Barrens Chat

Barrens Chat is the Best chat in Kongregate history.
Welcome to Barrens Chat! We hope you have a nice stay and enjoy your cancer. Immature conversations on mature topics and epic trolling abound. Children and failtrolls need not apply.

Barrens Chat is from World of Warcraft because Greg loves it. We are home to a variety of people; Lots of trolls, lurkers, a few nice ones, and some we all love to hate.

Staff Credits
greg: Greg owns the room but rarely speaks unless it's about WoW or meth.

CommanderSaNtA: The Commander of Barrens and the local Santa. Our most favorite mod.

PinGSteR/Martin5: Mod/Troll

Amour: A French locust some people like but a lot more dislike. Currently room hopping, currently trying to tame Achievements Addicts Anonymous, but failing.

Cast of Characters
Stalcloud: The Queen of Barrens. MILF who fluctuates between saccharine sweet and spectacularly shitty.

Suiseiseki: The best troll in all of Barrens, his original was perma'd, but he lives on through numorous alts.

Outbreak911: A user of Barrens who plays bass and keeps leaving and coming back.

CrustyCrabz: Not a SpongeBob referrence, but hides from Plankton.

Yokopoo/Kehbzy: .ll. *Siamese penis*

Retardedmoose: Has hair made of bacon.

Frenzy16: F16 for bod.

PinkeePie/Grunkoh

Mathyou12388: A user of Barrens, though long has he been here, his epicness has only now found a place among the names. His name IRL is also NOT Matthew.

XxJuDaSxX: A user who appeared in Barrens in 2008. A general of some regiment.

MindHacker: A user of Barrens Chat since the golden age. Though portrayed in many different ways, he's also defended Barrens from 4chan.

iamtheholyone:

Boometh: "I like my pancakes as I like my women: Flat". The prince of Barrens from the golden age. He recorded most of the Barrens history. Is also Asian, which no one saw coming. No longer has to dodge COPPA.

Sheensghost: A colleague of Boometh's. They both majored in trollolology, and researched information on various trolls of Barrens for millitary purposes. A general of the antitroll regiment.

LazyDevil: A colleague of Boometh's who became commander of some group of antitroll soldiers. Is also British.

HGunner: A user of Barrens who started the Barrens Chat Special Armed Forces. Now has a life.

live4love: A noble of Barrens since the very start, or something kinda close to that.

ROBOTHACK3R:

Chuck_N: Likes him some scene chicks..

WildWolfofDark: Does ascii art in chat. Super perverted. Says The Game constantly.

GallowsHumour: Might be Asian, like Boometh. Likes lolicon, no, seriously, she said it herself.

brittjo87

FirstBlood610

Jimbo14: Is not sure whether he's the cancer killing Barrens, or a regular, good ol' user.

Bassium: Hunts badges once again.

chewmungadunga: Barrens surprise tackle-rapist :D

XCrackinupX: LazyDevil's awesome girlfriend. This girl will put you in your place in a heartbeat.

Gwenhwyfar: Know more about metal than any of you, so don't bother arguing with her.

ilytrisha: Loses The Game constantly.

jarjojo408

THgirl

Fox2

Tycholarfero: Very cool guy who trolls through Barrens from time to time.

Jezuz: I think Jezuz is a pretty cool guy.

versda: Strawberry blonde is just a myth.

vucadby: EPIC lurker.

Dragonlarfer:

Jujitsu788: Will kick your ass

Non-reg Regs
KingKyd: A character of Barrens who just suddenly became king in the golden age, because no one else felt like really ruling the land. Now, he has a life, so he doesn't really show up anymore.

QueenofLands: A character of Barrens who just suddenly became queen in the golden age. First Queen of Barrens, but was really kind of a troller.

wahoowarrior: A person who came to visit the royal family of Barrens here and there. Was previously a noble in the golden age.

Dragonlarfer: A half dragon-half human user of Barrens Chat. Aven13: Fatality'd IRL.

KristieMJM: Sweet Canadian girl who is always friendly to everyone.

evilpixie: RIP

Barrywise: Stays busy with his highschools swimming and baseball teams. No stalkers please..

Joboman

Crump12: Went into the Army.

supyo11

maladon

DTKSilhouette

CodehIsBeast

Pallyman: Does not mean "balls" in Italian

ktrout42

Karfolian: Probably has things to do IRL.

The_Game_Screen

Ryanglavin

CJCommando: An old 2007er.

Franzen: A brilliant man with quick wit and an even temper.

11_toes: Really has 11 toes...one of the good guys...most of the time.

MnMz4L1F3: Doesn't give a shit.

cheesemanoflife: Loves cheese.

Azated

dabestman

draupnir: I like my bacon as I like my women, 16 years old and British.

