Atlas Park

Welcome to Atlas Park
Here at Atlas Park, we begrudgingly welcome everyone, mainly because we have no choice. If you want to become an Atlas Park regular, simply make yourself known and stay that way. If you want to become an Atlas Park Moderator, do your absolute best to not give a flying f*ck about anyone or anything. They just hand those jobs out (Just kidding, we love you JeniseS, please don't silence us). If you actually manage to merit one of these titles, don't be offended when we roast you in your description. So, welcome to the Park, a pants-free adventuring environment.

Rules

 * 1) Get naked.
 * 2) Don't spam or discriminate based on blah blah blah.
 * 3) Hate Ant Hill and all that they stand for.
 * 4) Limit virtual rape to PMs, no one needs to see all that.
 * 5) Have a set of balls, and some chest on your hair.

News

 * We added a News section.
 * tree_fiddy is still a racist.


 * Grade school began attendance again, and roughly 95% of the room, thirteen year old tryhards, were wiped from existence.


 * We were surprised to learn that [insert irrelevant bullshit here].
 * Billy Dee Williams, Bruce Lee, Frank Sinatra, Nikola Tesla, and Snoop Dog are still the coolest people ever.

Moderators
On Kongregate, Moderators are a lot like cops. Some of them are chain-smoking homicide detectives, cynical from years on the job, seeing what people have the capacity to do, what people have the capacity to troll. Some are dirty badges, fat and lazy like spoiled cats, ready to take any size bribe to silence that guy you don't like and not lift a finger otherwise. Here at Atlas Park, it is more of an honorary title for elderly homebodies so they can feel productive.

JeniseS - Always absent when needed and bothering us when not, Jenise is wise, down-to-Earth, logical, and elderly all at the same time. If there is any such thing as a cool teacher, it is Jenise. Even with unlimited power over the whole of Atlas Park, her prime concern is always making people happy, which can be a bit counterproductive when it comes to trolls, but... what the hell. We love you Jenise.

Allen42 - All hail Allen!... Well, we tried. Allen is another wise figure in the room. Allen is also old, but without the cool-grandma charm that radiates off of Jen. We really love you, Jenise... He is on less, but is perhaps more proficient when he is. His response time to injustices in the cold, unsafe room of Atlas is a mere amount of seconds, while to our other mod it requires a few minutes, as well as a younger relative to help her out. It is even rumored that Allen, while still old, is maybe young enough to still relate to the rest of the room in the more youngster-ish subjects discussed throughout the day... But you didn't hear it from me!

Ayrus - Super critical of everything, Ayrus is a biochemist for an unknown company, in an unknown location, working for unknown wages. No one really knows if Ayrus is weaponizing ebola or curing cancer, but then again, no one cares. Ayrus is probably the most active of our moderators, yet still, quite paradoxically has never silenced anybody as far as we can tell.

Oldies
Oldies are former regulars, usurped from power by the new generation. Most have either moved to a new room or vanished from Kongregate completely. Looking back on it, there are a lot of old regs that made their mark on Atlas Park. Unfortunately, there are just too many to list that came and went over the last eight years, so we will have to name as many we can with our memory as our only source.

crazykiller282 - crazykiller282 was an acquired taste to be sure. If you didn't know him, he would often come off as a troll due to his hotheaded no-shit attitude, but was a necessary ingredient in the cultural melting pot that is Atlas Park. He earned his place on this list for a few reasons, mainly because if he wasn't setting me straight with his burning logic and witty remarks, he was actually managing to piss me off with his utter stupidity. A rare skill indeed. Sadly, one day he simply dropped away from the universe as we know it. We like to think he died, otherwise all the expensive candles and flowers we stole for his memorial are for nothing.

ElDonuto - ElDonuto was a game developer who frequented Atlas Park in the olden days. His profile description reads a famous quote from Fight Club, which he cited after reading KingDaedalus' original bio. No one has seen him in a long while, at least not in Atlas Park, and it is widely believed that he melded minds with a wild binary dragon and disappeared into the matrix. So, if you happen to run across a flying dinosaur with a severe case of multiple personality disorder, please tell ElDonuto to come home. The infinitesimal percentage of us who actually remember him kind of miss him and his generally apathetic attitude.

The Royal Family (Regulars)
Regulars are people who have donated little pieces of their souls and large chunks of their lives to a particular chat room. In the end, they have absolutely no reward to show for their devotion, other than a little credit. You should respect your regulars and tolerate their mindless bullshit, because you never know when they just might become a Mod and ban your ass.

THE QUEEN
♔blebbeh♔

If you frequent Atlas Park, you know blebbeh. Shrouded in mystery, she is the self-appointed chronicler of the happenings and personages of the room. Being as narcissistic as she is, paired with how little she cares about anyone or anything else, it is very fair to label her the sociopath to rule them all. Emotionless, uncaring and yet strangely captivating, blebbeh may inspire various conflicting feelings. This will make you want to lash out, a desire you should most definitely act on, for the entertainment of the room. Be very aware that she isn't interested in sexing you... She is exclusively loyal to her King, and the sketchy magazines hiding under her mattress.

THE KING
♕KingDaedalus♕

How he became king of Atlas Park is unknown. He wasn't born to the title, he didn't earn it, and in no discernible way does he deserve it. He is king simply because he is. When he isn't wasting huge portions of his life on Kong, he is absolutely nowhere to be found. We like to think that he serves solely as a part of the room, simply powering off when not busy chatting. Want to win his love? Small talk means nothing to the royal lad and lady; intellectual discussions really strike his chords. However, don't expect to get him butt-frustrated; he cares little about your opinion of him, which can very easily turn you into an agitated, babbling sack of insults in no time. This is where his power stems. Bow before your King.

