The_Smartest: this room is so shit becasue it smells like moderator
Welcome to Atlas Park
If you aren't a troll, narcissist, or hypocrite, you've come to the wrong place.
Here at Atlas Park, we begrudgingly welcome everyone, mainly because we have no choice. If you want to become a regular, reconsider. If you want to become a Moderator, it's not very hard. They really do just hand those jobs out (just kidding, we love you JeniseS, please don't silence us). If you actually manage to merit one of these titles, don't be offended when we roast you in your description. So, welcome to the Park, a pants-free adventuring environment.
Official Page Editors
Rules
- Get naked.
- Hate all other rooms and everything they stand for. FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO LEGS BAD!
- Keep your opinions to yourself unless you're fully prepared to be ferociously argued with.
- We're all bad people, but some of us are better at it.
- Meme responsibly.
- No, we will not add you to the regs list because you are "always on, but just gaming."
- twelvedoors must always be referred to as "Daddy".
News
Park Rangers
On Kongregate, Moderators are a lot like cops; very powerful, but not very competent.
Some of them are chain-smoking homicide detectives, cynical from years on the job. Some are dirty badges, fat and lazy like spoiled cats, ready to take any size bribe to silence that guy you don't like and not lift a finger otherwise. Here at Atlas Park, it is more of an honorary title for elderly homebodies so they can lie to themselves and feel like someone loves them.
"i tell you son, you're not the best. your rappin' dont even past the test. your lyrics really arent that great. you got 15 minutes, now you have to wait" -Jen
Always absent when needed and needed when absent, Jenise is wise, down-to-Earth, logical, and elderly all at the same time. She may not be as active as in the past, but no moderator is more loved, an especially easy decision considering the only other moderators at hand. Most regulars, save for the few that have spent the last several years obsessing over the room, can't even recall a time when she actually used her powers as moderator. All that is left of the Jenise who moderated is the stories that we will pass to our grandchildren. Her prime concern is always making people happy, which can be a bit counterproductive when it comes to trolls, but... what the hell. All hail Jenise!
"Mr. Rogers is my spirit animal." -Rach
Rach is by far one of the best things to ever happen to The Park, despite being a global, we feel that she is enough of a regular to qualify as a park ranger. She has made a long lasting change to the nature of the room and we appreciate it, which is why this short biography is more of a testament to her care and friendship than our traditional jokes.
"or maybe i was engaging in my trademark ribaldry" -twelve
No nook or cranny of the internet is complete without an outspoken, quick-witted millennial to offer a constant pooping of commentary on the workings of the world and its disgusting underbelly. We appreciate twelve for this, especially because without someone to tell us what's happening in the real world where real people live, all we would ever know is hentai and memes. Now hear this decree, and fear for your life: twelvedoors the mighty Editor Mod will ban and silence all those who make grammatical and spelling error, you have been warned.
Regulars
Regulars are people who have donated little pieces of their souls and large chunks of their lives to a particular chat room. In the end, they have absolutely no reward to show for their devotion, other than a little credit. You should respect your regulars and tolerate their mindless bullshit, because you never know when they just might become a Mod and perma-ban your ass.
"i just have issues with being misquoted purposefully" -9th
9th is everything you could possibly imagine someone who regularly goes into an internet chat room would be; overweight, home schooled, religious, and a great person. Here at Atlas, we consider 9th to possess the spirit of a Park regular poster child. He constantly involves himself in arguments and disputes even if there's no need to, sometimes coming off as a 12 year old. We would expect nothing less than perfect chaos from him, or we wouldn't even allow him in the Park anymore. Despite the occasional bickering, he is one of the extraordinary regulars of this room who contribute their creative minds and consideration to our sub-ordinary Wikia page, so feel free to come to him with any requests you may have concerning the wiki, trust us, he has nothing better to do. Dr, without you, literally no one would give a shit about us. Cheers!
"the chatroom isn't all about you." -CL
Though her username encourages such acts in games or within a relationship (See Kong bio for more info) we've decided to tolerate her presence in the room anyway. Most of the time you'll find her in Atlas Park complaining about DJ, all the rest of the time she's out cheating and lying to people. Although CL has a habit of getting upset about literally anyone speaking about anything that she didn't want to talk about, it's worth it for the moments everyone gets along and has a nice conversation.