RaptorJawsus: Legendary troll of epic proportion but doesn't chat often.

Sparky_Baker: His clever repartee and witty retorts will leave you un-known to the fact you just got pwned.

xFreakx: Bodybuilder and part time troll..

Ayrus: Ayrus is Ayrus and nothing more.

Yoshifuzz

bobbert4ever

TheReign: Neighborhood troll, possesses 'Thug Aim', stirs shit up at the best/worst time possible.

Exodus
On the First day, Greg said "Let there be Kongregate. And avast, there was Kong.

On the Second day, Greg said "Let there be games, that users might play to gain points and fame." And there were games.

On the Third day, Greg said "Let there be chatrooms, so users might converse and Kongregate together." And there were chatrooms.

On the Fourth day, Greg said, "Let there be forums, so users might post their art or thoughts to the community at large" And there was forums.

On the Fifth day, Greg said, "Let there be Moderators, to keep the sinners in line" And there was moderators.

On the Sixth day, Greg said, "Let there be Barrens Chat, the greatest of all realms, and here i will create my* people" And there was chat.

On the Seventh day, Greg slept in. But since the idea was incomplete, decided to invent jewgold kreds, a way of bleeding Kongregans of all they had, and in return, giving them a children's card game that isn't about Egypt.

The Beginning
It all started one day on....uhh, I forgot. But uhm, after Greg invented Barrens Chat, people came to it. A few people stayed by, but others saw of it as nothing special. Maybe because all that anyone talked about was the mine glitch.

Some people became Barrens regulars. Mostly: KingKyd, Aven13, Nicklol, and Locomikey666. I observed most of the Barrensgoing. Actually really, I kinda just played "Nuclear Eagle" or something. Later in September, I made an account. I hung there. Somehow I became prince or something. Speaking of which, Some other person who stayed a guest in Barrens forever made an account. Her name was "Queenoflands".

Anyway, that aside, Queeroflands eventually left Barrens. Something like that. After that, Aven13 decided he'd suicide. He will always be missed. Somehow that made Barrens get more people. I don't think it's because he died, though. But well, more people coming, that included trolls.

At the time, Barrens never knew that people actually ran on trolls. So we got pretty annoyed by them. With trolls, there were stronger trolls. The pwners.

The pwners were like, without a better way to put it, the enemy kingdom of Barrens Chat. It was ran by KingKyd's mortal nemesis, MindHacker. MindHacker never actually did smash into people's heads using an axe, but well, he kinda just..yeah. Now in 2010, he barely shows up here, but he's not a troll, so it's all good.

MindHacker kinda teared down the Kingdom though. Eventually, he managed to make the kingdom retarded. So retarded, they kicked KingKyd off the throne he was never on. Well really, KingKyd was self proclaimed. I mean, no one else wanted to rule The Land of The Mine Glitch. The community of Barrens, being stupid now, recruited dinner, an egg, for a leader. I guess the Barrens throne is what all true warriors strive for.

Eventually, we fried the egg. Kyd got back on the throne. I decided to find a better use for my time, and went around Kongregate in search for a tutor for the art of Spaghetti Sorcery, that of which I've benefited from.

~Boometh

The Dying
I had just arrived as the golden age died. (See above chapter) What I remember? Barrens was a desolate place, only those faithful in the god Greg and goddess Alison stayed as the Barrens withered and died. The room was continuously bombarded with chatnukes to the point of multiple modcalls. Also, people would spam filter evasion and reply chatnukes with counter-chatnukes. Then, eventually chemotherapy of the chat. The trolls died out and the Barrens inhabitants began to repopulate chat.

~Jujitsu

The Villain
Around 2009, Barrens Chat still had trolls, and it always will. Now, we know that Barrens benefits from trolls, but at the time, we didn't know that. It was horrible. No, really, it was. The trolls died down, but that was only to grow and become harder, better, faster, stronger trolls.

Trolls started pouring in by some weird formations. I guess they really cared about the way they looked, and thus, our scouts told us they seemed to line up like this:

 ▲

 ▲▓

 Trolls can't triforce

It just wouldn't end. Barrens has a relatively small defense team at the time. We couldn't do much, but we did the best we could to push back the force that was the troll army.

Eventually, we came faced with the commander of the trolls himself, Marbles_312. He was too 1337 to be a troll, he was just a n00b. Barrens almost never got n00bs, we figured trolls couldn't get good enough training, and that n00bs were extinct. But no.

Well, he found a way to get around the army, under the cunning disguise that is Marbles_313. (Oh dear, that's so clever, how would anyone have such a gifted mind like that? I could never come up with that!) Well then we (Fox2, Karfolian, and I) decapitated the n00b, and put it out of our minds.

Eventually, The King came up with a realization he really should have gotten before, that he didn't know his neighbors.

