The Time Machine

To quote some person I never knew, "It's pretty much the best chat ever." Alas, it appears he/she/it/other doesn't know the half of it.

Due to happenstance happenings The Time Machine is now OPEN!!!
And, only if one was to include the single piece of tumbleweed, there was much rejoicing ^_^ ﻿

The re opening is possible due to the leadership of the league of super cotton candy squirrels!

Brief insight to the barely known historical events of questionable importance
Once, a lowly fellow stumbled into the world. He brought a blue police box and a little, glowing, whirry stick. After some obscure dueling involving fourteen cyborgs, some French toast, a glass of white wine vinegar and a twenty-eight foot mushroom, the afore-mentioned fellow upgraded his blue box for a slightly better red one. Thus, The Time Machine was born! (Due to some crazy time-related paradox, this hasn't happened yet. Apologies for any incorrect information, this is all based on heresay and what the rumour-mill spouts out. Any reference to actual persons or events are either coincidental or accidental)

Judging by graffiti in various taverns across the world, some years after this mysterious past (or years before [or, quite frankly, simultaneously with]) the Time Machine finally ran low on gas. It was parked outside a station and remains there to this day, awaiting its precious "Premium" to become affordable. Many carjackers have forced their way in and out over the years (leaving after the slow realization that a red wooden box that doesn't look like a car, but in fact looks like a red wooden box, isn't a shiny blue sports-car after all) and with them went the original owner.

Then a brief gap in time.
Today, (this day, not the present, which isn't now but in the future, because the past is the present and thus the future, making them synonyms and yesterday tomorrow and thus allowing us to have refueled several times over already) the box has been putting along through space, picking up hitchhikers with shiny thumbs and sketchy travel guides, and using wavelength manipulation to make people believe the aforementioned is all true.

Despite all preceding paragraph transition words such as "today", even more recently (though possibly not yet but more likely old news) the Time Machine was (is being or will soon be) stolen by a masked hooligan that knew how to drive boxess that defy reality without melting their own brain. This unknown person is still (perhaps was or will) at the helm with nine mosaics on the wall signifying the number ten in about two thousand and nine codes put together. With the aid of this mystical number brainwashing the local fairies and mushrooms into servitude, the Time Machine went on to star in a key role of "Pirates of the Caribbean" under the disguise of a plank of wood within a ship's hull. For convenience, however, the Time Machine's passengers may instantaneously find, lose, depart, or arrive simply by quoting the ultimate question to life the universe and everything in Latin converted to binary.

Rules


It is often said that he with little knowledge of rules willn't get far in places with them. However, it's not as if this is the whole truth. The willn't can be replaced by willnae, will nay, will not, won't... etc. He could be a she, an alien, a cyborg or other being of undefinable gender, this line still holds for them. Either way:


 * While spelling, grammar, punctuation, context, etc. are helpful, they aren't necessary. That being said, at least try to show some effort in this respect, else we won't understand you... and we'll make that clear as day. Or there'll be our hired pedants correcting all your mistakes. So, after a long think, forgetting that I is a capital i is the only leeway you'll have ^_^


 * As awesome as "all-caps" might be, turn Caps Lock off. Anything fully capitalised will be ignored. Basically, Caps Lock is not cruise control for cool.


 * When you win a badge or card, do not copy the text alert saying you've won into the chat. We know that you are tremendously proud that you won 5 points for pressing the start button, but it's still spam.


 * No links to sites such as MyBrute or MyMiniCity that tell you to actively spam such links.


 * Plus, no flaming. No one likes having people argue with countless swearwords popping up each second when trying to play a game.


 * Lastly, if you're bored, play a game. That's what the site is about. Gaming, talking, fun.

Troll Population
Trolls, as in most places, pop up from time to time in the Time Machine. How they get past the doors reinforced to resist black holes is a mystery but they get here nonetheless. The local troll population has reached a low point these last couple centuries and its members come into contact with civilization infrequently. An average troll will usually play out in one of three ways, the first of which is a rapid-fire muting causing them to leave with their capability to spot potential victims greatly maimed. The second possibility is them getting overwhelmed by how well trained the residents of the Time Machine are in the skill of publicly humiliating trolls. While the previously described method is considered less favorable than the others, it frequently achieves its goal of ushering trolls out of inhabited areas. The final situation is the involvement of professional troll exterminators, burning away any persistent nuisance.

Such control measures over these beasts leaves it no mystery that the troll population is far lower than that of many other rooms.

The Regulars
In a place where physics is a mere rumour, where you can fit thousands of people in a few cubic feet's worth of space, there are people. Some of these people pop in and out often, some stay for in excess of three minutes. The latter part enjoy the joys of a joyful reference. How joyous they must be now!

If you feel as if you should be on this list of lists, then consult an existing regular and they will hold a meeting of shadow puppets to deliberate your membership.

Totodile3
[Member since October 12, 2008]

By far, one of the most awesome gals ever to have entered the vague walls of this box, until she suddenly disappeared. Known to like Pokémon and being awesome, she can be summed up in four words: A We So and Me, in that order. She, like fert, was once a lowly creature who suffered a series of (mis)fortunate events. Not so extreme to have a series of books written about, but pretty darn close! She was a young crocodile in the deep dark recesses of Pennsylvania but made the mistake of winning a Round-the-World trip from an un-aired episode of Catchphrase, which lead her to be abandonned on Japan. Whilst here, she (it has been told in half-whispers, nothing more) tinkered with thermite, serious poisons and radioactive atoms. Due to these strange interests, and a strangely large amount of money, she was awarded a Colpey Medal in 2003 for her discoveries on the immune systems of rats, cats, dogs and trucks. But, much to her dismay, this was revoked after some rumours involving some of her subjects. Stolen by John Gurdon. After 14.153 suicide attempts (where only 4.69 were successful), Toto became mutated and thenceforth was saved by some weird guy from the Nintendo conspiracy. From hereon out she has been a huge part of Pokémon, and due to some strange paradoxical time-slump this latest meeting happened 4 years before she even visited Japan. After news of this anomaly was leaked to the media, Totodile was left by Ash with Professor Oak so Ash could cheat on her with other monstrous beings and from there ran to this paradox machine. Of course, that's only what she tells us, so this might all be a convoluted lie (Fert's got all the information he needs, he's just stuck trying to add 2 and 2 together. He keeps saying he gets three, but I think he is missing something obvious)

Person: so i heer u like mudkipz?

Toto: NO I LIEK TOTODILEZ!!!!!

slipknotsystem2
[Member since December 10, 2008]

As many a noobling'll tell you "Stop calling me a noobling!". If you listen to them long enough, they'll also mention this guy. Everyone looks up to him, in that way they must. He's really really tall. Size aside, he's a big part of this corner of t'internet (think of the internet as some very spiky ball, we're in one of those spikes). And, if it helps, he's your man if you want an overly complicated ASCII face made (maybe as complicated as :) or =D, who knows how far he'll go O.o')NOBODY KNOWS >:{D


 * ...except about eight people. --Sirferret2 14:50, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

moorsy
[Member since December 22, 2008]

A burning sensation welled up in Harold's throat. The strong drinks always had that problem, but he was comforted by the knowledge that the next few he threw back wouldn't sting so much. It was his birthday gift to himself; he needed to be inebriated before he stepped stumbled out of his basement, into the wide world, and to strike the biggest deal of his lifetime.