THE PRINCE
♚WRAIT94♚

Most people think that the T-Rex was king of the dinosaurs. Atlas Park knows the truth, however, and that truth is that Wrait knows how to be the best asshole to patrol the African Wasteland, where giant hornets battle dire wolves and drug warlords gun down the Native Americans. Wrait is respectable for what he is though. If you think he is a troll, think again, he is simply smarter than you.

THE INQUISITOR
☣Blanc_Noir☣

Noir, what can we even begin to say about you? I'm even almost hesitant to say anything at all, in fear that if I cross a line with my words, Noir will come to me in my sleep and do unspeakable and inappropriate things to me. While this is definitely a risk, it is one of the more rare punishments that Noir deals out daily. The most common: Absolute and total verbal annihilation in the Atlas Park chatroom. It is fair to say that deciding to get into an argument with Ashleigh is like skipping to the final boss level in a game you've never played before. While her usual prey include trolls, spammers (this should be motivation enough to not be an asshole in chat), and people with any shred of self esteem at all, she could snap at just about anyone for just about anything... Her friendship is incredibly difficult to earn but is pretty rewarding when you do. Who wouldn't like the T-Rex to be on their side? She has more accounts than you have tangled wires so we can never be sure that this description is up to date.

♞ValeyardKnight♞
Ah, Vale! It's a real breath of fresh air to have someone in this room who isn't either trying to get into your no-no zone, or telling you that nobody loves you. He's a real, respectable gentleman, and not a phony fedora-tier gentleman, either. He's not on often, and when he is it is usually for a short period of time, but we're all sure that this is because he's a very busy and productive citizen of the Earth, unlike the other hundred-something of us. He's friends with the mods, and it's a little bit of a challenge to get close to him, but it's a real treat to have him around wen you do. I'd love to put something snarky and playful-insulting here about Vale, but I can't... ValeyardKnight is void of all criticisms!

♞RicketyPrince♞

Though relatively new to the regular scene, RicketyPrince's argumentative, witty, and uncaring personality earned him a nice standing in our little park. Before you go assuming he is a clone of WRAIT94, understand that he is, and this is a good thing. As soon as Jurassic Park taught us how to combine Wrait's ancient DNA with a frog's to make a more or less exact replica, we jumped at the chance. This way, when Wrait is either too drunk or too high to work a computer mouse, Rickety can step in and give us his two shits. Hopefully he doesn't take up drinking and puffing too. Psht, who are we kidding?

THE JESTER
❉FirstBloodKiller❉

You see, the fact that FBK is even on here, let alone that he's the Jester, might make you believe that we like him enough to consider him a reg, or that he's funny in any way whatsoever. Trust me, you need to ignore that belief. The way that jesters work is that they come into your party, make a total and complete fool of themselves, throw a few attempted disses at the hosts, and then people throw rotten food and feces at them until they leave. Similarly, this is how we see FBK in our room. You will often find him begging the mods to silence him. But he'll never beg twice...

THE PEASANTS
◆ranushy◆

We thought briefly about making ranushy the jester, but we decided against it. There are a few people who do enjoy ran's (or nushy's) presence in the room, and she isn't completely insufferable, nor does she insult anyone she comes across. She is a Middle Eastern-American 14 year old girl who is very faithfully Muslim. There is a magical little innocence to her, and she very rarely uses curse words (besides the N-word, ouch). Even if she did, it would be difficult to find through the flood of smiley-face emotions. However, as it is with many children of her age, get on her bad side and she will do everything in her power to make your day slightly annoying. EVERYTHING.

◆whitetiger1234◆

It might seem not seem fitting for an Atlas Park regular to be a kind and generous if their name is anything but JeniseS, but that is precisely what whitetiger1234 is. She is one of the newer initiates in the army but is welcome by just about everybody, since there isn't a single person we could consider her nemesis. Strange, since most of us have at least three.

Trolls
Every kingdom has a few trolls under the bridge. In Atlas Park's case, they are like pigeons. Now, every now and then, a troll actually impresses us with their methods and intelligence, proving that they are a little more than an eleven-year-old attention whore. And then some don't.

iMeds

iMeds is what you could call "adept" at religious snobbery. He likes to portray himself as an open-minded intellectual but shies away from any inkling of civil and intelligent conversation by muting the person who instigates it. That goes the same for humor. In fact, the only reason he is even mentioned here is due to widespread dislike (except by Ayrus). Want to know what denomination of Christian he is? There is a 90% chance upon asking him that he will take major offense and *gasp* mute you. Really, iMeds? It is easy to hide from your problems but respectable to face them.

tree_fiddy

tree_fiddy was a legendary troll in the olden days, racist, spiteful, and annoying as hell. Some might argue that since he is gone now, permabanned after rampaging through the park on several occasions, he could be considered an oldie. After all, most of the regulars had simply grown used to his presence and some even slightly attached to him, but the simple fact is, tree was a troll, trolls are pests, and pests must be exterminated. No one knows what he did with his life after being erased from Kong, but we assume he sat up from his rusted folding chair, his sticky keyboard, and his eternally glowing monitor, heavy with dust, and walked outside for the first time in a century. At this instant, his being, soul and body, blew away in the wind as dust. This was the end of tree_fiddy, this will be the end of all trolls.

Editors
Please give a round of applause for your wonderful wiki editors who are responsible for making this page possible and maintaining it all of this time. New contributors are always welcome so long as they are official Atlas Park regulars, moderators, or wikia admin, and intend on making this page the very best it can possibly be, meaning no spam or bullshit. Thank you for reading.

blebbeh

KingDaedalus