered game developer. But when the cry for guardians is heard, he transforms into a crazy gunslinger.

Most of his games involve The River (and insult Frogmanex as his own personal brand of treason). Troll Killer being the best example of Frog insults.

Don't Touch the Tangerine is another game based on chats in The River.

Fail Everything ... is a collaborative effort between a few of us on The River, but I did the coding, so it's mine!

Bundles
Bundles is the legendary baker who is known throughout The River for his profound baking skills. His speciality dish is "Kongrekake". This dish is loved by all members of The River, especialy the GoTR, nobody knows the ingredients of the culinary masterpiece (and it's a good job too). Although regularly he may be an absolutly wonderful baker, when the GoTR come calling he turns into the world-renowned shape shifter who has helped win many wars against The River trolls. He is also often acused of being useless and getting shot at by AC (ApprenticeChief). His favorite pasttime is passing time, and his favorite food, well it goes without saying, really (but for those with less than 0.5 brain cells, it's Kongrekake).

K1ng
Holy abadashary! When did i get putted in here? Holy molly that's new.Hey if you are looking here mind telling me when i get to join GOTR? K1ng is my name producing is my game.Psssttt...I know a secret.Want to hear it? You do? No? Why? Oh yeah that's a secret about the hidden rum.If Reddo is reading this he shouldn't try to get it.I beat Reddo is just begging K1ng to tell him about the hidden rum. Does he? He does! =) By the way you can find K1ng in teh river(Which is the coolest most amazing place ever!) Did you know that K1ng can talk about 5 languages? Of course you didn't! No one knows that.There isn't any better place then the river! There is only 1% that trolls won't come! Oh my bad...100% Another thing...Kongregate K1ng is asking you to nominate him to be a MOD

Lanson
I love every single one of you who have read this, and I'd like to thank you for helping me get started on Kong.

If you want me to, I will write an autobiography of my Kong days. Email me at lanson43@yahoo.com

stewpedlyinsane
stewpedlyinsane He would claim he has no idea how he got to what he claims is his "El Rio", and he's right. No one knows how, when, or why he came. Or if he'll ever leave. He tries to keep the peace in Erik's stead,but most of the time fails epicly. So generally instead he just sits around Rawr-ing at people to silence them.

Drummermean
drummermean

Brandon Marlo
UK born and highly offended he wasn't placed here sooner, Brandon Marlo can be seen frequenting the River almost every day. Having speant a lot of the last year living in Sanctuary, The River provided the truth that there are good people in the world, so he is thankful that such a place exists where you can talk about pretty much anything and have a 'larf'. Real name "Irfon Rickard" has been replaced online with a nickname he obtained in the early years of his acting career whereupon he used to mutter a lot. People soon made the link between him and Marlon Brando in, the film, the Godfather, so a spoonerism of Brando's name became popular. Now almost everyone (up to and including his parents) call him Brandon, because lets face it, who can live with a name like 'Irfon'? Modded on 02/05/2009

Knightmare_Z
Sigh. Wow, this is just...wow. So, do you actually believe what is on this page? I mean, some of it is true, but most of it? No. HELL no. For one, I've never even heard of these "raids" and half of these people aren't even regulars here! Though, I suppose that I shouldn't just be correcting everything so...some stuff about me. I'm a regular on The River (like, almost every day) and I'm generally kind to all, except for those who are arrogant and/or annoying. I'm usually logical, annalytical, and inquizitive, which all lead me to question things that don't make sense to me from my point of view, and often frustrates the people whom I bombard with questions (most of the time Frogmanex, though I usually have very intelligent chats with him because of this) because I won't stop until the point becomes clear to me. However, I can be just as goofy as most of the people here, and I often make jokes, usually based on sarcasm or dry humor.

Zak7062

o.o Whoa Im on here? Cool.. uh.. Isnt miles the owner now? And uh.. Twoam left..who is Croassflame? Oh well.. who am I to attempt to judge the all mighty Riverians.. Im a very very very amature game developer, a writer, a doctors assistant, a student, and in my free time I enjoy watching the chaos known as The River. If you see me and Im not talking, Im probably hiding from the room. I have only one personal rule that you WILL follow -_- No. Trolling. Ever.

lordlyhour
hey, im usually on every few days, and, according to some, im strange.... LIES!! if, however you want someone to blame for my existance in the river on that pie-loving cheesecake-living-in lad, thejosmoloooney. otherwise id be happily swimming around in the rp room. now for some random facts

random fact #1: josh was my first friend on kong and the only early friend i can actually remember.

random fact #2 i am actually an ascended troll (however i was not trolling on purpose).

random fact #3 i have a love affair with brackets.

random fact #$ there are only really 3 random facts about me.