"From summin from my wall" -lil
Are you bored? Are you looking for good clean fun? You should look further, you won't find it with lil. But what you will find are phat beatsies, but you'll have difficulty understanding it when he tells you about them cause he can't phucking spel. Regardless of all this you'll find lil hanging around the campfire with the rest of the regs, chiming in and being a generally good friend, so we're happy to have him here.
Loki came a long way to be on the page. He started off as a meager troll, and throughout his time in Atlas Park, he evolved into something more powerful than any of us could comprehend. He became one of the main trolls on one of the most busy rooms in the entire site, and earned himself a reputation in the Park. Cunning and almost supernaturally motivated, Loki has been known to lurk during the earlier hours and chase away those that present themselves as a tumor to the room, making himself some enemies along the way. Still, saying that trolls can't be part of the Reg community in would be to compromise nearly everyone.
"i traveled to the future in a dream again" - Malakhie
What would any park be without its very own super-powered 14-year-old? Notable for constantly boasting about his mastery of “Monster Battles,” or his apparent super strength, speed, and agility, as well as showing off his ingenious roasting skills to one of his unfortunate contrarians by calling them “stupid.” Regardless of what you think of this, or the rumor that he is actually underage, Mala is undoubtedly capable of keeping chat moving, and for that, we thank him.
"you can have my ass =)" -smok
No room is complete without its resident nerd! Occasionally mad with technological discovery, or lack thereof, smokk is defined in the Park by his constant ability to help others. Whether it be that you're crying because something in your house just broke, or just wishing that there was someone out there as passionate about <insert random dork material> as you are, smokk's your man. Chances are, he'll come out of his shell eventually, and a glorious rant about his latest project will come spilling from his genius face.
Ayrus
- Our once semi-beloved room owner, Ayrus has left; while some people were left with a bad taste in their mouth we will continue to remember all the good times we had with him when he was here, and leave this up forever in memorial to the once Ranger Ayrus.
blebbeh - If you frequent Atlas Park, you know blebbeh. Shrouded in mystery, she is the self-appointed chronicler of the happenings and personages of the room. Being as narcissistic as she is, paired with how little she cares about anyone or anything else, it is very fair to label her the sociopath to rule them all. The only tangible thing close to human feeling that can be taken from her behavior is her desperate flailing to remain #1 Motherfucker, as emphasized by the vomit of self-praise and angst in her profile's bio. Emotionless, uncaring, and yet strangely captivating, blebbeh may inspire various conflicting feelings. This will make you want to lash out, a desire you should most definitely act on, for the entertainment of the room.
Atheistman - There's not much to say about Atheistman, because he himself doesn't say much. Every now and then he might interject into conversation to call you stupid, or praise his God, Donald Trump. But despite his strange personification of all things 4Chan we all love him here in Atlas Park. That's not to say we wouldn't love him as much if he left forever, but one can only dream.
booty__pirate - For the longest time we believed Atheistman had solidified his position as the regular who embodies all things 4chan, that was, however, in ye olden days, before the arrival of booty__pirate. True to his name, booty can be found in the park, boasting about his ability to objectify women, and rating them on a scale from 1 to 10. When not doing that, he is generally mocking “SJWs”, or any liberals who dare to trigger him. Due to all of this, booty has truly made himself a part of the AP community.
BiologyMajor - Although we were dreading the day we would have to formally recognize Bio as a reg, we made it less dreadful by adding that fake quote. Bio is a troll, and not a good one, which makes him kind of endearing to hang out with in the room. He may never admit he but he truly enjoys the friendship and bonds he has with everyone in the room, as evidenced by the time DJ_Church ignored him for a few months and he threw a fit. The room would not be the same without him: it'd probably be better but why risk it?
cheating_liar - Though her username encourages such acts in games or within a relationship (See Kong bio for more info) we've decided to tolerate her presence in the room anyway. Most of the time you'll find her in Atlas Park complaining about DJ, all the rest of the time she's out cheating and lying to people. Although CL has a habit of getting upset about literally anyone speaking about anything that she didn't want to talk about, it's worth it for the moments everyone gets along and has a nice conversation.