Once he'd drained the bottles of their respective elixirs, Harold fell up the stairs. "I'm missing a shoe", he observed, unaware that he was wearing a single wellington boot and a 9" stiletto. He ambled through the kitchen, sending pots, pans, plates, knives, fridge magnets, empty milk cartons, chairs, toasters, microwaves, kettles and a refrigerator on their quick descents, before realising that it's easier to leave a room through a door than wandering around it. Finally! After nigh on 2 hours, Harold made it to the local cornershop next door and stood behind the counter. "It's my first day, I can't let anything go wrong... maybe I'll even sell something!", he hoped.

As if in answer to his prayers, an angelic chorus chimed and a bright light filled the room. The passing ambulance sped out of view; at which point Harold noticed a figure looming over him as he laid amongst a pile of glockenspiels - he had momentarily passed out again. The silhouette asked, in a strikingly deep voice, "I'd like a 4B pencil, a can of Dr. Pepper and a reasonably good recipe book for explosives, if I may".

"M-m-m-most certainly, sir", replied Harold, amazed at his luck, "That'll be £5.67, please", and promptly handed the fellow a £50 note, the requisitory items and a shoelace. And that's why moorsy prefers shopping online: he already has enough shoelaces.

moorsy's a stoic, sarcastic, pedantic cynic, among other things. He'll burn holes in your pockets for money, or holes in your unused condoms for giggles. He'll make you tea if you're thirsty, happy if you're sad, clothes if you're na... ok, he'll laugh at you for that one, but he tried... Talk to him if you'd like to know anything else (his usual sleeping habits, planned Valentine's Day activities, views on long pieces of string, definition of caltroptophilia, skeletons in his closet or any other plausible question), but only if you aren't one of those people who cherish their sanity...

moorsy'd also like to tell you that this is the best game on Kongregate [http://api.ning.com/files/i*tyNPbV0B6DJzWw6DsCrdzaMQJ*84CkVZ-Dpd4-diHKNUXT8Hp-qB7f*97jkHCVsRR9h0c*6v6NiloWr8TwGZj6MxRpUKIu/lostthegame.jpg Here it is! You'll love it!] You may have to wait for the Wikia guards to let you out, or the page to load.

Tibbles
[Member since November 26, 2008]

Fert and Toto aren't the only animals that frequent this hell-hole (that's a hole in hell where the weird benign people hide, we got lost... ok?). Tibbles is a runaway cat who sook refuge in the only place he could physically hide: outside of physics. He has been known to steal fert's milk and eats small fish which are caught by our avid fishermen. Just make sure never to feed him after midnight, unless it's 8am (GMT)

bloonsoverlord
[Member since July 7, 2010]

bloonsoverlord was never a normal child, not from the day he was discovered in a cupboard in the Time Machine that no-one had noticed. It was soon discovered that he could survive any hit dealt to him (yes, even if the hit was made by an atom bomb) and he put his talents to good use. Well, he would have, except he couldn't be bothered - he decided that it was too cold outside and stayed to chat with Tibbles and epic. It was during these coversations that he discovered his other amazing powers: the power to talk in capitals a lot, spam, rickroll, and annoy. He was soon taught a lesson by being chucked off a cliff.

A lot of the time bloons can be found sweet talking msdarkstars (who he is Kong-married to), chasing after badges, or making terrible jokes that he realises aren't that funny. When nobody laughs, he marks those people on a list. Legend has it that he has the power to kill everybody in the Universe - perhaps he is going to get his revenge? Only time will tell. Although that's a bit silly, as he lives in a time machine.

msdarkstars
[Member since March 30, 2010]

msdarkstars is a wonderful person in general, a lot of people in the Time Machine have taken a shine to her (namely bloonsoverlord and LedHedBaz). She is the owner of an enormous candy factory on Jupiter - maybe that's why she's so sweet! Sometimes, though, she eats the candy, goes a bit mental, and wakes up in the morning with no recollection of the night before.

On the 13th of November 2010, msdarkstars and bloonsoverlord got kong-married (aww what, I missed it?! - Lamp). It all started out with bloons and LedHedBaz arguing over her for a while, when suddenly Baz decided he would go away and psyche himself up for more arguing. When he came back, bloonsoverlord had proposed to, and married, msdarkstars. Then he bought her everything and made it LAW that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. That law is still in place today - and it is unbreakable.

xanatos32: please note that all of the above was done by mitch AKA bloonsoverlord

but she has caused a few chat wars from people fighting over her so ....um.....yeah....

msdarkstars:hmmm are u aloud to write stuff on your own uhm watever you call it lol (section).......just to say I lovw this sooo much and bloons is so awesome:) hes the best and its worth your time to meet him:) i love him so much''' well then byee p.s. insider bold!!!!!!!!!!!.... bold and underlined '''

faddyabc
[Member since October 7, 2008]

Faddyabc is a guy. If you are dumb enough to NOT read his bio, than he suggest's you get off the internet and find a rope strong enough to hang your rotund girth.

A few things though; Grammar is nice, Yellow is cool, Redundancy is ironic-considering it's usually coming from a small child. Although it must be admitted that whoever thinks that clearly doesn't understand irony.

I, Faddy, do say this though: I like to provide thought; ideas that make you think. Because when I do, you're usually to slow to catch on. Assuming that my supposed ideas aren't really just covert insults.

Also, here is my facebook. Yes, I'll say who I am on Kong. I could care less about fat nerds who make fun of me when they probably could stand to lose some pounds and get a life.

AgentLampshade
[Member since November 26, 2008]

A mysterious entity with a mysterious purpose. Hailing from 2026, AgentLampshade is the last Agent Of Time, the rest being utterly destroyed by Pingu58 and his penguin army. To this day, AgentLampshade harbours a secret fear and loathing of penguins. Sporting a nice black suit and a pair of shades which serves as his eyes, he recently accepted a mission to spread the message "000100101101010110" (and before you ask, no, it's not binary...but far worse and I'd explode if i told you). Another important mission is the protection of what he calls "The precious Lamp of The Time Machine" (We're not sure if the Lamp actually exists, it could just be a figment of his imagination) and he now considers this a top priority (again, no-one knows what the Lamp is). A founding member of A Really Secret Enterprise (A.R.S.E), an organisation so secretive that their secret must remain TOP SECRET, and thus, they do not exist...Shhhh. Usually maintains a less-than- serious attitude when chatting, but be prepared, insult him and he'll out-logic you and leave you humiliated (i.e. He feeds trolls until they overload, get confused, and shut up. Similar tactics may be viewed in many other members of chat, e.g. sirferret2) - You have been warned. He believes he is a reincarnation of the Greek God Zeus. His nemesis is Pingu58 (He eats people...I swear it). If you need any useless information, this is the guy to come to - He's The Time Machine's official encyclopedia of useless information. (Seriously! What the hell is the Lamp!?)