Dasmitimsad
Dasmitimsad I am a guy who likes to fish by the river and occasionally I talk but occasionally I just like to play Idle 2 and watch the events go up and every now and then my quests go up. I enjoy guitar, playing games, making games although I'm no where near as good as the mightyful Frogmanex, and I live in Australia. I am also a ninja.

Casada_Radio
I'm just a regular Riverian who hates flamers and spammers. I love ninjas, cakes, muffins, rotten tomatoes and batteries. I'm also a truely mysterious guy(for some people who find it that way) who doesn't show it's sex, location and birthdays. People might say I'm possibly not a human, which means I might actually consume or use things that the Riverians will find it 'awkward'(Cancancoo for example). Also, if ever your radio broke down, have poor receptions, played crappy songs, or teases you dangerously, call me and I'll be there to assist you in your entertainment. (Cancancoo edit: Okay. Firstly, Cas, I don't find it "awkward", I find it "Annoying". Secondly, Uh...Well, yeah. I hope you die.)

Cancancoo
Okay, so like. Hi. I'm kind of scared to do this, I'll probably end up messing up the entire page or something. Uh, so anyway. I'm Cara. I'm a regular of The River, I guess. Um. I'm annoying as hell, sometimes spam, and sometimes i tlk lyk dis 2 gt n evry1s nervz. I'm also insane. And female. And 16.... And a New Zealander. :D I love you, River!

The Rest
Regulars who have yet to provide info:

Twoam (Mod)

darknesseclipse

CryoSabre

TheSnitzchelMan

Icemancm

punq

AznHalfBloodz

ApprenticeChief

diwen

Stev3n

ArmsofGlory

DiscoBeard (Dev)

PinkE

Crossflame

hahaownedlolz

iPwnBunnies

werewolfalter

Lucky_Miles

Zak7062

"Guardians of The River"
Frogmanex - Queen and Mod*

Deeauty - Raptor Tamer and Empress*

banned843 - General of the GotR &lt;--Lol fail.

IAmJeebus - Second in Command and Head Raid Master

Lanson - Head of the Navy and Forward Scout of the GotR Raids (AKA "Itchy Trigger Finger")

ApprenticeChief - Cannoneer

ArmsofGlory - Anti-Air Defenses and Funny Guy

Guypersonman - Lazy Wizard Guy*

Bundles - The Slighty-Too-Enthuastic Baker & Shape Shifter*

nutter666 - Gunslingin' Crazy Guy*

GoTR Raids
Due to the growing population of The River Trolls, as well as the attacks from the foreigners, the residents knew something had to be done to protect their sacred ground. Thus, the Guardians of The River rose to the task.

As told by banned843

At first we started the Guardians to defend our home, The River, from trolls and other foul creatures. We fought many a long and hard battle, and we lost many raptors during the fights (Raptor Jesus have mercy on them). Anyway, all was well until that fateful day.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

It was silent on the horizon of The River. The trolls had been held at bay. The undead horde was defeated and even the US Army fell to our might. As you can guess, we were bored. THEN! IAmJeebus came up with a plan...

We would raid other rooms...

At first, Banned843 said "No way! We are not raiding other rooms... It would be against the code of The River and blasphemy against Frogmanex!" (Note: Frogmanex doubts that these words were said. =D) Then the dark side took over...

We created a battle cry! An attack plan! Lanson was sent out as our forwarding scout, and he found targets.

Perfect...

At first it was just Banned843, Lanson, and ApprenticeChief raiding rooms. Then Lanson's brother, Crossflame, joined in. A few more rooms were raided, and then ArmsofGlory joined us. Another room went down and IAmJeebus joined in. We had the full raid crew, and we were ready! We chose our last target. Attacked the room and yelled our battle cry!

"GUARDIANS OF THE RIVER AAAASEMBLLEEE!!! FOR ERIK!!! FOR THE RIVER!!!!"

We were gone before they even had time to blink. We were like guerillas in the rainforests. Hitting hard, fast, and then pulling back and disappearing.

THEN!

We got back to The River, home, safety, and we thought we were invincible...

''We were wrong... Dead wrong...''

The all powerful and omniscent Frogmanex reached out and silenced us all for the mayhem we had caused...

After that, the raids were put on permanent hold. Never to return again...

Now, the GotR stand at the ready on the banks of The River, waiting for a new challenge to arise...