Well, and then nothing happened. Peace was restored to Barrens, so I kinda just tried to advance the army of Barrens. Kyd wasn't here most of the time, so we tried to recruit an army for Barrens. We knighted a few users to become anti-trolls.

And with that, Barrens stayed the way it was. Barrens stayed the way it was for way too long. We came to the conclusion that Kyd stopped showing up, but well, at that moment he started coming back.

Marbles tried to hang out in Barrens, but everyone refused to talk to him. He'd always only say "hi boometh" because he thought that he could blame his brother for the villainous deeds of Marbles_312. Obviously not. No one would talk to him, he says, probably because everyone has him muted, I say?

Well, one eventful night, I had a vision. Barrens started to speak to me. He told me something, he said something along the lines of "U MAH RIYT HAND LOL". I wasn't sure if I should tell Barrens, so I said "Barrens, I have something to say." Everyone stopped talking about music, and looked at me. I said, "Uhm...thegamelol" Barrens told me to tell them, so then I instantly told them. Then he told me to relay his words to the chat. He then said,

"Boometh is to be my right hand of the chat, my voice to Barrens Chat, the piece of me that goes to the generic Barrens civilian. I believe Boometh would be very good at that, seeing as he is known in the Barrens Chat community."

"I also think there is to be a Wise Sage of Barrens Chat, someone who is all-knowing and very intelligent. I think it should be LazyDevil."

"There should be master that stands out in the army, a "hero" if you will. But if I will, it is to be an eradicator of nOObs. His name is MnMz4L1F3."

"Lastly, there is to be a villian, someone to be against the community of Barrens. Most people dislike this person, and I can see why, desu most people have him muted. He seems to be just the kind of guy who would revolt against Barrens, and he's pretty revolting himself. I think it should be Suiseyseku, er, Suweesosuki, erm, something. I don't know his name better than you do, okay?"

After this strange vision, Barrens Chat actually started speaking to the whole chat. I kinda went AFK at the time but he said something about a demon coming to Barrens. We can only wait for the day to smite him. Or her. Something tells me it's gonna be a her, a lot of the female Barrenners dislike me.

And then, everyone got a Red Bull he left. The chat shut up for awhile. Nothing really happened.

~Boometh

The Sign
Barrens continued on as it has in the past, and it was just a typical day in the land. KingKyd visited Barrens and told everyone off for not saying hello to him. Everyone proceeded to carry on with their conversations, but there was a dark force afoot. Pwnyourface, enemy of KingKyd, arrived in Barrens and insulted Kyd for apparently being young and other sexual things.

As usual, everyone took sides, and proceeded to flame the other side with various idiotic comments about their sexuality. KingKyd, however, stood above the chaos and commented that Pwnyourface was the demon that was coming to Barrens. Boometh and I thought otherwise, as Pwnyourface did not appear to be civilized and sophisicated enough to be able to have the power to destroy Barrens. He did however, cause a bit of a ruckus in Barrens, so we all have to give credit to the troll.

After cleaning up Pwn's mess, I began to wonder what exactly is coming to Barrens after all. Using my notes and overall research on Trolls, I discovered that there is a high possibility of a Troll King coming to Barrens. Naturally, I asked my fellow colleague Boometh, as he has also dealt with trolls before.

We agreed that a Troll King is indeed coming and we thought of how to vanquish this threat. Obviously, we needed stronger Knights, which Boometh is currently working on. I am devising a plan to defend Barrens, as it will likely be a long assault on the chat.

~Sheensghost

The Betrayal
Barrens had lost it's cool, and broken under the pressure of /G/amestop. More advertisements appeared to warp one's mind about Kreds. The Knights of Barrens were giving up hope on Kongregate. Many people were down about Kongregate's recent decision, but none more than Boometh, and after his colleague's choice of aspiring to become Barrens' best mod, Boometh is broken. LazyDevil wants to change Barrens for the better.

What do you get if you cross Stalcloud and Boometh? Crystal Meth.

What do you get if you cross a group of whores and a helicopter? A BROFLCOPTER! SOISOISOISOISOISOI

What did David Draiman say as his shower got unexpectedly hot? Oh WAHAHAHA

What do you get if you cross an infection, a helicopter, and a woman? A BLUE WAFLCOPTER!

~LazyDevil

The Excrutiatingly Painful Boredom
Why does the whole kingdom of Barrens share one journal? I don't know. It lacks privacy. I mean that's what a journal is for, right? Oh, well, at least it eliminates the problem of wanting to read someone else's diary-alike, since we kinda have to. Remember the golden age? Oh, man, that stuff was frickin' awesome. No noobs, no retards, no 16 year old girls, no emos, no sparkly vampires, no cuddlefests. Sure, the only thing anyone talked about was Platform Racing 1, but man, that was great. So why do I miss it so much!?