He has recently (or soon will, or has for a while now, I forget) made a formspring account in which he asks you to ask him how to ask a question, then proceed to ask the question, in which he will answer.

Pingu58
[Member since November 26, 2008]

The Time Machines 5th animal based freak of nature (I'll leave it to you to decide who the other is). Born in the fires of Antarctica (Don't ask, we don't know either), he was part of the penguin revolution in the year 2246 but was captured by the government and genetically altered as part of a science experiment. He brought down the organisation by 2253 but was caught in the time rip he caused to destroy the organisation and something something, I wasn't really listening...The nemesis of AgentLampshade, due to the fact that Lampshade is the last Agent of Time, who have been after Pingu for some time. He turns up at the most unusual times (Usually between X o'clock and Half past Y)and promptly disappears again as if he was never there, vanishing like some sort of Black-and-White Ninja. and seems to believe he is Kongregate's official Pleb Translator. (sidenote: He also feeds trolls, feeds them well...And is proudly Scottish). He has recently got into the habit of typing in his accent, thus making many inhabitants unable to understand what the hell he is talking about.

SunsetDown
[Member since November 19, 2008]

Forged in the fires of chaos, a malevolent and powerful being emerged. That was not him. SunsetDown enjoys chatting to everyone in the room, even if they are ignoring him. He also enjoys long walks on beaches and eating pudding. If you poke and prod him enough, he may give in enough to show you the true ultimate secret of life that solves any and all problems: Fire. Never question his methods. Or do. He doesn't care. He also has a profound relationship with his guitar, aptly named Alice, which he plays constantly annoying the neighbors and having the cops called every third Friday of May. Oh yes, and recently he has acquired a unsanitary taste for Emoskater312's flesh.

elofish
[Member since April 13, 2009]

A fish with a dark obsession for grapes and lepers. Lately she was released from rehab for the leper issue but it was deemed the grape obsession is incurable. She can gallop about on her trusty steed kangaroo just as well as swim, so escape is a difficult prospect if you somehow find yourself on her bad side. You gotta really deserve it though if you find yourself there, so I may as not warn you of any more of her secret tactical methods. She has the night time janitorial shift on kongregate due to the fact that this was written from the perspective of some American showing little consideration for Australians. Her proficiency with a mop is so much beyond legendary that none of you have ever heard of it and this sentence doesn't exist. What were you just reading? I don't know... Why are you here? What? Oh! Elofish... Well, elo is a fish with great prociciency in the art of graping. She's a trained professional grapist, sneaking into little kids rooms in the middle of the night and graping them in the mouth. And that's just the beginning of what she's capable of. For more information, please schedule a meeting with her secretary. White chocolate cookies and a basket of grapes are required for every visit. But be warned: those grapes are used for grapings, so yes, you just screwed yourself when you made that appointment. Because she's a grapist that uses grapes to grape grape victims with grapes that she uses in grapings. In the mouth. I hope you like grapes!

64Golden
[Member since March 20, 2009]

Being 64 years old and made from gold, you can guess where I get my name from. Peaches. That's right, it's peaches. C'mon, it's obvious isn't it? Peachy little peaches. Panademic pink pathetic peaches that peel patrioticly in the sun on a sun-day, the day reserved specifically for such a peachy activity in the light of a peach filled afternoon. Not just any old peaches though. These peaches come from deep in a dark devolved hole (see: Devolution of the Inanimate Vol. - 2, Section 8, Subsection 3) in a pencil sharpener made from blue-tack. Learning up to four-thousand words a day they are among the most intelligent creatures to walk the Earth's jet stream which is known to be quite unwalkable. They have a tendency to anger greater beings and therefore they must divide divine divinities divulgingly and delugingly by de-moscing a mosc in order to avoid a total and spontaneous existence failure. These fears of total lack of being around to fear their own lack of being thus causing the fear they fear since they don't want to have to fear it are why they're such an inspiration to 64Golden. He will strut around peachily all day flaunting his golden tinfoil hat if you let him, but that generally doesn't get to happen considering how we will have him strapped to the ceiling and watched by at least one armed guard at all times.

hmp511
[Member since August 9, 2009]

Currently residing within the Evil Popcorn Death Whale of the northern seas, hmp makes a living salvaging small pieces of cardboard and sometimes even actual pieces of wood from other consumed artifacts of misfortune. As a result of this lifestyle, his bad luck ratio estimate has not too long ago entered the region of "Curesed for life". He is, however, fortunate to have lived even this long. Most creatures would be long dead if they resided in the death whale for such an amount of time. This is not to mention that this is the Death Whale of Evil Popcorn, which can be described more accurately as being like razor blades than being like popcorn (even if they're salted with butter on them). The secret to his success here, is his body's composition. He is 38% authentic hemp blankets which, when digested, creates a horrible alergic reaction for any unsuspecting Death Whale. Death Whales are known to have very good control over their organ systems and, as such, can specifically avoid actually digesting an object even after ingesting it. On the weekends, hmp holds small rave parties inside the whale's esophagus and may even step outside for an actual bite to eat as apposed to his usual nutritional methods of absorbing semi-edible substances into the sponge-like fibers of his blankety skin. Nobody knows what he does with the rest of his time, aside from collecting his scraps of salvaged carboard. It is not even known what the carboard is intended for. Rumors do exist but they have been discredited as only 74% accurate, which is simply not acceptable.

FatalllyToo
[Member since April 23, 2009]

A wild card. He's either spamming, ranting on about one unfunny thing(which is awesome and everybody loves it; come on - admit it), or being the most awesome guy ever. He enjoys having pony parties and hunting ferrets (run, ferrets, run!). He's a sexy stripper named Teren, married to a female supermodel. He's a drag racer that makes things more interesting by driving only with his left hand. And I mean ONLY. He can speak French, in Russian. While in Germany without getting shot. He is the most interesting man in the world... Has recently gotten into the habit of vandalizing this page. He can get competitive at times, but that's what makes him, him. Anyone that isn't already should meet this man :O.