The River Troll Studies
Most rooms fall victim to troll attacks, sure, but for The River, it's much different. For you see, The River Trolls are of a special breed, and they come in many varieties.

Below will be outlined the studies of The River Trolls.

Lyric Troll
Generally fills the chat with copy/pasted lyrics...

"So beat it, but you wanna be bad!...."

Pantsless Troll
Many sightings of pantsless trolls have been reported. These trolls are quite common and easily distinguishable by their lack of skivvies. Methods of extinguishing pantsless trolls include muting, flaming, and moderating and can be seen inTroll Killer. Experiments are being done to test the effectiveness of raptor attacks on pantsless trolls, but results have yet to be confirmed by Deeauty.

Aim for the crotch!

Xerox Troll
These are the trolls that copy things that have previously been said, as if they were your little brother. Two types of xeroxing behaviours have been witnessed, and are illustrated below. The most effective means of exterminating these trolls is a visit from the banfairy. Or if a banfairy is unavailable, a mass muting will deter them from staying very long

Single X-Troll
User: Hi, how are you?

Troll: Hi, how are you?

User: I'm good.

Troll: I'm good.

User: Are you mocking me?

Troll: Are you mocking me?

X-Troll Group
Troll A: Hi.

Troll B: Troll A: Hi.

Troll C: Troll B: Troll A: Hi.

Troll A: Troll C: Troll B: Troll A: Hi.

Villain Index
To add to the problems in The River, many rivals from foreign lands continue to make efforts to overthrow the Queen. Below is a compilation of information gathered about our most devious enemies.

CaptainRed
CaptainRed AKA "Cappy" -- The captain of the Lunatic Pandora, notorious for the stealing of rum. If you find that you are asking yourself, "Why is the rum gone?"... I'm afraid Cappy is your answer. Treat this one with caution, as he often travels with a posse known to carry word-daggers that spread scurvy.

Notable Quotes
And of course, all of our catch-phrases, slogans, local jargon... and spur-of-the-moment witticisms.

Frogmanex: Back in the land where I control what mother *expletive deleted* expletives are deleted.

Frogmanex: Webby &gt; Luke

banned843: Har har har

thejoshmolooony: and the angels sung out as the silence was lifted

Lanson: Want a piece of my birthday Kongrekake???

thejoshmolooony: So far, puberty is a roller-coaster of disappointment T_T

banned843: This chat is deader than Obama in a month

Frogmanex: You sonofabitch.

Frogmanex: That totally just made me spit my food everywhere. &gt;.&gt;

thejoshmolooony: The contents of my pants are sick and twisted.

iPwnBunnies: That's what she said!

banned843: Well, you sir are misinformed. So if you would, please, remove your head from your rectal cavity and listen to some music you'll realize its all the same.

Lanson: I get off in eight minutes!

iPwnBunnies: BLASPHEMY!

thejoshmolooony i could get any girl i wanted (if i was super sexy, im just normal sexy)

caboosereturns: if dee and day had smex and had a baby, the kids name would be DeeDay

Lucky_Miles: i love going after the engaged women"

SweetHeart22595: Lol Miles. (How about tonight? Kid will be with babysitter. :D"

Pink Points
By nutter666

Pink Points is a quiz created and run by PinkE when he is online...and can be bothered. Questions are generally General Knowledge or Movie Related.

A current list of peoples points can be seen on PinkE's profile. It is temporarily unavailable, due to my bad organization skills. It will soon get it's own page, with a full list of people's points, question value system, and the different categories. PinkE.

FAQ
Q - Can I Play?

A - Sure, just join us in The River when we're playing and answer some questions.

Q - How does it work?

''A - PinkE shouts out a question and the first to give the correct answer earns points. (He seems to decide how many off the top of his head)''

Q - What are Pink Points for?

''A - Good question. Ask PinkE because most of us aren't sure.''

Rants, Raves, and Recollections
This. This is where you post anything unofficial. Got a story to tell? Something to complain about? Put it here. Do remember that Kongregate's behaviour guidelines are in full-effect.

Tar & Feather
By thejoshmolooony

Well banned843 and I wanted to have fun (no not that way), SO we heated up the tar and plucked the chickens. We tarred and feathered ApprenticeChief (AC) :P and loaded him into a cannon under his own watchful eye(as he is the cannoneer), and we "made the chicken fly".

Later that night, I found a hole full of hedgehogs, and the result was a number of hedgehogs occupying AC's rear. :D Ever since, ApprenticeChief has had a deep hatred of the hedgehog, and a stinging pain in his backside. (rate the river page 5 stars XD)