DJ_Church
- Atlas Park has a funny way of always drawing someone in who will act as a mature and calm force in the never-ending hurricane of rage and sex-deprived antics. DJ can be found standing in the sidelines during the most heated of flame wars, and shoving in constant commentary. It is true that he doesn't often share the same passion and fury that many of the other regs have... That isn't to say that he doesn't devote his passion and fury towards other thing.
Malakhie - What would any park be without its very own super-powered 13-year-old? Notable for constantly boasting about his mastery of “Monster Battles,” or his apparent super strength, speed, and agility, as well as showing off his ingenious roasting skills to one of his unfortunate contrarians by calling them “stupid.” Regardless of what you think of this, or the rumor that he is actually underage, Mala is undoubtedly capable of keeping chat moving, and for that, we thank him.
Mouse223 - Mouse is an oldie but a goldie, he came around with the ultimate destruction of Barrens and decided to stick around, for some weird reason. He can usually be found standing to the side of anything going on and egging on whatever is happening for his own sick enjoyment. We find that Mouse is less like the rodent he named himself after and more just like a random dude wearing a blouse in a house, and being very much in denial of it.
Pure_Salt - We like to point out how people fit into the room, but unfortunately our Salty Boi doesn't fit in. He's just... there. Not to say we don't enjoy his presence, whether he's being a totally normal person or sexually harassing people in private messages, we're always happy to include him in whatever we're doing (as long as it's monitored by the FBI).What else can we say say about Pure? What else do we want to?
Shadi_ -
When Shadi (also known as Shaddam Hussein, Guranpu-senpai, and Shadway Express) is on, it is like looking through a mirror that takes you back to when Atlas Park was good. He will keep the chat rolling on with gifs from 2012 and desperate attempts to find someone who will be his anime friend. He can go on for minutes about nothing in particular, and isn't scared to chime in with his snide remarks during the awkwardest of silences. As with the best of us, Shadi is known for particular skills and characteristics; we consider him the hentai connoisseur of the room, because of his extensive knowledge and unconditional love for everything naked and animated. He has been perma-banned from Kong once or twice for taking swings at the mods out of boredom, and now lives on as Shadi_. He is still Gramps in our hearts, though... our cold, dark, sadistic hearts...
Shustriy - Old in the room and easy to get to know, Shus was one of the few trolls of the room who wasn't an absolute torture to be around or talk to. He was active like no other and homoerotic enough to power a generator, but one day Shus learned that he had a potential life to live, and dipped out before any of us could mourn. Every now and again, Shus will dig himself out of his grave and come back on an alt that was once confused with a random lurker. Because of this, it is Atlas tradition to consider all familiar-sounding new users yet another embodiment of our beloved Shustriy.
skaren - Any newcomer to Atlas Park might wonder about the origins of the immense, passionate love and adoration that JeniseS receives from lurkers to trolls alike. While it may seem that this perfect reputation is just due to her wit and elegance, the hidden truth is that skaren loves her so much, their connection creates a gravitational force that pulls everyone else deeply in love with her as well. You may be asking, "O Holy Editors, why the hell is this reg's bio centered around a completely different user?" To that we say, there is hardly another option. His isolated admiration is so pure that it embodies the entirety of his personality (if there are deeper layers inside of skaren, they are shrouded from mortal minds). This love is so exclusive and magical that it attracts the envy of users across the lands, through the great skevin's many years as a kongregate gypsy. You should feel honored if you make it on the list of people who haven't been muted by him yet. But don't go trying to prevent it, because that will win you a mute. You shouldn't even bother. Not everyone can be a Jenise. ;)
taciturn057 - tacit is one of our less active but still memorable regs, often seen copy pasting huge chunks of the rooms activities into his bio as a sort of mini-history of the rooms most active regs. Including things we all wish we could forget, but he'll never let us forget. Please help, save us from tacit. But we love tacit all the same, with his unique insight of political situations in our largely American room.
whitetiger1234 - What would any internet chatroom be without a furry? Better; but we'll always hold a special place in our hearts for Tiger and her drawings that we never get to see, and her lurking ways. Tiger can generally be seen int he room 24/7 without ever saying anything, keeping notes for a secret cat related reason I can't reveal to you for legal reasons.