 * If he drives with only his left hand, what's he doing with his right? 8==D~ --moorsy 17:41, 01/08/09
 * 1) A chef with a really tall hat and a beard? Why would he do him? He has bad taste... --FeralitY (I don't have a mention... :C) One:Thirteen PeiEmm Ten/Twenty/oh-Ten

sky7dc
[Member since October 17, 2008]

To some, known as Peace. To others, known as Sky. To other-er others, known as ERR:VarUndef. (The opinions of the latter group are known to cause bugs in reality and, until a patch is produced, will not be considered in this article. Thank you for your understanding of our harsh biases.) Sky had been a regular to the time machine in ages long since past, until a great shadow loomed over this land and needed defeating because shadows always metaphorically represent something bad. Sky rose to the occasion and set off on a great journey through the time vortex to the lair of the shadow. Since then, he had not been seen nor heard from for many decades... In recent days, however, he returned from the vortex! The shadow is reportedly slain by sky's valorous efforts and his equally valorous pocket flashlight. Today, he lounges in the pool all day. Any complaints about this unfair hogging of the pool are met with responses commonly on the theme of who had lately killed how many sinister entities. Three weeks from now (do not think about that very hard. Time Machines are the number 4 causers of migraines) sky was/is/will be hit in the head with great force by the very flashlight that had once aided him in epic combat. The blow to his head caused a terrible amnesia, wiping all his memories of being in the vortex with the exceptions of when he first entered and when an omnidimensional table got the better of him in a long game of strip poker. Cheating is suspected.

emoskater312
[Member since April 25, 2008]

Emoskater is a four legged creature by the name of John Ellis Manning-Vallard. He was born in Prague, but was forced to run away from the Na'vi (or was it just Navi? That fairy is mean as hell!) as a child refugee. He then called Poland his home, where he learned to skate, but got into a brutal accident that he will never forget. He had fractured his left calf (the right calf, center calf, and their mother cow mourned for months to come) and gained deep lacerations down his forearms. It was moments after the accident itself that a crowd of onlookers gathered and took the injuries to mean that he had become a deeply depressive emo. In the following days of ostracization (they made him the size of an ostrich. It was horribly tramatic), John Ellis Manning-Vallard lost his appreciation for young cows and large birds. He decided to flee from his residence to find people who did not know of the rumors surrounding his accident. He would flee to... internet dating sites! But halfway on his journey to the mystical Cave of the Internets, he stumbled across an ominous red wooden police box. Utilizing John Ellis Manning-Vallard's immense distractability, the box convinced him that he was named after the things most frequently on his mind, that he had a strong fondness for squirrels, and that he should enter the box. And so, ever since that moment, he has been known as "Emoskater312" and has been trapped within the wooden box, also known as The Time Machine, which is simply unwilling to spit him back out (much to some people's dismay). Today, emo enjoys bowing down in worship to random stones, being in his corner, and seeking chocolate cake! (Of course, just because he loves cake doesn't mean he's obese or any such thing. It's just that he loves his Sweet Desert! ...that's a desert made of dessert, in case you didn't know. And the dessert in question is a variety of cake called "The Desert" due to its coloration. Plus, most of the dessert is made to be eaten in the desert. In short, it's the Desert of Desert-Dessert, named Desert. It is also notable that this place is the leading cause of suicide amongst grammar nazis.) Emo also wishes it to be known that he is in debt to FatallyToo forever, after he had saved emo's only children (Steve, Jorge, and Jose) from the infamous Evil Popcorn Death Whale's endless, buttery fury(a.k.a President Bush).

EpicGirl95
[Member since June 13, 2010]

EpicGirl, Epic, EG, Egg, E.g.-Ge, Eggy (or Aggy, as no friends call her) shares her name with a collection of Icelandic rocks. These rocks are long and cylindrical in shape, and their respective names can be ascertained by taking a cross-section and reading it off either flat end (Legends portend that these rocks taste like sugar). I, for one, have a distant relative of these rocks called Poole: a common mis-spelling of Paul. But I digress. EpicGirl had a short career writing children's stories and, in recognition of her lack of talents, Nickelodeon hired her to write a series of unsuccessful cartoons. The most famous of her productions features a young girl and anthropomorpic friends as they scour the world, teaching the audience various degrees of Norwegian. The young lass, Nora, is rarely seen without her beat friend Doc. Martin (the shoe). Together, each episode, they are asked to find a certain object for an unknown contact and, to engage their little viewers, the duo oftentimes ask the children if they know where to get the aforementioned object. Every journey they take involves regular helpful insight from the combined omniscience of Cigarette Paper and Suitcase of Non-consecutive Bills, the latter being a happy blue box filled with numerous Lilliputians called Bill. Now, Epic knows full-well that no successful TV program is without its own antagonist; a position filled by the seemingly-evil Spiker the Pretzel. Spiker, as his name suggests, is a large Pretzel and, without fail, tries to spike one of Nora's many drinks (leading to shouts of "Spiker! No spiking!" from the children now glued to the screen). Unfortunately, even though this titbit of information is very useful, the viewers are likely to forget by the time they get their first taste of Rohypnol. Nickelodeon were fine with everything to this point, but were dubious of the name of the show, Nora the Disorder, since it alluded to her off-screen tourettes and drinking problems. Epic tried to change the story to a hat that was slightly too large for people's heads: Dora the Fedora. This was looked upon with disgust. Dora the Angora, a ball of fluff that would occasionally become matted; Dora the Menorah, a nine-branched candelabrum fed up with Jewish ceremonies and Dora the Ant (note the lack of rhyming, a clear sign of Epic's desperation) were all cut short just moments before their pilot episodes. Epic finally snapped when Nick Jr. (synonymous with 4Kids) stole the plot line, changed a few names and made a "child-friendly" series instead. Epic, now having lost all source of income was forced out of the streets, became rejected by the homeless and went to sleep in a conveniently placed policebox. And the rest, as they say, is history... well, that was too, but you know what I mean... OK, so it might not have happened yet due to paradoxes, timeslumps, lethargy and torpidity...

EpicGirl95 has been on various profiledescriptions during her time on TTM, all of them male kongers. She's had over 147 "secret" admirers (in her sexual fantasies), and is known for her mysterious powers. She's like a beautiful witch that can put a spell on almost any guy, unless he's a hertosexual. Or intelligent. Either way, she's got unknown powers. And with her self obsessive comments, she can make any grumpy guy cringe furthermore (Except Lamp, who is always grumpy...Always). Her profile on Kongregate is an epic overdose of awesomeness if you were to live in her self obesses parallel universe.

A comment she often gets "Wow. You ARE epic. I get why your name is epicgirl, lol". Then people reaslise she is talking to herself again.

Mnayin
[Member since April 8, 2009]

Mnayin, after (or before) hearing Totodile's claim to fame as a scientist, decided to get in on the action. Toto rejected the kind offer, so Mnayin turned to science instead. Now, as we all surely know, the only way for a budding young sciencer (low-budget scientist) to make a name for themselves is to come up with some radical new theory or discovery... or they could make their own name. However! this cannot be a new theory about O3 radicals, because that's just cheating. Mnayin, in hir infinite wisdom, decided that the much-overlooked time-travel was the key to stardom (rockets are better, quicker and much more easily understood... but time-travel's surely not rocket science, is it?). Time-travel, also, was conceptual at best even with so-called "contempory science", so it was a good idea from all angles (except from here). After much researching, or rooting through neighbours' sheds, shi found the most effective way to make one is via the amalgmation of a banana skin, a hammer, a 1930's style clock and a red, wooden box. Days after Mnayin started hir journey of nigh-on-epic proportion, shi stumbled upon a red, wooden box. Exactly what shi was looking for! So, in shi wanders and, with said paraphernalia in hand, shi goes back in time. Alas, shi was uneducated in the ways of the Time Machine, left the brakes on, and teleported hir body into that of hir former self. Shunned by the ever-hopeful physicians and the friends who dare not speak of that one fateful day, the inhabitants welcomed Mnayin back into the box, where shi has lived ever since.