I guess the problem is now, there's nothing to look forward to. I doubt a troll king is coming. I doubt anything is coming! It's been months. I powerleveled the Knights (NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAND), and nothing has happened yet. Someone has to feel me, here. I was over-buffed for Barrens' last stand, right? The final battle with the troll army, one fight to change everything for the better or worse.

And then nothing.

Like I said though, Barrens has died. All the Knights are giving up hope on Barrens. Kongregate had began withering, for all that mattered to them now was Kreds, and their strange children's card game. Gamestop has ravaged the mansion of Kongregate (Yes, Kongregate is a mansion, think about some of the room names) and turned everyone into a currency-driven freak. Although, sure, it wouldn't be a mansion without money, Jewgold matters to the staff more than ever! Back in 2007, Kongregate could pay for itself. To make matters worse, Greg doesn't come here any more. He's practically forgotten about us, probably. Where's our Greg? What has happened?! This sucks.

~Boometh

The End
Okay, it's official. Barrens is dead. Nothing of importance is happening. The "Monarchy" of Kyd and Stal has ended. Dude... Think Barrens as The Capital Wasteland, or the Mojave Wasteland. It really has gone to shit. No one important goes on or contributes. It's just... troll-ridden. At the very least, Gamestop has eased off a bit.

~LazyDevil

Tl;dr
Here's a summary of the stuff that happened in the time of 2007-2011.

The stage is set in Barrens 2007. Boometh, Mindhacker, Aven13, Ketchupyoshi, Nicklol, Greg, KingKyd, and Locomikey666 are the founding fathers of Barrens. Well, from what I know. There were probably people before who I never really got to meet.

2007 was the best. Everything about it was so perfect. Everyone just played Platform Racing 1. (back when the last level was Infernal Hop) No one talked about anything else, but no one complained. Blah blah blah, inafter mine glitch.

Eventually, 2007 comes closer to an end and Barrens started to lose the flow of mana die. Everything starts to suck more. Aven13 gets Fatality'd IRL. Noobs come in. I stay for awhile. Sometime in 2008, I ditch.

Summer 2009 comes and I come back. We seem to have mostly old regs and a few new ones. It might not be the Barrens I had remembered, but it was close-ish. People always talked about the same game. (Starfighter: Disputed Galaxy. Back when it had MULTIPLAYER, HUH?) No one didn't. No one complained.

One day, I was gonna clean my room but then I got high I had a vision. Barrens talked to me. It said something about losing the game and about sages and villains. I was apparently of even greater significane now. (I'm fresh prince of Barrens) Anyway, I relayed what was told to me. When it stopped, we all decided to have a drink.

Some more time comes by, and KingKyd comes to visit. Yes, visit. He decides to rule a land he doesn't live in. He comes here and gets trolled by some guy. Everyone takes a side and flames the other. My colleague Sheensghost took some notes on what happened after the disturbance stopped. We figured there would be bigger fish to fry trolls to terminate later.

2010 came. Kongregate is sold to Gamestop. Barrens begins to lose the flow of mana die again. Not very much happens. LazyDevil, a Barrens reg and knight, wants to become a locust. (term for mod in Barrens chat)

Sheen, Lazy, The Barrens royal family, Outbreak, Bassium, and all the knights prepared for the long assault on the chat. (By prepare, I mean they went to the nearest town, stored their inventory, and asked for buffs) After having done that, Stacks of potions on hand, buffs in mind, we stood here at Barrens ready to defend the chat with our own accounts. And then nothing really happened.

By late 2010, the knights decided that no one is really an "antitroll" anyway. Barrens relies on trolls to keep it alive. None of the regs come here anymore. We've died. It's like we've been obsoleted, except by nothing. Everyone ragequit or went to college. It's 2011 at the time I'm typing this up. I've given up on this chat. Sorry guys. It was fun those four years.

The game.

~Boometh

Return of a Lost Member
As it occurs, in sight of the lack of the interwebz connection to his 360S, Outbreak911 (That Dang Gamer, John the Bassist) returned to Barrens. The voices of old had fallen silent, The Reign was over, the Regs disbanded. Only a few remained. Chuck_N, and MindHacker, that guy no one likes apparently. But, then out of the dark came forth, Stalcloud, and the future didn't seem so dark for the fate of Barrens, in this time between times. Oh yeah, Screw you Connor...

~Outbreak911

Fuck you John <3 ~ LazyDevil

I'm also back too, bitches. ~ Sheensghost

And some other thing
I'm gonna try to revive the clan in KoL. For anyone who plays Kingdom of Loathing, the clan is called FromKongregate. We could use the support, and maye we'll become a large clan eventually. Drop a request if you need a clan.