Geega17
[Member since November 22, 2007]

Once upon a purple moon (a blue moon just above the horizon), Geega was a budding psychologist. For his university thesis, he hoped to study the dormant psychic capabilities of jack-in-the-boxes. Having collected a few thousand in a vain attempt to quash unexpected varibles, he was told he had to study real people. So, to please the lecturers, Geega undertook the first serious investigation into the degree of dyslexia among square lemon salesmen. Weeks after the research should have been handed in, Geega suddenly noticed that square lemons are actually in the shape of a cube! Such a profound mis-use of the English language could only mean one thing: Americans were involved at the heart of this. With this in mind, he skedaddled over to the Googleplex in California to search at the insanely high speed of a frozen snail. In the deep, dark depths of the dingest den, Geega found a big, blue box (the blue box was Google's ultimate non-server computer) and with it, he found a red box therein and links to Amazon where one could purchase very square lemons. Aha! The lemons were originally square! Having bought a crate of them and tracked the parcel, he learnt that the lemons gain a dimension as they slip into the pockets of the lowly salesmen; a fourth as they enter the Time Machine's mailbox; a seventh (skipping two intermediary levels) when are brought into the Time Machine and finally the third when they are sent into the grasping hands of the illiterate many. With such a disregard for the workings of physics, Geega felt he should upload himself to the Time Machine and has been stuck in our freezer ever since.

keitarojc
[Member since December 28, 2008]

Keit used to, back in the Hey!-day, used to go by the name Taylor the Baker. Before that, he was called Taylor the Breadmaker (note that it was just shortened) but contested that he also made beards and that his name didn't cover all of his expertise. Before that he was called Stan, but no one remembers that, not even myself.

He was baking away, as he was wont to do, trying poorly to produce twelve perfectly toasted paninis. He procured a set of doughy playing cards and challenged himself to a game of "skill and whit". In an entirely unrelated area of his small kitchen, a comparatively smaller bag of whit flour split in twixt, billowing flour-dust o'er to the gambling table and onto the game of red-hot poker. This careless meeting led to a volatile relationship until the flour-dust, upon having its marriage proposal declined, exploded in a fit of rage, taking out the busy baker and his thirteen blobs of half-cooked dough. It has been said that Taylor was the culprit behind the over-exaggerated fire of London.

Taylor awoke to find himself in a small public bathroom off the coast of Moldova many years not 1666, surrounded by some unimaginable "people". One person was a ferret, one was a cat, one a cardboard cut-out and one was a well-dressed lampshade with sunglasses but! they were technically people. After being asked his name, a man with a paper hat told him that he'd suck at a game of Happy Families and should get a new job. Since he'd just created a rift in the fabric of space-time, it was suggested he because a suitmaker (also, it coincidentally quelled the hat guy's comments). Keitarojc, as he named himself to be annoying: sold dresses to astronauts in 3100 BC; made shields for the Insanely Huge Hadrian Collider in 125 AD; led to "darn" being used as a low-level profanity and lined the insides of a blue box for a man with a whirry stick. At his peak, he had an incredibly efficient manner of sewing, reducing his workload by a staggering 90%. As such, it is the general consensus that he is the true origin of the adage "A stitch in time saves nine". But, due to a joke from the whirry-stick man, Keit laughed so hard he was literally in stitches... and stuck inside the upholstery of a rarely used room: moorsy's.

Deev64
[Member since September 28, 2009]

Ever since the bubblegum epidemic of '46, Deev has suffered from an unhealthy obsession with blueberries. After an unrecommended consumption of the devil's fruit, Deev suggested that they had miraculous healing abilities: cancer-prevention, abatement of capricorn and the reduction of the adverse affects of virgo. Since one of these was provable, Deev was given an honorary degree in Botany from the University of Alahambra. This was, experts conclude, the biggest mistake anyone has ever made. Using his newly acquired qualification, Deev went through a series of very short jobs (gardener, physicist, sciencer, gardener, puppet show person thing, actor, gardener), before giving therapy to victims of crime. Being one of the people who frequently applied the act of rapism to passers-by, it was no surprise that he put a space in his "therapist" sign. Avoiding the detection of police for many-a-year, he was forced to use a makeshift time machine to evade them one last time. Unfortunately, as time travel is best left to professionals and myself, he went back in time too far; landing inside a bubblegum factory in the mid-to-late '40s and making it the blueberry machine explode. After word of the semi-successful travel was heard in THIS box, Deev was dragged kicking and screaming over here and remains locked up in a infinite-blueb'ry factory just above our top floor.

FeralitY
[Member since December 20, 2008]

During the psychic craze of 2093 there were few real Psychics who actually succeeded in their lifetimes. There was one man who was good at his designated profession. People from all over the world would come over to hear his psychic readings, however the only real readings were being able to know what people's favorite colors and animals after initial impulses of knowing them. He is said to not have acquired his psychic abilities until blessed by the Volcano God on the island of Booka Hakka somewhere off the coast of Atlantis. When this man who was commonly referred to as the Color Psychic. He is thought to actually be born in the emanating atmosphere around Jupiter sent to earth at 300 million light years per hour. He landed in the volcano of Booka Hakka hence his being blessed by the god. He then rose to the top of the psychic chain quickly. After receiving his degree in Psychic abilities he began to go insane. He experimented with many different potions in order to enhance his "Psychic" abilities. The experiments succeeded however they failed in a certain aspect. They boosted his psychic abilities higher than any psychic ever dreamed of having, however they turned him into a blob of energy. He went from being known as "The Color Psychic" to "The Psychic Blob". People were not accustomed to such drastic change and eventually exiled him from their existence. This blob of psychic energy knew everything about anything he cared to know, but alas had no one to share it with. When wondering through the Amazon rain forest on an expedition to find something that might have escaped his knowledge(which is an overstatement considering he knows everything there is to know but he just needed something to keep him busy). He found a glowing orb which expanded into a large red box with an open door big enough for just his size to fit through, he wondered in and found himself in a battle zone. He was hit by thousands of bullets but not hurt given his blob body. He went on to become a major information source during the Holocaust. Since the end of the war he has become a source of information in the Paradoxical vortex he has go on to call his home, but if you are to run into this blob of overflowing knowledge do not try to get into a knowledge battle because he becomes vicious and feral. Which is where he gets his name, FeralitY.

P.S Never make fun of the Holocaust in front of him!

151.188.213.130 Thanks a lot, deev! It's fantastic!

Bumpkinlove
[Member since July 27, 2009]

Formed from the random shouts of "BUMP" on random bulletin boards or used as a way to earn points Bumpkin was formed.This creature bumpkin was no more than a jumble of pixel refuse from an ink spot spewed from a printer to a man with a shirt.Bumpkin found her way narrowly esacping the dreaded Washing Machine of Doom.Bumpkin was seeking her way back to her former home of the computer but alas she was pixels and had no hands.bumpkin slowly but surely evolved over the time from 1930's- to what is now 2010 she became almost real.She formed emotions like Happiness and Sadness,Anger and forgiveness,but something was missing,Love.Bumpkin experienced every emotion but love.She would walk down the streets in her newly evolved legs and see Love.Bumpkin became angry with anything that experienced love while she could not.So Bumpkin came up with a plan to destroy the very emotion "Love".Bumpkin,being formed from computers was deviously smart and cunning so she hatched a plan to destroy all she saw fit.She made a bomb large enough to destroy all living things on Earth.She took her bomb to the core of the Earth itself.Being the most evolved life form on Earth she was resistant to high temperatures.She dug and dug for 36 years with rage and fury and hatred in her mind.Finally she reached the core of the Earth but the insanely high temperatures were far to much for bumpkin when she got to the outer core of the earth but her tunnel was collapsing and Bumpkin had no choice but to seek refuge in her short time of life she would have is she did not escape the terrible heat of the Earth.She ran to a time machine located floating in the liquid magma of the Earth and ran inside.She was trapped in the paradoxical vortex of The Time Machine's wrath and she has been trapped ever since.No one knows exactly where she is but you could hear her faint screams of anger but she has since settled and her story has passed through the thousands of ears that dwell within The Time Machine and she has become known as Bumpkinlove ironically given her circumstances.

twistedsurgeon
[Member since April 21, 2010]

Surge started his journey to this box of cookies, goodies and other socially-acceptable evils (it is, coincidentally, the prelude to the lesser box Real-Nora gave to Pad-Nora) by being the only person suitable to fly Catchphrase winners around the world. This wasn't because of his astounding aviation abilities, rather that he was the only one to apply for the post. Just after the turn of the millennium, Surge escorted a crocodile off the set after it jumped out at Nick Weir causing him to fall down the stairs and break his foot.

He took the oddly-blue reptile to Japan, after a failed attempt to fly in a complete circle, and was kidnapped by the conspiracy at the airport (Totodile slinked off, avoiding all detection for the time being). Threatened with the selling of the children he didn't even know he had, having had none, Surge was forced to electrocute rats and have them fight creatures and other-worldly beings. Doing this for a few years and rising to the enviable rank of Lieutenant, he faced a peripubescent zoophile and his smaller charged rat and suffered a humiliating defeat. After failing to be promoted to Animator and, as such, to overthrow the Nintendo conspiracy from the inside, Surge was set free to pursue a new career: Botany.

He whisked himself off to the University of Alahambra and studied for two whole years. I say "study" in the loosest sense of the term here; "party" fits much better, I mean, he only read 3 books. Either way, he made it through the second year by downloading a German paper and passing it through a terrible translator thrice only to find that a blueberry addict gets one for free. The nerve of the guy! x Surge unenrolled from the university in a huff and started slashing his lecturers with his trusty scalpel. He stepped out of a third-floor window, through a passing time rift (how we missed it, nobody knows, we'd been hunting it for hours) and promptly kidnapped himself in an airport years before he even got there. We weren't happy, so we took him in for questioning and he's still not telling us anything... Accursed lawyers telling him to keep quiet ¬_¬

xanatos32
[Member since August 13, 2008]

The only survivor of what has been dubbed 'That One Time When Some Stuff Went Down', xanatos32 is one quirky - or possibly insane - guy. He has no enemies to think of, and yet he seems to think that it is necessary to carry a large rifle on his pocket. That, or he's really happy to see you... or bloons' mum is there.

xana: my Xbox live is xanatos32 so if you feel an irresistible urge to add me please do.....of course it probably doesnt help that my friends list is pretty much full but im sure people will find a way.

IPNO
[Member since he started]

Various rumours have been bandied about regarding IPNO's origin, a never-changing story which always starts with "You wanna know how I got these cars?". Some say he's a discarded psychic pokémon with a timepiece-related paraphilia. Some say he's a spirit raised from a Ouija board after a scrabble-tile accident. Others even go so far as to declare him an accident after someone spilt a spirit (namely Vodka) on a scrabble board and the tiles spelt Ouija. But! I can discount all those meagre attempts at finding who he is/was/something. As I said before; the true story never changes, and I have listened to it as many as one whole time.

At the beginning of his story, IPNO makes it certain that he was a door-to-door salesman: a job that invariably failed before he'd even started his spiel about the vices of the current door model. Er hat sein Spiel verändert *twitch* and exploited a senile old woman, trading her house for its front door. This seemed like an excellent idea at the time, but he was unable to use the front door (legally), since it wasn't his. So he fatally killed the old woman (legally) and stole the door. She survived, avoiding death but suffering a fate worse than it: spending the rest of her life as an MP. IPNO traded this shabby house-without-door and door combination to a local dealer for a "magic" crayon: it was blue.

On a bright and sunny morn, much unlike any to be encountered in Scotland, a blue crayon is a much desired thing. But, and here's the crux, it was cold and drab that day. So, with this in mind, IPNO traded this crayon for a large glass of sarsaparilla with added icecubes. This was swiftly supped with his good friend (stalkee) Mnayin who, thereupon, shot him into the heart... of Cyprus. This was duly noted by our time-space scanner (designed by Keitarojc) and he was dragged into The Time Machine... kicking and screaming... both at small children

A Memorial For Those Who Have Fallen/The Irregulars
Of course, on occasion those who have rioted through this box in the past do something illogical such as visiting the strange realm of "Earth" and losing sight of the path back to the safe white padding of insanity. These individuals who have been on the list entitled "The Regulars" but no longer can find their way home are as follows:

sirferret2 Developer icon.gif
[Member since January 16, 2008]

Rumour says he's a ferret in human form trying to take over the pet shop industry, one shop at a time. Some say it's two shops at a time. I, for one, am a firm believer of the lesser known tale. He's a ferret dressed as a fox in horse form. This horse is quite adept at transformation and thus has turned into a ninja. The ninja was picked up by a nobleman and paid to be a jester. Once sirferret2 had enough money to legally change his name, he changed it to fert and hides in the sewers below The Time Machine. He pops his head up on a near-daily basis for a round of cookies and milk and avoids speaking of his past unless drunk.

Unknown_Mystery Owner.gif [[File:Moderator icon.gif]] (Ex-Room Owner)
[Member since August 2, 2009]

Often nicknamed "Unknown", "UM", or "OMG, a mod!!!", he/she/it is a mysterious moderator here with an unknown purpose. (Assuming it's not the way too obvious one of being a moderator on Kongregate.) He/She/It is of unknown gender, species, mindset, birth date, opinion on donuts, chess skill level, dance ability, hair color, hair amount, existence, breed, intention, pet ownership status, mysteriousness, real name, real avatar, favourite crayon techniques, pencil number, aliases, future iTunes library total songs number (presumably over 9000), view on memes, StarCraft skil l level, 'Dance, Dance, Revolution' high score, income level, bounty level, shoe size, shirt size, pants size, hat size, socks size, undergarment preferences, preferred glove texture, intelligence (presumably high), popularity, time traveling savviness, life expectancy, other pants size, location, number of earned intarwebz, pizza topping preference, shoe style, anti-virus software, operating system, taco count, credit card number, work place, telephone number, fax number, additional other pants size, political correctness, ability to spew on demand, secret intentions, sanitation, awesomeness (speculated to be higher than we know [so far: 3]), favorite number, progress in the quest for the holy grail, political preference, favored font, alt status, international travel means, paranoia, extra additional other pants size, favorite position, preferred brand of macaroni and cheese, view on macaroni and cheese, allergies, wiki site, and pants size. The only known thing about him/her/it (and even this is debated) is that he/she/it is/will be/was the Time Machine's room/square/vacant space owner/land lord/tyrant/butler.

NOTE: I did not write any part of this description. Unknown

rurin
[Member since October 13, 2008]

Rurin has, and does know a lot. When she's on, she has little time for gaming but will speak to her heart's content. Ask her, she'll tell you.

sd198
[Member since December 24, 2008]

Person of undisclosed gender and of undisclosed nature.

shortstuffs117
[Member since November 13, 2008]

Lives in the nether regions of the Netherworld, speaks of speeches that are currently being spoken. Little else is known of this lad.

e1323
[Member since May 3, 2009]

Proof that the old adage "You are what you eat" still holds true in this day and age, e1323 ate tons of jelly, icecream and tasty E number tablets (like vitamin tablets, but taste like every fruit you can think of at the same time (and about as useless)) in a 4.3 year test in his 70s. I'm not entirely sure on the reasons behind the obscure transformations he underwent; some say it was an allergic reaction to oxygen, others lean towards the idea of one of the jellies being alive at the time of ingestion... but to cut a long story short, improvise on the now-missing majority, cut it again, translate it terribly back to English via at least four other languages and tell it: e1323 was actually a Cybernetic, Altruistic Motor Prompt or C.A.M.P. called Epsilon-372906160441327... (a 574 digit number) used for testing, since animals no longer suffice. However, due to the large consummation of sugary goodness, e1323 noticed that the 574 digit number was equal to e^1323 (unsurprising, in hindsight) so changed his name to ε-e^1323, and consequently to e1323. This last transition was partly due to the large numbers of E numbers he had devoted his previous 4 and a bit years to (thus showing a degree of insanity) and because he had become just that lazy. His designer noticed this once it was too late, and exiled his fructose-filled friend to the past. Noticing this alteration to space-time, we decided to ignore it... that was, until e1323 knocked on our door with cookies. We had to let him in then.

stinkystilton
[Member since February 10, 2009]

Pretty much is what it says on the tin.

corkerman
[Member since June 8, 2008]

A mighty being with countless occupations. Corkerman first arrived in the Grand Infiltration of OHIO (see below) in 1739. It was a cold and lonely era, where dragons ruled and the sun often wandered off with the moon to play a few round of bingo. Corkerman, in his inexplicable ways, persuaded the sun that playing bingo was code for "scissor scissor eighty seven", which nobody understands but it still made the sun stop shirking in its duties and resume shining upon the land! With an increase in sunlight, the photosynthetic dragons exploded in a shower of suger-rush (thus inventing candy) and the non-photosynthetic dragons moved away in search of a little shop that sells cute sunglasses. Corkerman used his leftover supply of Awesome-Points to invest in the newly started Spiffy Pants Foundation (SPF - see below) when a stray boulder woke up from a nap that never started, i.e., became sentient. That investment has since payed off and he is now a top high priest of SPF, preaching the message of the great, grand, and gratuitous boulder known as ᾍδης

TIMEtoDIE785
[Member since May 18, 2009]

An alien from Deimos, one of the moons of Mars, TIMEtoDIE785 (oft shorten to "Time") is the founder of the great city/empire of Spartaaaaa, OHIO. He has a secret moon base armed with every weapon known to man(and several known to dolphins. Yes, they have more advanced weapons than us, after all, they are the second most intelligent species in the universe to our third, What do you mean that's nonsense? Haven't you ever read/seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? It is dolphins that were smart enough to realize the destruction of the Earth was near! Oops, that was a secret... uh... crap...*injects reader with amnesia* Anywho, where were we? Oh right, I was just preparing to close this parenthesese. Bye!), and uses them to solve every problem to ever encounter his wrath. Although he has all these fancy weapons, his weapon of choice is his stun knife and immunity to jet lag. Anger him and this knife will more than likely decapitate you. He loves the game/movie/game DOOM and will often play it on his iPod while chatting. Time is always correct, even when he is wrong. Some say that Time is not actually a solid form. His ability to travel through time and space without any help gives the impression that he is from the Twilight Zone. He references MGS3 very often. His favorite saying is "Snake? Is something wrong? Answer me PLEASE!!! Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAKE!!!" He generally only says this when the chat dies or will PM it to someone who is not responding to the chat. Just remember that he has the big guns upstairs and WILL use them if you piss him off. Don't piss him off. Please... he fights to the grizzly end and we just don't have time or space for all that blood in here. (What do you mean 'we have infinite time and space here'!? I know we do, I just don't think we should be using it for blood! The last time the cops put the heat on, we nearly lost slipknotsystem2!!! ...yes, that was intended to be interpreted as a bad thing!)

OHIO

The Game has been lost.

Miatog
[Member since October 1, 2008]

Miatog is far older than anyone in the Time Machine. He's lived for over 2024 years and has recently (by who's time frame? I mean this is a time machine) founded a religion based on smacking down noobs and cheaters who use walkthroughs. Miatog is not someone you should be messing with, unless you're a stupid lunatic like fert. Especially when he's trying to get a badge that's rather annoying. The Miatogi are known to be as, if not more, secretive than the Illuminati, but lacks the conspiracy, secrecy and government controlling. The Miatogi intend to use the governments of the world in their own ways to conspire against Christianity and purge the Earth...ernet of cheapskate gamers!

Legends of Paradoxical Consequence
There has been talk, likely rumors but potentially more, of some slightly stranger things occurring in the Time Machine. Unfortunately for the reader of this article, "strange" is a term with unknown relative value. It is likely these stories are strange from the perspective of the inhabitants of this strange box. Strange to the strange of course, would be normal unless it is so strange it goes a level beyond strange and is recognized simply as plain "strange" to the strange one in question. Of course, as normal inhabitants of a strange box, they may be strange inhabitants fromt he perspective of a non-strange box, thus making them strange inhabitants of a strange box and so normal or beyond causing their idea of the term strange in relation to these stories to be strange to the point of mind blowing, extremely strange, simply strange, slightly strange, totally normal, or flatly boring. If it is indeed normal, however, then that too, must be considered within its unknown context to be either normal or abnormal and so leaving the options of what is strange to be overlapping and layered into a multi-dimensional concept. It is unknown whether strange minds are capable of multi-dimensional thinking due to nobody being normal enough to both experience it theoretically and reliably report this phenomenon and so the multi-dimensioned options must be compressed into the simple realm of a single dimension. This complicates things and divides groups into subgroups into subsubgroups. As such, how strange any strange thought may be must be catalogued through a complex sequence of codework in order for anybody to comprehend when it is uttered that it is strange as is may be strange category #869Alpha3 or something completely different such as category #hex999 (to the third root). These legends have generally been accepted as variety #8127 with a touch of #ju77x scattered around. It has been remarked that this whole description and introductory section is strange, however, so please completely disregard this until it is properly caged, tagged, labeled, and categorized. This will be difficult if the ones to categorize proceed to follow instructions and ignore it though. If they do not, they shall be fired and possibly terminated due to overall lack of competence in the field of following a simple order and all decisions made by them shall be undone. Please proceed with caution and wipe your feet on the mat provided.

The Curse of OHIO and Its Infiltration
As one who regularly observes the behavior here may notice, they are times when frantic and possibly panicked cries of "Ohio!" may be heard. These are oft delivered in full caps and with a multitude of exclamatory markings in order to convey the importance of this word. We who document this strange occurrence have come to the conclusion that this is the dark curse of OHIO. One may wonder why it is "OHIO" as apposed to "Ohio" but one may also wonder whether a roll of paper designated for a restroom should hang under or over the roll, so it is obviously an utterly idiotic question to ask. The record shows that the origin of this subject is vaguely as follows with a 100% margin of error:


 * I was walking my dog Oswald the other day, when I figured I would ask my brother to say a state in chat. Now we all do it. It's cool.

Again, this is a plate-load of tripe to be disregarded. Everybody knows it is as follows now from this point. The naming of the state of Ohio was truly a misfortune filled occurrence, with all men involved feeling bitter and annoyed once a name was chosen. It was chosen as a compromise, not so that they're all equally happy, but so that they're all equally annoyed. Soon, the opinion of distaste spread and everybody felt fairly and equally annoyed by this naming. But nobody dared change it because obviously they might pick something even worse like "Texas". With the overall percentage of unhappy people reaching 100% for the first few years of Ohio's existence, it became nearly impossible for the name to ever be uttered without causing a mass wave of unhappiness and sour moods. As time passed, however, some people got used to it and others moved in who had not yet felt the influence of the massive dislike of the name. The eerie wave of unhappiness still existed at the thought of the name though. It became embedded in the very land. The combination of the ingrained unhappiness and no actual reason for it gave it a new twist of utter confusion when the feeling came about. This, in turn, was ingrained into the land and people slowly became more anxious about it as they became aware of this spontaneous and inexplicable feeling. Years went by and it grew to the point that anybody who was unfortunate enough to have the concept of what state they were in cross their mind would immediately have a mental breakdown, a minor seizure, and the speech center of their minds would be overridden with the treacherous word: Ohio. This whole type of reaction inflicted enough fear however, that the word soon started to come out in a more panicked fashion. Going from "Ohio..." to "OHIO!!!!!!". This is how the Curse of OHIO functions. Even today, as one, hypothetically, drives down the road and crosses the state boarder into Ohio, the vast majority of the time they have a massive muscle lockup and plow their vehicle into a tree as they scream the curse's titilular word.

Not too long ago in reletive terms of a Time Machine, many a man from Ohio entered into this box. With them came the worry, the superstitions, the accidents of the shunned name with three vowels and a consanant. This is how the Curse of OHIO slowly infultrated the Time Machine and gradually imbedded itself into the red panels and plaid silk illusionary cushion that make up the chat room. Be worried for the safety of your fellow creature (?) when a wave of the OHIO reallization sweeps through. The only warning we can give you is: Stay away from breakable valuables and do not resist. It kills more braincells than it saves.

SPF and ᾍδης
A cult of the occult yet nonoccult just the same. This group frequently referred to by the acronym SPF but formally entitled The Spiffy Pants Foundation has a weak (some would say nonexistent) stranglehold over the entirety of the Time Machine and its political workings (also said to be nonexistent) maintained with an iron grip that coincidentally is comprised of very thin alluminum sheeting. Cofounded by sirferret2 (also The Chosen One, wearing the sacred Fancy Pants of vibrant orange fabric) and corkerman, this wide spread (but localized) religion containing many regulars of the Time Machine follows the teachings of the great magical boulder-god (Not god of boulders. A god that is a boulder.), ᾍδης. The philosophy of the wise, floating, talking, ᾍδης generally follows around a couple simple principles ᾍδης may be summoned via any improvised chant that is uttered with the sole purpose or requesting his precense and authority. When summoned, it is commonplace for somebody to get crushed by his immense weight as a sign of approval and possibly affection.
 * ᾍδης must be worshipped and accepted without doubt or question.
 * All pants worn must be as spiffy as possible in any given situation.
 * If pants are not an option, other leg garments worn instead must also strive for spiffy perfection.
 * If no garments of any type can be found to be used over one's legs and such regions generally inside a pair of pants, then one must find a writing instrument and make their very legs and such areas spiffy. This only has to be followed if it is expected that such a situation will last for at least three days.
 * On casual Fridays, and casual Fridays only, one may choose any garment to be spiffy. At least one spiffy garment is required at all times.
 * Even on casual Fridays, when being reviewed for membership, it is pants that must be spiffy.

Infection and Evacuation
It is generally agreed upon by most people that the Time Machine is suffering a rather unfortunate plague. For the well-being of those who would be daft enough to care about such a meaningless place, many regulars are slowly being escorted out of the Time Machine. Their final destinations are, in most cases, outside of the distorted and acursed place known as Kongregate altogether. A few such locations have also been named by some for example purposes. One may expect that such examples would be given as examples, but that is simply not the case. Henceforth, all who depart are considered legally dead and most likely buried, with any wills and other documents thoroughly taken care of. Given a period of two months, all of a given hypothetical person's memories of anybody other than said hypothetical being itself should be expunged and gone forever. The death toll is rising daily and can be said to be quite deadly. The most potentially confusing bit would be those who claim that this whole plague issue is completely made up. Some say that this section of the room's articles was written by somebody that was biased with an incurably negative and unfair view. Those "some" individuals, who we assume are large rats that learned English from a drunked Portuguese lad on a hot Friday afternoon one fine December, are most likely correct. That said, we implore those that do not fall under the category of "some" to completely ignore the existence of "some" and take this seriously. As additional information to add to one hypothetical reader's thoughts, studies have shown that when a hypothetical reader is asked to take the "Infection and Evacuation" section of this article seriously and the reader thinks to himself or herself that they are, they most likely are not even close to taking it seriously enough. We would now like to hypothetically kick the hypothetical reader right in his or her hypothetical teeth, which may or may not exist (hypothetically). An extent of seriousness that would, hypothetically, prove serious enough is what most people would refer to as "nearing a mad obsession".